A question to adoptees....am I the only one?

Question

I've answered a couple questions regarding adoption, and I've talked about my personal experience and shared some of the difficulties I've had and more negative aspects that can be part of being adopted. I noticed that I keep getting thumbs down on these answers, and I just wonder, am I the only one? Why do people ask questions if they only want to hear the good stuff? I'd think if they've adopted a child, they would want to know the possible difficulties, the real emotions that an adoptee might have. I've been very honest in my answers and have shared some very personal, painful feelings, and I was surprised and kinda hurt at the thumbs down.

I'm just wondering, is my experience so strange? Am I the only one that's had some conflict around being adopted?

And please, if you've adopted a child, and it's all wonderful, I'm very happy for you, honestly. I've read your posts and I get it, you're happy, so no need to tell me more.

Answer 1

sometime people can be jerks for no reason, and sometimes they don't want the whole truth

Answer 2

I did not read any of your answers but here are my thoughts. adoption is a nice thing and as an adoptive parent my children are as important to me as any child could be, but understand that at different times in their lives they have had a need to know more about there biological heritage and reasons they were given for adoption. this does not mean they love me less just that they need more info to feel complete. and just like biological kids can have problems with their parents so can adoptive kids. Just because someone did a " wonderful thing to adopt a child"  not all relationships come to full satisfaction. I mean they are a family and they are kids and parents which means they have all the same joys and the same problems that all families encounter.

Answer 3

I am an adopted child, and believe me there are good things and bad things about being adopted, do not let the people who gave you a hands down upset you.  They are probably not adoptees and haven't experienced what you and I have.

Answer 4

I was adopted at age 2 1/2 from Colombia. If I had ot been adopted at that time, the medical conditions I had would probably have killed me. I was thankful that those things got taken care of, but growing up was a totally different story. I was beat, pulled around by my hair, screamed at, smacked, while sometimes, my mom's two natural-born children, watched and laughed. I didn't understand it- why me? My brother and sister didn't get treated like this.....was it because I was adopted? I was different in some way.....My dad didn't find out my mom was doing this until I was 17. My mom homeschooled me from 2nd -8th grade, which is how she got away with all this. Finally, I was able to move out of the house, I moved to the opposite end of the U.S. After I moved out, she took out all her anger on my dad and they soon divorced. And now she and I pretend to have a good relationship.

Answer 5

I am a fellow adoptee. All my siblings were adopted because my mom couldn't have children.

My personal expirience growing up as an adopted child was never too bad. Sure there were times I wondered WHY I wasn't "kept" by my birth parents. It's a sad thought really. But then adopted children are blessed and have been given the greatest gift..our birthmothers gave us the chance at life, and that's something I always think about. I also like to think that adopted children are the miracles of the parents who adopted them. My parents were blessed with 4 kids that love them..and they couldn't be happier.

Answer 6

I feel so sorry for you, but you might not be the only one in this kind of situation. Each situation is different from each other. Good luck

Answer 7

I'm not adopted, but I had several close friends growing up who were, so I know you're not the only one.  While all my adopted friends had great parents, they still grew up with the knowledge that their "real" parents, for whatever reason, didn't choose to raise them.  They all grew up with problems and questions that I couldn't relate to, and still can't imagine.  So while I think that giving away a child is better than aborting it, I still think it's wrong not to take care of your own if you're able to do it, and I think that every adopted child deserves an explanation.  I think knowing why you were adopted is good, even if you never know who your biological parents were.

Answer 8

I had a really hard time before I was adopted, I bounced around foster families til I was three and my parent's adopted me.  I would call any woman "mommy" and I would go to anyone!  I don't remember but my mom now told me that I would walk away with anyone!  That's really scarey.  don't worry about if someone doesn't like what you have to say...your story is your own!!!  Be strong and remember, you live for tomorrow!!!

Answer 9

noo ur not

Answer 10

Everyone has their good story and bad story, Im sorry you got thumbs down on some of your inner most painful stories. Some people just can't relate. Thumbs up to you here for at least expressing yourself.

