A very short poem. Do you like it?

Question

So many things in life are pulling me down.

Just when I pick myself up I fall back on the ground.

I'm treading so much water, just trying not to drown.

I call out for help, but no one really hears my voice.

Is this my destiny, or did I just make the wrong choice?

Anyhow, I just wrote this on a whim. When I wrote this, it basically echoed my current feelings inside. I know it's really short, but besides that, do you have any advice for how it could be better? Or should I leave it how it is? Thanks!

Answer 1

Leave it and abandon it were it lay.  

It is just too self centered for me.  I am sure others will love it.  But I don't.  I have thousands of these poems, and they are fine for what they are, but there is no sense in trying to make it something other then it is.  A pity poem.

keep writing.  your not a bad poet just don't spend any more time with this one, you have much grander things to explore and write about.  

Answer 2

u seem sad..but its a great poem u can expand on it nothing really i can help u with it because its great:)

Answer 3

I think it'

s totally awesome and really likes it a lot.You should keep writing but maybe a bit longer next time ..