A question for divorced women: Why?

Question

What was it that triggered the decision to go ahead and file for divorce? What made you think that nothing could be done to save the marriage? When was it that you knew that divorce was the only thing left for your relationship?

Answer 1

I tried talking to him on several occasions...to no avail!  He always told me nothing was the matter,  and then when he did complain, it was about stupid stuff--not the real problems!

One day I flat out ask him if he wanted the relationship to work???  He answered "I don't know."  To me, that was the turning point.  If he didn't know but was making my life miserable by not making a decision, I knew that I had to make it!!!

I don't have any regrets about filing for the divorce, but now after 2 1/2 years, the bitterness is gone and we are friendly again.  We are even thinking about reconciling, but I know it will take work and I need to know that he is willing to really put effort into it.  And if he doesn't, then I won't pursue it.  We both have had other relationoships since our split and have realized that we really screwed up a great thing!

Only your heart will know when the time is right--trust it--that's why we were all given intuition--we just don't listen to it enough to TRUST it!

Answer 2

When he physically attacked me in front of our daughter and became very angry / threatening afterward.  I left and moved my daughter and I to a safe place.  I then went to his doctors and various counselors who all told me there was no way they could guarantee that he wouldn't do it again, and with his medical issues / brain damage, it was likely he would.  I had to decide to put my daughter's safety before all else.  

Answer 3

He abused me, and cheated on me for eight years.  You know if its time to go.  you feel it.

Answer 4

After leaving him twice - going back - counselling - leaving again - this time for good - returning - more counselling - it was pretty obvious.  It was never going to work.

Answer 5

He couldn't keep his D I C K out of every thing that had three holes and walked on two legs.

Is that good enough an answer for you?!

Answer 6

When my ex-husband started cheating with my best friend and started abusing me and our 4 month old son,I knew then it was time to go.I wasn't about to let him hurt my baby,I actually had thoughts of killing him and I knew that I had to get help and get out before my son had a deceased father and a mother in prison.It was the BEST thing I ever did,I'm happily remarried now to a WONDERFUL man and my son is now 15.

Answer 7

the first one couldnt cut the cord with his mom.  he called her literally 3 times a day, wouldnt get a job, and had a drinking prob.

the second one became abusive, verbally and mentally and also had a drinking problem.  i was always scared of what he was capable of, and decided to remove myself and our children from that environment.

gosh this sucks seeing it all written down.... yeesh!

Answer 8

My ex initiated divorce. What triggered it will forever remain a secret, I don't know if he even fully knows himself. I didn't see it coming.

Nothing can be done to save the marriage if the other person has made up their mind completely.

Answer 9

Seeing the future.

Answer 10

When my daughter (not biologically his) witnessed one of our horrific arguments.  And he started abusing and when I was told by a little girl they were doing it.  And yes i liked Black Snakes comment I actually say that one a lot.  He said he didn't mean to do it?  Like you didn't mean to put your wazoo into her yahoo come on now.

Answer 11

my man chose drugs and  alcohol. and i almost lost our daughter. but, lots could of been done to save our marriage, counseling. i chose to let him go. i didn't want to bring down the kids in his problems. i figured if he loved us enough he will get help and he will turn it around and come back for me. well, i go some write. he did get help. he is better. but, he also found someone else and he did come back. it is over when you can look in the eyes and see, no future anymore. too much time wasted. he remarried, i didn't. he has okay life, doing better for her, see our kid sometimes. do i regret NO. he hurts our girl cause he lies about coming to see her. money, etc. he changed , but not all that great. you will know when you do all you can and he don't do anything, you get tired, and you give up . good luck. i think if your second guessing your not Ready and still will try for the marriage.

Answer 12

Have been divorced twice....you just know when its over its different for everyone.

Answer 13

Most will say when their ex's trip and accidently fell in to another woman's v****a

Lol Love You Valerie

Answer 14

What triggered the idea of divorce for me was when it dawned on me (13 years later) that if I didn't get out, he was going to 'hurt' me financially really bad.  And recognizing that I was the only one working on keeping our 'family' together.  Just having had enough of being drug down (emotionally)  finally wore me out to where divorce seemed like a long awaited for party.

For the entire time that I knew him, I was helping him with his 'problems'.  Legal issues, poor credit, bills in arrears, reobtaining a drivers' licence/car, etc.

There would be moments of time that he would do really well.  Holding down a good job, making what seemed to be mature, responsible decisions.

But then, he would find some friends who liked to party, and would just go hog wild.  

I was a little too open to our differences and should have called it quits much earlier, but I didn't 'believe' in divorce and thought it was my responsibility to make it work.  I assumed that eventually he'd 'grow up' and realize that partying wasn't what responsible adults did (that have obligations such as mortgage, car payments, and especially CHILDREN!).

One day, after I bailed him out of trouble once again, he - all on his own - promised me that he wouldn't drink any more.  I 'knew' he was sincere because I didn't nag him into doing it.  He came to that decision all on his own!  Yay me!  (more like stupid me).

But, as more time went by, he started acting 'weird', but I couldn't put a finger on 'why'.  I 'knew' he wasn't drinking because he promised that he quit.  (yes, I know - more 'stupid me').  However, one morning I woke up and found an empty vodka bottle that he must have passed out before realizing that he should probably hide it.  I was so livid, everything that I put up with and all of the times I defended him came rushing back and was like a huge slap in the face.  I kicked him out immediately as he had family to go mooch off of.

Even at that point, it took me another 5 months of waiting around to see what amends he was going to make and him not doing a d**n thing before it clicked in my head to go file for divorce.  The divorce was finalized after he drug it out and I haven't looked back since.