A simple poem about losing somebody? Thoughts?

Question

Lost

Today I lost you

The path that lead you

Fed you lies

And I’m sorry

When you waved

I thought you knew your way

And it hurts

You will never be returning

I could erase you

Omit you from my mind

Yet I cannot

I’m lost now

With only myself to blame

And it hurts

Without you

There is nothing left to say

And I’m sorry

I should have lead the way

Copyright 2008

Answer 1

The one thing I can find that's wrong with this fine piece of literary work is this. How are you going to get her back it your life because a happy ending gives people hope that they will be loved again. It end on a negative note like you are willing to give up on love that easy? Fight for her at least...It's what she would want you to do....

Answer 2

I know what i'm about to recommend doesn't coinside with the kind of loss you're writing about, but check out this poem:

Elizabeth Bishop's "The Art of Losing". Let me know what ya think

Answer 3

When I first read this I didn't realize it was about the loss of a loved one through death.  Knowing that, I think the pathos and tenderness are the strength of this poem.  Would you mind if i made a small suggestion?  I think it would be less contradictory to say "I would erase you" instead of "I could erase you" followed by "I cannot". I get the impression this person was "lost" to you by their own hand. Very tragic.  I am impressed by your power to invoke these emotions.  Thank you.

Answer 4

I like it a lot.

Answer 5

"HI!"

If people have a hard time grasping this poem,than I don't know what to say. If simplicity is what you were aiming for,than you sure did detail your emotions in exactly that way.

I do think the poem is great. though I only have one bad thing to say and that is. I think if someone was that dear to you, you may of wanted to emphasis, imagery and meaning to it. but I think i know where your coming from. you can't really colour whats really black and White, but i have seen your other poems and you splash a lot of colour into the blackness. but your a very talented writer, so if you write it simple or in style. It's always tuns out great. All and all, I think you achieved what you were aiming for. Remember it's you that has to accept and ike it, and know it's true meaning to you. at the end of the day. Cheers.

Good Job. : )

Answer 6

Ok, so at the beginning i thought it was going to be another cliche poem about a breakup and how you're oh so very sorry you didn't do something. It turned out to be almost exactly that, except for the little piece of rhyme and rhythm at the end. The last three lines were pitch perfect, but you had nearly no imagery, which is basically what i rate poems on, how they use words, rhythm, metaphors and similes, etc. I personally think it would be better if you added those types of elements into the poem, but that's my opinion.

~sig~

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