A question for both men and women...?

Question

Men: If you were dating someone with more education, income, and a more prestigious job than you, would you feel intimidated, or insecure, or that you needed to compensate?

Women: If you were dating someone with less education, income, and a less prestigious job than you (or even no job), would you feel embarrassed, like you needed to talk up their other qualities whenever bringing them up to friends?

Once you've answered that question, what is your answer to the question directed at the other gender?

Answer 1

No.

You can talk about the positive qualities of someone or the negative.  If I am dating someone I usually talk about the positives and keep the negatives to myself.

Answer 2

Actually I wish I could find someone with at least equal drive and income.  If he happened to earn less but treated me well I would not mind that either.  The key thing for me is this, if someone is bragging there is probably no or very little truth to the story.  A person of quality or gentry speaks for themselves through action not words.

Guys have big egos and fragile ego's so if she where the bread winner he would have to have somewhere to shine or he will feel depressed.

Answer 3

well, i won't feel embarrassed and i would say honestly. i love him. i don't really like liars as i was cheated in the past. so i don't wanna be one myself. so i rather tell the truth. i love him which is my decision. When i love him, no one else matters but him.

Men: well, sometimes people need more face somehow. So i won't blame them if they feel that way. guys might feel useless somehow but tats not the case actually. When girls really love u, they r willing to sacrifice just like how some guys did tat to their girls too.

Summary : But as a couple, the thing that matters most is each other. Not how people see them as. Agree?

Answer 4

I do out earn my partner - by quite a lot.  No one has ever outright said they think he's not good enough, but I have occasionally received incredulous comments from people concerning our relationship.  It used to get on my nerves, and I would do what you mentioned.  That is, I would talk him up around people highlighting his good points.  I think despite that fact that ascribed societal roles for men and women have significantly loosened, they are still very much alive.   I don't feel the need to talk him up anymore though.  I'm not with him for security or some sort of business venture.  I'm with him because he is a fantastic loving person.  I think I would feel differently though if he was lazy and without ambition since I'm very ambitious.  We would be very incompatible in that case.  With both work hard and dream big.  Money and status are non-issues when we're both contributing, be it financially or emotionally.

Oh, and to answer the second part of your question, he is more proud of me than intimidated by me.  He knows how hard I've worked to be where I am and has the utmost respect for that.

Answer 5

I think that several questions need to be asked before I could answer this with a definate answer. For example, if he was unemployed is it because he prefers to stay home and play video games or he can not find work or has been laid off or something of that nature. Secondly I think that it depends on his attitude...if he wants to contibute or if he expects a free ride, and finally it depends on the gap between incomes. If he is making burgers at McDonalds making 15,000 a year and the woman is making 80,000 a year is that part of his motivation to be in the relationship..and this could be applied vice versa as well. IF he wants to work,wants to contribute and is in the relationship for the right reasons than I see no problem.

As for his side of things, I know traditionally a man was expected to take care of his woman, so i could understand his feeling insecure, but then again if his woman is embarassed of him if he meets all of the above listed criteria then one must wonder about heer values and morals as well, because love should come before any numbers on the yearly tax statement.

Answer 6

For the women question. No, I would not feel ebrassed. I would be proud of who they are. Not everyone is acedemic or highly paid. I would be oroud that they were who they were. I wouldn't personally wat someone highly paid, because I think life is for living not to slave away at a career.

For the other gender question, I did kind of feel like this when due to illness I had to leave school at 15. BUT I realised that it was not because of anyone else it was because of me. I felt insecure because me as a person didn't feel I'd fulfilled any ambitions.  So I built confidence, studied, started my own business in a field I really enjoyed did things I've wanted like bringing up a baby parrot, doing charity work

Answer 7

Before I married, most of the men I dated fell into that category (and yes, I've picked up my fair share of tabs).  It didn't embarrass or bother me because of the pleasure of their company.  Nevertheless, I was secretly glad when my husband turned out to be better educated, made more money and had a very prestigious job.  

My situation didn't seem to bother my former suitors.  At least none of them ever said anything to me.  I don't know - and don't care - if anyone ever avoided asking me out because of my superficial "add-ons."  Their choice.

Answer 8

definately i'd feel self concious if my guy was less successful than me. im too old fashioned to even concider someone like that. it's sad and superficial but hey, the way i see it...a woman can reach for the stars, but her man has to at least be by her side or waiting to pull her up to them. do you get that?

and no i obviously don't see anything wrong with a woman being less successful than her guy. he shouldn't feel embarrissed in the least because he's the one takin home the bacon. suporting his castle.

