A state of difference, your thoughts?

Question

Fire.

A blade of wind hit my cheek,

A deepened violet my skin did turn,

An orange flame my heart did seek,

But h**l released that day to burn.

A brown and green rustle up high,

A white knuckle was scraped,

A pulsing red through a vein,

A woollen head was now capped.

A tarred flooded jungle,

A splash of soles did plop,

A soaked man stood still,

Not one has a solid mop.

A revelation in droves,

A hardened soul now beat,

A heart broken by season,

For want of a glowing hearth.

Answer 1

Some of your best work yet, I think Todd said it best when he said it was unlike anything that he writes, because I feel you wirte in the era of past times, well done, bravo.

Answer 2

That was very cool.

Your style is so unlike anything I write that I can't help but appreciate it.

Solid ending and nice building through the colors and images--what really stood out for me though was the rhythm...the natural cadence.

I sometimes get a little put off by syntax choices like "my skin did turn" but for whatever reason I felt it worked here.

Excellent last line...and I did enjoy these also:

But h**l released that day to burn.

A brown and green rustle up high,

(not to take the lines out of context, but they did pop for me and stood out as really well done when I read them).

Answer 3

i really liked it. i like the beat. you should try and sing this song.

check out my poem im 11

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