*I would try to give some thumbs up for you and vote for some of your answers, but you have all of your Q&A set to private.

Answer 11

I cannot go back and read your answers, but if they are honest, open, and do not discourage others from adopting, then I fully support you!  Honesty is a good thing, especially when it comes to having a family.  There is pain and loss in adoption, and to think otherwise is to be foolish.  We must honor this pain and loss, and support children's, birth parents, and adoptive parents feelings.  To ignore it is to have our heads in the sand.  If we do not fully accept the negative aspect of adoption, we cannot fully accept the positive aspects.

I think most children, if given the right and opportunity, feel some sadness and loss associated with their adoption.  If we do not give them that safe space to feel this, then we are not fully parenting them.

Thank you for your honesty.

Answer 12

I was adopted, and I think that it is great.  At least I know that I was raised by people that actually wanted me, and loved me, and that I was not just their horrible little, unspoken, "accident", as I obviously was to my biological "parents".

Answer 13

Your not the only one.  Everyone has issues with their families, natural or adopted and to say that they don't is lying.  For some reason, adoptees are not suppose to feel different because that upsets the entire concept that if you removed a child from their mother/father and put them with another set of loving parents that everything will be just fine.  Well it isn't always that way.  There is genetic attachment not just nurture.  It is genetics that set us apart and no matter who raises us you can't change that.  I have a great family and I love them with all of my heart but I'm different and I realize it and for me this too has caused issues for me internally.

I kept these feeling to myself and still do with my parents.  

Don't worry about what other people think and be truthful to yourself and others.  That's all anyone should expect and appreciate.

Answer 14

This isn't really an answer to your question, but I am looking to adopt and I would love to have advice from you on what you think...here is my e-mail, [e-mail]...Me and my wife have wanted to adopt for sometime, but would really like to see things how the person we would adopt would see things before going through with the process.

Answer 15

First of all I think it is hard to get 'real' answers, and post them,  on here because too many people are making stuff up, no one takes anything very serioulsy these days,  and there seems to be a lot of bored kids on here too...that said I am adopted, and yes it can be a long strange trip.

There are so many emotions adoptees can have. A male cousin (adopted also) has no interest whatsoever in his past...even tho' I know his parents have all the info he would need. He is as stable as they come...

After finding out my birth history and then my 5 siblings, now I know why my parents chose not to tell me what they knew, and why they always seemed to walk on eggshells with worry that I would 'turn out' like THEM........not the most "normal" bunch of people, ha.  But I am okay, but still a little upset they knew everyting I needed to know but didn't share it......I have put the past behind me and look forward to my future....putting the past behind you is the key. One birth sister can't seem to do that and constantly wallows in her memories and it drives the rest of us bonkers....

Be strong, move on, and be the best YOU you can be!

Answer 16

No one has answered your question yet!

Yes, it is the norm online for adoptees to be given the thumbs-down if they mention that there is anything about adoption (even in general) that is less than positive. It is a well known phenomenon and causes a lot of frustration and anger among adult adoptees. Try going to a supposed "cross-triad" forum and see how adoptees and first parents are treated by the APs and PAPs (adoptive parents and prospective APs). If you are not grateful at all times, you are labeled "angry" and "bitter".

The sad part is that there are so many concerned APs and PAPs out there who DO want to get the full story. Their needs get trampled, too, when adoptees are not allowed to answer fully about all aspects of the lifetime process.

There are some good sites. Surf around for some adult adoptee blogs and check out their links. And don't take it personally. It's those posters' own fears that cause the reaction.

Answer 17

i also am an adoptee, overall i have had a great experience with this, but i too have had my problems. i am sorry if at any time i gave you a thumbs down. most of the time while i am on y!a i have a light hearted aspect on the subjects, but this catagory brings out a serious side of me.

maybe the reason you get the response you do is because sometimes there are alot of people on here that are quite rude and make stabs at people involved with adoption. i think we get our guard up and tend to take it out on people like you. please dont take it personal, continue with your honesty. all sides need to be represented