Answer 9

No. I wouldn't.

Answer 10

As long as I didn't have to support him, I wouldn't care. If he can take care of himself, it doesn't matter what else he can afford. If some men feel bad about this, that's their problem; who has time to deal with that?

Answer 11

Yeah, I would.

It'd make me see myself as under-developed.

______________________________________...

And if she has to talk me up, then I'd be sure of it.

I'd ask her what she wanted ME for.

Hypothetically (as this is, so I'd be younger than now, and still putting my life together anyway), maybe I'd find I was just gravitating towards the level I belong in, by getting attracted to her.

And maybe she's keying on the POTENTIAL in things, because she's still young too.

So maybe it'd be just fine for me to feel motivated (and have a partner) in growing further into my own potential.

Answer 12

This is going to sound sexist on my part but....if the man was older than me, then yes, I would be a bit embarrassed.  However, if he had ambition and a drive to better himself and wasn't jobless/less educated due to laziness, I would be okay with it.  If he was younger than me, I wouldn't mind because I presume he would be in his "finding himself" years.  However, once again, I would have to see some ambition for me to take the relationship seriously.  I do not want any man sponging off me, no matter his age.

If I was a man, I think dating such a woman would make me a bit insecure, especially around her friends and co-workers.

A note to you, since you don't allow e-mail!  Hey GREAT question.  It's nice to see such a well thought out and intelligent question on this site.  Sometimes Gender Studies on Y!A can get really bogged down with both genders slinging mud at each other.  It's refreshing to see something like this.  Keep up the good work.

Answer 13

Neither situation would bother me.  I would not think any less of my guy if he made less money than me. And even if he didn't have a job I would NEVER be ashamed of him.

Answer 14

If I met someone more educated, better job etc.  I'd hold onto her, d**n that'd be nice.  But I'd have to see how she handles stress.  Or else we'd be butting heads constantly, especially with my smart-*** attitude.

Answer 15

Okay, been there, done that, married the guy. I am a teacher, with 2 degrees and better than average pay because of it. He is in the military, will never get paid much, never be considered prestigious, and h**l, most days he is hated by most of the world, just for what he does. But-- in my eyes-- he is willing to tolerate all that to do what he thinks is right. His integrity will always count for more in my opinion. He is an amazing human with a big heart and sense of right and wrong. I'll take that over a corporate slob who sold his soul to the dollar anyday. I'm not embarassed at all-- I am proud of him-- which is more than most can say about their spouses.

As far as answering the opposite genders question: he isn't intimidated or insecure about my successes-- he is proud of them.  I guess that's the difference between dating (shallow and superficial) and marriage (much deeper and honest).

Answer 16

No, I wouldn't. It would be great if my girlfriend earned more than  me, seeing how I'm pretty economically comfortable.

If I was a woman, same answer. No, it wouldn't bother me.

Answer 17

It wouldnt bother me either way, as long as we had things in common and got along great together.

I would prefer to date someone who had a job, but would not care if they got less or more income than mine after all everything we paid for would be equal.

Ive learnt that just because someone is well educated doesnt always make them smart when it comes to life. And that being  unemployed or having a prestigious job makes them less of a person.

After all dating someone should be of the person and who they are not what they possess :o)

Answer 18

It makes a difference to some, and it doesn't to others, but I've found the majority of men who don't care are freeloaders that have no desire to work at all, they would be content living off their womans welfare check every month, as long as he could squeeze a few beers a day in life is good to him. ;-)

Answer 19

this question should honestly have nothing to do with gender. its purely a general question regarding how people deal with self worth and their defintion of worth of another. gender shouldnt come into play.

if youre with someone then you chose them for a reason and should stand behind them or at least beside them regardless... but not everyone does or feels this way.

Answer 20

With no job, yes.  Unless we had agreed for him to be a stay at home dad.  Regardless of the education level or income a man (and a woman) need to be ambitious in their careers, but remember to put their families first.

Answer 21

I have had to support a man who didn't work and I got sick of it because he didn't want to work.  I did not talk about his situation to many people, only close friends.  It did bother me.

For the reverse:  If I was dating someone more educated and financially better off, I would feel a bit intimidated but don't know how i'd compensate to be at the same level.

Answer 22

I would not feel intimidated at all.  Being a man is still being head of the household (in the assumption that a marriage is to take place from the relationship).  I don't care if I make $0 and she is a billionaire, the decisions are still made by me.  period.  

financial success does not change our dna, or our roles toward one another.