A suitable punishment for stealing?

Question

Our 9-yr old son has been taking small things from time to time, then suddenly appears to 'find' them in his bedroom. The latest is a calculator from a shop we went to today. Apart from making him return the item to the shop tomorrow, and apologise to the shopkeeper, should we punish him further, and if so, how? Whilst I can accept this is a 'normal' part of growing up, what can we do to discourage/stop this behaviour?

Answer 1

no way is stealing a normal part of growng up especially at the age of 9, give him a good crack so it hurts so h**l associate pain with stealing if he does it again hit him harder until hes conditioned to know stealing will result in pain or something worse better still arrange the shop to scare him by pretending the police are coming to arrest him scare the bugger

Answer 2

There are the old stand by's which are spanking or grounding .. and i think that if he does it again it should result in a severe spanking but i would try a different approach first ,,

You're son needs to understand what stealling does to other people how it affects them how it makes them feel.. I would stage a mock robbery where he comes home and finds that his favorite posessions are missing .

That should do it ... When he experiences the loss , the anger , and the sadness over loosing something he loves and then is reminded of what he has done to others THIS SHOULD BE ENOUGH...Now if you want to take it a step farther , tell him he has to give you something that is special to him and that possession should then be taken away permanately .. He has to choose ... he has to give it to you and he has to watch you as you get rid of it ... The first suggestion is an effective teaching tool the second one is REAL punishment that will hurt more than any spanking would ...

Answer 3

Take his favourite toy off him - it'snot normal to steal. He needs to know right now that it's wrong or he will turn into a theaving little scumbag

Answer 4

ask him why he is stealing, he might be doing it for attention.  I would make him hold up a sign (for 30 min) that said I stole from this store (with the owners permission).  and an apology letter.

Answer 5

I once stole some glass crystals from my grandparents house and my dad made me take them back and apologise - i was ashamed and he didn't punish me further and i certainly learnt my lesson.

You have to make sure that you make your son speak loudly and clearly and look at the sshopkeeperwhen he apologises - don't let him get away with mumbling and looking away.

Leave it at that.

If it happens again - thats when you start punishing him.

Answer 6

He clearly has a problem.  It could just be a bad habit, but could be kleptomania, and this comes from stress a lot of the time.  Ask him about it, try to find the reason for his stealing, why he wants to do it.  

But there is still no excuse, and there has to be punishment, I'm afraid.  Every time he does it, take something away from HIM for the thing he's stolen and say, "How do you like being stolen from?"  This SHOULD work.  And when he steals from a public place, make him apologise in front of people, this is embarrassing.  

Answer 7

immediate removal of privileges, computer, tv, etc, only give them back when he's behaving himself.  that along with the embarrassment of having to go back to the shop should do it

Answer 8

If you don't believe in spanking him then your next step is to go Dr. Phil on him.  Clear ALL of his stuff out of his room except his bed and his clothes.  When he comes home he goes to his room and does his home work, he can't come out and watch tv or play with his friends.  He can only come out to eat and do chores for a month.  When you let him out keep his stuff until he proves he is not a thief and slow start giving him his stuff back.  If he messes up again start all over again till he connects the dots.

Answer 9

I don't personally think that stealing is a "normal" part of growing up.  If he were my kid, he'd be grounded for at least a week - likely two.  He needs to know that it's not okay to take things and then "find" them in his room when it's convenient.

Answer 10

I've seen an episode of "Cops" where a kid was caught stealing some comic books.  When the police were called to the store, the officer put him in handcuffs and treated him like any other criminal, even having him on his knees.  The cop spoke to him like he was an adult criminal, and the kid started crying and sobbing in heaves.  Once he saw the kid crying, he saw that the kid knew that shoplifting was serious.  Maybe you should call the police next time and try this method with an officer, see if it works.

Answer 11

I don't think its necessarily a normal for growing up to steal as such, maybe due to pear pressure the once/twice or because they are young and don't really understand it till its explained to them by yourself,

as hes 9 and this is not the first time hes stolen do the above and ground him for two nights or if he has something to go to this weekend tell him he cant do it/go to it as punishment for stealing, no tv, no dvds, no sweets, nothing.

it might seem harsh but you want him to stop don't you! if you don't punish the behaviour he will carry on as he wont see anything wrong with it.

