A question to all single parents..about getting a new partner..?

Question

Has anyone ever had any problems with their kids adjusting to them getting a new partner?

I have 2 boys (ages 4 and 8), and have been single for 3 years, and have met a lovely man. I will obviously wait untill we are very serious to let the kids know about him, but was wondering if anyone has had a bad time with this, and how they overcome it?

Answer 1

I am not a parent, however, I am a teeanger who has had to deal with both parents moving on with their lives.  My dad had several girlfriends, whom to put politely were unsavoury.  They caused a lot of hurt and distress to me, who was 8 when it began (10 when it ended), my brother whom was 4 years older and my mum.  It did take a lot to get over it, and to trust my dad again to be honest, as I began to doubt his judgement of people.

My mum on the other hand, only found someone new when I was 14 and so was better as I had more of a life of my own.  He has since married my mum and moved in; yes there were a few teething difficulties when he tried to tell me what to do and to be honest, I wasn't having any of it.

Don't introduce him to your children unless you are sure that he is a standup guy, and is being true about his personality.  When/If that happens, then don't lie about him when introducing, no matter how innocent they are, an 8 year old is not going to believe that he is your new friend, and please don't go with the old 'new uncle' routine.

Good luck with your children, make sure you still give them special one on one or just you and them time to make sure they still feel needed, as although only young, the older especially will feel like he has to protect you.

Answer 2

I cant talk to you as the parent, but I can as the step child.  Please please please dont wait until you are already serious for your children to know your new partner.  Let them get to know him with you.  Obviously there is a line between taking home people you are clearly only have one night stands with and bringing home someone you are dating, but...  Dont wait until you are engaged and making wedding plans for them to know him.  I understand you are the adult and its your relationship, but you need to make sure your children are going to get along with the choosen partner.

Make sure your parenting ideals are the same.  I was 15 when my mom married my step dad, and it was awful.  He had a totally different idea of what a child my age should be doing v my mom.  And, to give him the benefit of the doubt, it was mainly differences in the way he was raised, but it caused a lot of conflict.  For example, when I went to do my laundry and discovered that I wasnt allowed to touch the washer and dryer because thats an adult job.  Or when I went to bake cookies and got in trouble because children arent supposed to touch the stove.  Or when i wasnt allowed to stay after school for clubs because kids dont stay after school.

Answer 3

I also have an 8 year old boy and i was worried for a long time about him adjusting. However, when he saw me happy he didn't have any problems at all. I do try to include him a lot in my activities and I also reassure him that this man in not here to replace his dad. He now adores this man as much as I do!!!  I think as long as you talk to your boys about everything and also listen to their feelings everything will be fine. Good luck

Answer 4

I started dating my boyfriend two years ago. I waited a while to let him meet my daughter. Everything was fine untill a year later he broke up with me because he didnt know if he wanted an already made family. Turns out he did. We are happy as ever. I didnt  want to date at all but now i am glad i did. If you get hurt then you will live and learn and move on!! BEST OF LUCK!!!

Answer 5

I have been alone since I left my daughter's father and have yet to have even gone on a date! Its been six years. So I'm sure that it will be fine as long as you ease into things but then again, what do i know? LOL

Answer 6

I know what you mean! When I first started dating my husband, my oldest   child was 3 and it took her a while to accept him into the home. I had dated him for about 8 months before I introduced him to her and, at first, things went well. However, when we made the decision for us to live together, she started to show signs of jealously. She would get so upset if we were doing something as simple as sitting on the same couch together! Yea, it was rough, but I think the key thing to do is to include the kids when he is in the home. Play board games, watch movies, you know all the fun stuff. Eventually, my daughter warmed up to him and really enjoyed having him as her friend. It just may take a little time. :)