A question for victims of bullying? ?

Question

As someone who was bullied in BOTH middle school and high school (and in the workplace), I'm asking this question for fellow victims of bullying. Do you still feel the effects of the bully even today? Like the things they said and done to you, does it still impact your self-esteem and the way you view yourself? How do you cope when you've been through bullying for many years?

Answer 1

just be sure not to become a bully yourself...especially to your wife or friends children or colleagues

Answer 2

Yeah, sure. It can go on if you hang on to it.

If someone hurts me, I try to forgive and pray for them. I don't want to hang on to hurts. It is not hurting the offender, it is hurting me if I hold on to it.

It is not always easy. But it works.

Answer 3

I used to be you. I was nailed all through middle and part way through high school. I got lucky, though. I grew 6 inches and put on 50 pounds between sophomore and junior year. By that time I was pizzed off enough that I hunted down the biggest offenders and made them suffer a bit. I felt better after that.

The only effects I still feel are some bad childhood memories, a bit of awkwardness in new situations, and a total lack of tolerance for bullies. I wound up at 6'2, and weigh 240 pounds, so there aren't many who want to try their luck now. But I remember what it was like. Never been messed with at work, though. That must be rough.

My advice is to come back at them; even harder. I was amazed at how easily the cowards who tortured me all those years ago crumbled like bread crumbs when I turned it back on them.

Takes alot of guts the first time, but it gets easier. Just be careful not to turn into what you hate. It can happen.

Good Luck and stay strong, man!

Answer 4

i was bullied in primary school, secondary school and even in work.

i do feel the effects today, i've had a hard life, alot has gone on and i suffer from depression today. i can get into really low points in my own mind and not be able to think clearly and just be impossible to talk to.

Sometimes i can think I'm really pretty and a good person and others i can be 2 seconds from cutting off all my hair thinking i look a disgrace. a monster.

its not just my looks, its my personality too. Sometimes i can be real happy and positive and other times i can be so negative and cry for hours and just stare at the wall,

i think the way i am today is the result of my past. being bullied, and going through the things i did. Im 18 now and am trying to make something of my life, at least getting prepared to try.

stay safe.

Answer 5

I wasn't really bullied in middle school or high school very much, and not at all in adult life. But I was always the smallest, weakest kid growing up and I was also one of those guys that always looked significantly younger than everyone else my age. So by default I was the dorky kid around that was considered the least cool, even by my friends. Occasional mild bullying happened on and off from various people but it was never a major thing.

Just from that, to this day I basically have a self image in which I naturally see myself as less cool than everyone. I also assume that everyone else thinks I'm younger than I actually am. And I assume that everyone else assumes that I'm weak.

What I continually have to remind myself is that I am no longer a little underdeveloped kid anymore and that I am full grown and I'm actually kind of tall, good looking, and muscular. And so that is what people see when they meet me now and there is no reason for them to assume that I'm a little, weak dork.

The point, I guess, is that people only know what they see. And so since I look normal and cool now, and if I act normal and cool, people that meet me will naturally think I'm normal and cool instead of thinking I'm a dork like I used to be.

But the foundation of my personality formed while I was growing up as the little, weak, stick-skinny, dork. And so my personality is such that I can't imagine seriously acting like I'm tough (the way a lot of normal guys act). So even though I could probably destroy a lot of people in a fight now days, my personality is still that of a weakling.

Answer 6

Yeah, but whenever i feel down, i go on my drum kit and bash the h**l out of it. Its a great relief to imagine the Toms as somebodys head.

Answer 7

I am a gentle and easy-going personality, with a slow fuse.  I don't think of myself as weak, but I hate conflict, so seek to avoid it, and therefore all too often I have been thought of as weak.

That said, times when I have been bullied, some of them stick in my memory and come across to me, when I recall them, as "shame," and therefore I react with anger and angry fantasies, which I try to stop when I realize what I am doing.

You deal with these memories by promising yourself and firmly deciding not to put up with it in the future.  You made decisions in the past, you can make new ones now and in the future.

And excellent preparation is to get yourself some Assertiveness training.  Hereare some good wetsites, some really good material that is free!

http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/bookl...

http://ub-counseling.buffalo.edu/asserti...

http://www.counselingcenter.uiuc.edu/?pa...

Best wishes, and remember it is people like you and me that keep society from exploding.  What would happen if everyone were over-aggressive fighters?!