Answer 12

well if you give him allowance stop giving it to him or do something like no tv or computer until he stops something like that

Answer 13

Stealing is basically a lack of respect and understanding for other people's possessions and a selfish act to take what one wants.

The punishments should really be set for him to be educated.

You could take him to a food drive to volunteer and help out and understand how to be grateful for what he has and appreciate life.

You could make him do chores and pay for other things and not receive allowance or pocket money for defined period of time.

I've attached some websites for you as well.

All the best and good luck!

Answer 14

he is old enough at 9 to understand!  Tell him that by the time he is 10 he could get a criminal record.  Explain petty crime leads to worse crime later on and what happens to people in prison etc etc.  I would ground him and stop pocket money  and treats for a week every time he does this.  The next time double it until he gets the message

Answer 15

If it were my child, I would take them to a community outreach, mission, salvation army or shelter and make him volunteer his time so that he would understand about giving.  Then if he did it again, I would make him donate some of his things to one of the above.  If it continued after that, (I know it sounds harsh) I would make him go to the police station and sit alone in a cell for 30 minutes to see what will happen if he continues...

Hope this helps.

Answer 16

If you've named your son Bogeys what do you expect?!!!! :-) On a serious note, get him to apologise, if it happens again punish him. Hopefully lesson learnt.

Answer 17

make your son do the apologising i remember when i was little i stole an ice cream form a shop and my mum me take it back and apologise i was so humiliated i never did it again, if that fails i would ban him from his fave computer games or tv for two nights or so.

Answer 18

The next time he pulls something like this, ask a policeman to come to the house and put some fear into him, he obviously needs a wake up call

Answer 19

For now just make him return the item and apologize, but let him know there will be other consequences if he does it again.  You could decide with him what those consequences will be.  Also see if you can find out why he is doing this and try to address the underlying problem.  Just talk to him and see if you can find out if something serious is going on in his life that is making him act out in this way.  If he some sort of developmental disability, then he may not understand that stealing is wrong.  If that is not the case, then at his age he should know that it is not okay to steal.  It may help to have him see a counselor.  

Answer 20

When I was younger I too tried to steal. My parents made me take it back to the store and apologize to the owner. This was embarrasing enough, but they also made me tell any friend that called the house for me during that week that I had stolen from a store. Having my friends know what I did was humiliating as that made them bug me and not trust me so much. It might have been extreme on their part to do that, but I never stole again.  

Answer 21

I would make him return the property.  Then I would ground him.  But to really get your point across, make something he LOVES disappear.  Say you dont know where it is, then after a day or so, say you "found" it in your room.  Just as he did.  See how he likes it.

Answer 22

Having read the various answers below (or is it now..above?) I noticed that nobody suggested a little "chat"...even 9 yr olds are capable of a little logic!  I would select an item that he cherishes and simply ask him (without drama..sorta, Man 2 Man) how he would feel if the man in the shop had come to his house and stolen that. Its always best to begin with a non traumatic approach and at least see if he responds. Appeal to his reasoning about good V bad and he may suprise you! There is also the possibility that he regards stealing as the norm, maybe his pals have infused the idea into him? I have slapped my kids in the past but not before other avenues are tried first. Even tell him you love him and do not want him to get into trouble by doing such things. No need (as suggested by another) to "threaten him with police etc. He knows already who they are and no need to make them into 'Ogres'!!

Answer 23

I'd start taking things from his room when he wasn't there. One thing at a time, like his T.V., video games, anything he really likes. When he notices, tell them that you "found them in your room" just to prove a point. Give them back one at a time at 2 or 3 day intervals starting with his least-favorite.

Answer 24

i would say that making him hand it back to the shop is the best way, confronting the person he has just done it to should make him think twice! my sister was 14 wen she broke the front bit of a mercedes car we made her go back up to the girl, hand her it and apologise for wat she had done and was working to collect the money to pay for a new bit. after that she never did anything like it again because of the embarrassment! good luck!