A recent death in our family and want to know something?

Question

my boyfriends granny just died this morning, wed 3 september at 12.05pm and his mum and me are extremely close, im only 24 and ive never dealt with death that well and im sure no one else has, but my b/fs mum wants me to go down to the wake house tomorrow where her mum is laid out and also wants me to bring my two boys (her grandsons) the oldest turned 4 on the 17th of august and the youngest is 15 months, i dont think its a good idea but my b/f and his mum want us all down. It was a complete shock to the system today and i cant help myself for crying and im also worried when i go in and see all the family i will break down. We were all so close even though its my b/fs family, so is it a good idea to bring my kids down, their daddy explained to my oldest that the granny down the point with all the hens(she had a farm) is in heaven now but he does not understand and im terrified if he tries to talk to her and she is just lying there he will be scared. Please help and no smart answers as we are in bits and grieving at this time, thank you for your support and answersxx

Answer 1

nope, don't take them.  It would serve no useful purpose whatsoever.  Your b/f's mum should spend her time kicking her son into marrying gear.

Answer 2

I would have to say no, do not bring them. They are way too young to understand and I don't care what anyone says, they don't look so good.  Your children won't know why you are crying and they will be upset but not know why.  If they have any memories of their greatgrandma, it should be in life and not in death. Yes, they can remember things at the age of 4 years old.

Of course you will have to explain it to the family, which many will understand anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

My grandsons were four and seven when their grandfather died, and attended visitation two evenings and also the funeral and interment. The seven-year-old was marvellous, sticking to his grandmother like glue, politely receiving visitors, and giving her a comforting pat on the shoulder whenever the handkerchief was produced. The little one needed distracting from time to time, but was certainly not upset or distressed in any way. In the case of an elderly person, the funeral tends to be more a celebration of the person's life and these days, with most families widely scattered, funerals tend to be one of the few occasions where cousins, aunts and uncles see one another.

The children will take their cue from you and their father, so the really important thing is to make your initial visit and then bring them in, and have someone else available to help with them. There's usually an anteroom where people can sit quietly and talk. Leave the children there with someone they know and like, go in and pay your respects, and bring them in afterwards.  

Answer 4

First off, I am sorry for your loss.  Last year, my grandmother passed away.  My little girl was four at the time.   There were several other children at the funeral home and they all went into this little lounge area that had a t.v., some childrens book's and a few toys.   She came in and out of the viewing room.  My grandmother was at the far end of the room, but my daughter was at a height where she couldn't really see that my grandma was inside the casket.  At the end of the day, I don't think that my daughter knew why we were there. I was prepared to answer any questions she might have had, but frankly they didn't come up.  She was busy with all of the other kids there.

The next day at the funeral, she was there.  I did not file past the casket with my daughter, but we did sit through the entire service.  I think my little one just thought that she was sitting through a church service.

I think that you can probably bring your four year old, but don't make a big production of the casket and the weeping.  If he asks you anything, tell him the truth and that you are celebrating the life of his  geat grandmother.  

All my best to you and again, I am sorry for your loss.  

Answer 5

Hi, I'm very sorry for your loss.

The decision is up to you as far as taking your children there.  Your boyfriend will be there of course, and the common conversation topic is family and grandchildren, it's a time when extended family get together and reconnect.

My niece and nephews were young when they attended a family funeral, they didn't understand it but did very well and just followed their parents...  they each put a rose on their great-grandma's chest, to them it looked like she was sleeping.

I have seen parents of young children hire a babysitter and leave their children with the babysitter at home.

Do what you are comfortable doing.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 6

It may not be a bad idea to have the four-year-old there and you could open a conversation with him about death.  The 15-month-old probably will not know what is going on.  I would not have them there the whole time (either one). I would arrange for someone to come and take them as it can be very distressing for them to see mommy cry when they do not understand why.  If you are a mess, perhaps this is not the time to teach the four-year-old about this aspect of living.