A question for foster parents?

Question

My husband and I are considering opening our home to a foster child. While we don't want to adopt at this time, we do wish to open our home to a child that is waiting to be placed with a permanent family. My concern is that I will become very attached to the little boy or girl and when it comes time for him/her to move on I will be heartbroken. Has this happend to anyone? How do foster parents stay detached enough to let go when the time comes for the child to be placed with a permanent family? Thanks for your help.

Answer 1

You don't.  You get attached, you love them like they're your own, then you grieve for them when you lose them.

Then you remind yourself why you're doing it, and how far the children have come, and you move on and start again.

Sorry I can't be more positive, but that's the reality!  Good luck with your decision, I hope it all goes well for you.

Answer 2

Dear i am glad to hear that you are. Most foster parents do not care about the children, they only care about the checks they get at the end of the month. despite what they may tell you, thats why most people do it.

the best way to go about it is to have multiple children, this way you will not grow emmensly attached. and prepare yourself. Most of these children are difficult. be prepared to deal with ADD, ADHD, Mentally unstable children, children whos parents abused drugs, and mishivouse children. many children do not know right from wrong and tend to be bad or violent, unintentionally.

Answer 3

Your heart will break with some and there will be others that you are ready for them to go. The problem is you can not really remain detached or you will have a hard time getting the kids to trust you and feel safe. Children can sense when they are not wanted. It's hard! But it can be worth it.

**Edited to say..

Cassandra, that is a very broad statement. I think that there is a misconception about foster parents and money. There is not a lot of money in foster care. In the state of Michigan foster parents get about $400.00 a month per child (there are exceptions for children who need additional care) That money is split between the child's personal allowance (about $71.00- 91.00per month) The child's monthly clothing allotment. (about $33.00-38.00) That really only leaves about less than $100.00 per week for the family supporting the child. I make more providing child care for 8-10 hours a day! Most agencies to not have extra money for activities, like dance or soccer etc. That comes from the pockets of the foster parents. You are not going to get rich fostering.

The media is very quick to show or print a story about bad foster parents (same as with natural parents) but it is rare to see a story about the great work that some parents do. Not all or even most foster parents are money hungry monsters.

Answer 4

While the "home" we sent our little one to was "his natural mother", we are still very blessed that she lets us still have contact with him.  It is hard and her story is a hard one to tell as it doesn't happen very often.  You do as stated need to remind yourself that you are only a temporary home before they transition into a permanate home.  One thing you could do is have them call you Aunt ? and Uncle ?, and not mom / dad or by your first names only.  Any child that you come into contact with will have a lasting result but it's what you do with the time that you have them that makes all the difference in the world!  That is what is going to matter to them, not the fact that you were just another home they were placed in!  Good luck, there are a lot of up's and down's with kids and being in their situation makes it sometimes a little more difficult....but they are only children!

Answer 5

You can't stay detached enough. I opened my home to a brother and a sister, and thought the whole time, this is just until the Mom and Dad can get their act together.  By the time they voluntarily terminated their rights on the boy, which I requested to adopt..they kept working for his sister....they took the little girl to go for a trial placement with her bio mom....and it crushed my heart.  This was the little girl I potty trained, I taught the ABC's, I taught twinkle twinkle little star, how to pray, dance, laugh, etc. and she was gone.  The mom gave her back a week later and both bio parents terminated shortly after.  I adopted both.  It wasn't a part of there plan to look for a forever home.  It was for their bio parents to straighten themselves out and move back...and that didn't happen..I couldn't imagine them going with strangers!!! The boy already called me mom and wanted to stay with me.

You have to give them the most comfortable and "normal" home that you possibly can.  Staying detached isn't an option.  BUT, you can open your home love them to pieces, and know that you're creating a loving temp home until the right family coems along.  And if that's your goal, then it might not hurt so bad...but it will still hurt to see them move on.

Answer 6

Yes it happens all the time, you need to constantly remind yourself that you are giving the child a temporary home in his or her time of need.  If you focus on that, you will be a good foster parent.

Answer 7

Well, I don't think there is a perfect answer for this question. I am a foster mommy & I got to adopt my first placement. I currently have another foster baby in my home who I got straight from the hospital. He is 10 months old now, and I'm not sure what i'll do if he leaves to go back with his natural family. He calls me mommy (not his bio-mom) he crys through his visits with her every other week when she see's him. In my head I know he is not mine, but my heart believes he will be. I have never experienced giving up a foster child,but my hubby and I are foster/adopt parents. So we do not go into a placement knowing we would give the child to another family. To answer your question.....I suppose you could have the child call you Mrs. & Mr....... instead of mommy & daddy. You could look at it as baby sitting or short term. I think it's wonderful you want to help these little angels & keep them safe! I will say a prayer for you & your family. If this is what your supposed to do God will give you the strength to say good bye to them when they move on from your home! Best Wishes!