A solution to my 7 yr old's behavior issues???

Question

I'm a stay-at-home mom with a 7 yr old son and 4 yr old daughter. My home-schooled son is very sweet and caring, but becoming increasingly more defiant. He waits until we're asleep, then wakes his sister up to play. He waits until we leave the room, then antagonizes her. He forgets the simplest of tasks, and wanders around playing with his toys. When we correct him, he completely dazes off. We've tried time-out, grounding from toys and television, etc. Nothing has worked at all. Lack of a father figure isn't a problem, and neither is him needing attention. We all ice-skate and play hockey together 3-5 times a week. Our family is the number 1 priority. We don't baby or spoil him. There are no favorites. I just don't understand why this is a problem. He can focus on other stuff for as long as we'll let him, for example he loves to read books and build lego masterpieces. Any suggestions???

Answer 1

Rather than ground him from doing something, give him something for doing  things you want him to. Examples- If he likes Lego's get him a little set and give him one at a time when he does assigned tasks, showing him the picture, holding the best pieces for last and promoting the excitement in getting them.  If he doesn't wake up his sister, give him a book he wants and tell him why. Also  you can find time where he can burn off social energy with kids his age.

A little bit of defiance to me is much more desirable and normal  than extreme-cooperative-people-pleasing-neve...  Those kids scare me!  He is an individual with his own ideas that he is acting on.  How someone acts and what their preferences/personality is don't always reflect on the family.  An experienced teacher once told me that she had known some wonderful kids with terrible parents and some wonderful parents with difficult kids.  It sounds like he is a very lucky, sweet  kid with a terrific family!  

Answer 2

at this age , psychology studies show that kids may start to be influenced by peers rather than the parents. Also, on the contrary, a lack of peers in the child's life can result in the feeling of need for being defiant. If your rules are very strict, allow your child to have limits that are more slack. You should see an improvement that is based on appreciation. When a child does something wrong, it is important to introduce the child to the idea of punishment and reward. if the child does something against your rules and it is intentionally broken, the child should be punished. The way you punish your child may affect his behavior, however. Studies have proven that in all cases, and in some children even worse, long punishments only make matters worse. rather than stretching the time of a punishment, change its intensity. Take away all fun things for a day or two... allowing only reading or house work..

use your instinct as a parent, only you can tell what is best for your child, not an internet answer source, book, or other method.

Answer 3

Take all his toys away (including video games and tv, then he can't play with his sister when you go to sleep.  Have him earn one thing back each day he sleeps without playing at night, then when he does it again he loses them all again (whatever he has earned back so far).  You could also one night sit outside his room and wait for him to come out and talk to him about why he can't do it.  Get a door alarm for his bedroom door, and when he opens it to leave the room to play with his sister you will be woken up, a few times with that and he'll stay in bed for the night.  Do you have a set schedule for bed and waking up?  Put him to bed at the same time every night, and wake him up at the same time every morning, whether he slept the night before or was playing, and don't let him nap because he played instead of sleeping the night before.  You probably know how much sleep he needs each night, so allow him to have that much, and no extra because he decided to play at night.  Do they have time each day where they can play alone together?  make sure they have set time each day for just the 2 of them.  They have child-proof door nob covers, which are not safe to use to keep a child in a room, but you can put one on the outside of your daughters room so your son can't get in.  (They loosely cover the door nob and you need to push down on two spots to open it, it may work for a little while until he figures out the trick).  A girl I babysat had a baby gate to keep her in her room, which I don't agree with, but if you have a taller gate you could try it, again I don't agree with this and I think it is dangerous.  I would also tell your daughter that when he wakes he she should tell him no, wake you, and absolutely not get up and play with him.  For her, I would recommend taking away a toy when she gets up and plays with him instead of getting you to get him out of her room and into bed.  I can be tempting for her to want to play and she needs to also no that she can't play with him after bed time.  Make sure she knows there is consequences if she gets up and plays with him, it is not her fault that she gets woken, but she can tell him no or get you to deal with it.

      The getting off track part, is he in a room where he can see all his toys, if he is then move him to a room with no toys to grab his attention for getting off task while he studies/learns.  Also keep reminding him to focus, compliment him when he has done well, and give him enough breaks.

Answer 4

He sounds like your average, normal seven year old to me. Nobody's perfect and it's only human nature to test your limits sometimes. It's hard to concentrate on things you don't want to do when there's so much you'd rather be doing instead! All of the things you have mentioned, my siblings and I were guilty of on a regular basis, each and every one of us. And we were all homeschooled, my father was a deacon, and my mother stayed home and didn't work, so it's not as if we were all poorly treated and left to our own devices. I think you should just keep steadily reminding him what is expected of him, without demeaning him or being harsh, and remember that this is just some sort of phase he will most likely soon grow out of.