A role for my sister in the wedding?

Question

We're having a small intimate ceremony and wedding with only family and a few close friends in attendance. My Maid of Honor is my cousin who's like a sister to me, and the Best Man is my cousin's husband, and is also his best friend. We met because of them. The flower girls are also family, and there are no other members of the wedding party.

My fiance is an only child, but I have a brother and sister. My brother is a musician so we were planning on asking him if he would be willing to play the ceremony music for us on acoustic guitar. I'd also like to have my sister feel like a part of it all too. My sister is significantly younger than my brother and I. She's 11 right now and on our wedding day she'll be 13. I don't want to make her a junior bridesmaid, so what else could she do?

Answer 1

As someone who was very shy as a child, I can tell you that she probably does appreciate not having to stand up there in front of everyone.

If she is that shy, why don't you try asking her what she feels comfortable doing? That would probably make her most happy, and also make her feel even more involved.

Answer 2

Many people have more than 1 flower girl. I would let her be the flower girl because it is a once in a lifetime treat to do, She is still young enough,  and I bet she would love to go shopping with you and get the dress. I am a photographer. I see this all of the time.

add:

I am remembering when my daughter was "Included in the wedding as a person to just hand out bulletins  and assist the coordinator" She was  around 11 at the time .( She is 27 now) It affects everything!

I also suggest you make her your Maid of honor. You can have 2. My neice had 2 (Her sister and my daughter) Trust me,  this is YOUR wedding and you can do it how ever you want to. She is important enough to be your maid of honor too.

Best wishes

Answer 3

Maybe she can do a reading during the ceremony.  It can be a favorite poem, a passage, or something she wrote for the two of you.

Answer 4

i know im in the minority here but why dont you want her to be a junior bridesmaid? the suggestions about being serving guest and standing at the guest book i know are intended to make her feel good like shes part of your wedding but im just thinking that a 13 year old girl would be more hurt by something like that thinking i was just like a servent that it wasnt a specaial job i know that sounds ungrateful but just think back to when you were younger so not saying you have to but if you would just reconcider the jr bridesmaid idea....try to make her feel part of the wedding in other ways take her dress shopping with you ask her what wedding favors she likes what hair style she likes not that you obviously have to go with what she says but humor her make her feel important .....congratulations by the way :)

edit-well im glad you came up with a potentially fantastic idea and im sorry i pushed so hard about the jr brides maid idea her being shy is a legit reason to not want to but having you ask and her say no thats what would of meant alot but seeing you came up with a good idea thats all that matters im sure  your wedding will be great and this act of kindness your doing for you sister will surly go a long way in building/strenthing your future relationship with yours sister :)

Answer 5

Why not a junior bridesmaid?? She doesn't have to stand up with anyone. But if I were her I' feel left out and not wanted, girls at that age get their feeling hurt very easy. Besides she is your sister! And to ask a 13 year old to stand up in front of people at church and do a reading, good luck.I really think you should rethink your decision about not having her as a junior bridesmaid. What are your mothers feeling on this? If your sister were 2 I'd still have her  in the wedding party. My oldest daughter is 11 years older than her brother and he was certainly in the wedding party as a junior groomsmen,She wouldn't have had it any other way. They are now 27 and 38, and my son was married last Sept. and my daughter and her husband were in the wedding party including their three kids, I'm sorry but family is very important.

Answer 6

Hi.  Here are my ideas:

~ If you are having programs (not sure because of a small wedding), but if you are, she could hand out the programs.

~ She could do a reading.  I don't know if your ceremony is religious or non-religious, but in either one....a reading (of any kind....scripture, poem, etc.) would be appropriate.

~ If you are having a unity candle....sometimes the "moms" light the two smaller candles, but you could always give that duty to your sister.

~ I would definitely get her a small corsage so that she feels special and then give her one of the duties as listed above.

Hope this helps!

Answer 7

She can be a guest book attendant or recite a reading or poem during the wedding.

Answer 8

Have her stand at the guest book and remind guests to sign in wearing a pretty dress in a similar color & style to bridesmaids but not as formal.   You could also have her serve as "hostess" at the reception, serving cake or punch unless that is all catered, and/or passing out rice bags or other favors.

There might also be a way to include her along with other members of your family and groom's family in lighting candles used to light the unity candle.

Answer 9

Your sister could hand out the programs and ask guests to sign the book.

If she can sing, maybe she could sing a song during the wedding or before the wedding?

Answer 10

You can have her roll out the white carpet right before u walk down the aisle!

Congrats on the wedding!

Answer 11

Could she read an appropriate passage from the Bible or a poem during the ceremony? Could she give her own short toast at the reception? If she's shy or that won't work for your ceremony, maybe she could be escorted in by an usher just before your mother - that shows she's definitely a guest of honor. She could even carry a small bouquet of flowers.

Including her in all the photos and the pre-wedding getting ready (hair, makeup, etc) will be fun and special for her, and a great way to make her feel involved.

I know some of the people above mean well, but speaking from experience, don't make her be the "guest book attendant" or hand out programs. Those are seriously the worst, most boring wedding-related duties ever - those are the jobs you give to distant cousins, not your sis. And asking her to serve cake and punch to your guests - that's not really appropriate. She's your sister, not the hired help!

Answer 12

She could do a reading, something simple but romantic would be nice.

Answer 13

I don't understand why you don't want her to be your bridesmaid- I think you are setting her up to be really hurt. Whatever you do, don't give her a "task" like presiding over the guest book or watching the gift table- those are not positions of honor, they are jobs. If you insist on not having her as a bridesmaid or maid of honor (yes, you can have two), then have her do a reading.

Odd, that you're giving your cousin, who is "like a sister," a more prominent position than your actual sister.

Answer 14

How about having her sit at the register or hand out programs.

Answer 15

you could also have your brother be an usher, and then you could have your sister give bullitens at the door and then help with the gift table at the reception... hope this helps :)

Answer 16

um.. im not sure.

Answer 17

I agree with Roy Boy.  I think you'll end up hurting her feelings a lot.  I mean she is 13 and your sister--but you are having cousins be in your wedding which aren't as close as a sister.  I don't know who the flower girls are but if they are more distant than that, it almost begins to look as if you are deliberately skipping your sister.  And at 13 you tend to be sensitive about these things.  Though I know I'm feeling hurt b/c my sister only wants children in her wedding.  She's asked our cousin, friend's kids, in-laws kids.  I'm her only sister.  The groom wanted his bro to be BM so my sis picked a friend to be her MOH.  It's a wedding party of like 10 now and looks obvious that I'm deliberately excluded.

If she is musical, can she play with your brother?  A reading would be fine as long as it's not just a one or two liner.  Perhaps introduce you at the reception or carry a camcorder and make a video of your bridal day (from morning to hair to the church).  But I'd really reconsider having a junior bridesmaid.  It's hard to have a relationship with a sibling that much younger.  You don't want to try to severe that relationship more.

Answer 18

Why don't you want her as a bridesmaid? Honestly, I think you might hurt her feelings if you don't ask her.

But she could do a reading if she wants. That's a nice role.

PLEASE don't put her to work giving out punch or manning the guestbook. Those aren't honorable roles ... those are jobs that say, "I didn't want you in my wedding, but you can stand around and do boring work while everyone else relaxes and parties."

Answer 19

Your sister could help with the gift table or stand with the guest book to encourage people to sign. She could also help with the serving of cake and punch.