A wife speaking up for her son with the Baseball league?

Question

MY husband is out of town. He is involved with coaching my sons activities in every sport. He is out of town. My drive for work is 2 hours each way. the team my son was put on for the Fall Baseball, was one of Jeff's good friends team however it was another half and hour each way and the practice was two hours long. I just couldnt do it I thought twice a week. I was trying to get a hold of the coach and he wasnt responding I needed to know if carpool arrangements could be made or if I should just go to a more local team. I didnt hear practice was starting so I called the age group league organizer and he put him just like that on another team for me. My son went to practice the team had been practicing already for two weeks and my son is a great athlete and they treated him like a newcomer. The next day the coach on the original team emails and says come to practice we can mae carpool arrangements the practices are over because its a short season he explained to me it wont be so bad. Dylan my son came home not happy with that team he was put on so I emailed the organizer and said hey look Dylan wants to be put back on the other team and here are the reasons which I just told you, and because Dylan wasnt happy. So my son goes to the original team practice he was originally placed on because i didnt hear back from the league organizer. My son came home so happy from practice. I emailed the organizer again and finally got a response saying Dylan is to remain on the other team he switched him too. I didnt like that response. Being a social worker i spoke my mind sent emails to both of my team coaches and my husbands friends, and they said leave it up to the league at this point. I spoke my mind and I said its not about how many kids you have on each team its about my kid being happy now, yes I appreciate what you did however the games havent started yet. You had the same amount of kids on that team if I hadnt asked to put Dylan on that team so what the big deal.

He emails me back he doesnt call, and sends making me feel guilty email that how he made all of these special arrangements to make this happen. This was all in a matter of 3 days. It wasnt a big deal. Then I found out when he emailed me that he was teh CDR of NAVSEA a local base down here so he's a control guy to begin with.

SHould I feel embarrassed here with my husbands friends because I do. I sent emails back and forth when this request of mine should have been simpler, yes I made the mistake in the beginning but was just trying to get answers and when I did it was too late and then my son wasnt at all happy, and it wasnt a big deal to puthim back on the team. I think he could have handled this better without emabarrasing me. But because he's got these positions of power I look bad, or do I? Because others want to impress him??

Need your advice. I did thank him gratefully in the end and left it at that.

Answer 1

I agree with the guy in charge or whatever, this question is confusing.  It's ok to make a request but keep in mind that's what it is a request.  They do not have to do as you request.  They were very accomodating with you on the first request and then you go and want them to undo their efforts.  There are other people in the league besides your child that needs to be taken care of here.  You cannot expect these people to jump through hoops for you just because you make a request (even though that's what they did)  So your kid was unhappy, he needs to deal with it. If he is not happy with his middle school or high school team are you going to change schools?? A line has to be drawn somewhere. He is going to have teammates, coaches, coworkers, classmates that he is not happy with. This is life. It will make him stronger if he learns how to succeed IN these environments rather than having you pull him out of them when a little bit of adversity arises.  

Answer 2

People make mistakes. This sounds like it was a complicated thing, and you didn't make it any easier with this long question.

Answer 3

Should you be embarrassed? Yes. You made a mistake that made everyone's lives more complicated. Imagine being the guy in charge of the league, how many of these requests is he getting?

What does being a social worker have to do with it? Why would you send emails out to all your husband's friends?

The saying is "Sleep in the bed you made." It doesn't matter who's fault it is, work with what you have, and make the best of it. That will be a good life lesson for your son as well. Every action ahs some kind of consequence. In this case you didn't like the consequence, you can't always "take it back".

Answer 4

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.......

I'm sorry I feel asleep, what were we talking about?

Answer 5

As a former little league coach I have to tell you that i think that you have done your son a great disservice by telling him that  because of his superior athletic ability he doesn't have to play by the same rules as the rest of the kids in his league do.

Answer 6

If your son is a gifted enough athlete or at least has the drive to become one he will turn heads on his new team, and earn the respect from his teammates.  Somehow its already been 10 years since little league for me, but i can remember us all giving the new guys a hard time, myself included when i was the new guy.  However soon as one of them came through with a big hit, or a nice throw or catch etc. they became one of us.  And yes they  would then in turn 9 times out of 10 give a hard time to the next newcomer.  It might sound a little bit harsh to you and i know you love your son, just remember that he will learn to appreciate and learn from these circumstances.

Answer 7

Well, I think it's funny that you mention that he's the CDR of NAVSEA, so he's a control guy (negative spin), but you're a social worker, s you speak your mind (in a positive spin)

Email isn't the answer to everything, sometimes a phone call will solve it.

First issue, you have a long drive to work.  Not his problem.

You want a more local team because it's convenient on you, understandable.  They accommodated you.

They treated your son like a newcomer.  Wasn't he a newcomer?  

So, the old coach says "hey, we can make carpool arrangements", you should have said "that would have been great if you would have said that right away".  So, you can blame him, but if you only tried to reach him one way (and I'm assuming email because you said he wasn't responding), then the blame lies with you.

And as much as it seems like the important thing (to you) is that YOUR kid be happy, that's not whats important to the league.  The important thing is fairness.  They accommodated your request, now you want to take it back.

Emailing your husband's friends, what was that supposed to do?  Are they on the baseball executive committee or were they supposed to support you in your dis-satisfaction.

Perhaps, before your husband had gone away, these things could have been discussed.  

I'm the treasurer of a local baseball league and it's not about power, we are there to keep a community activity going.  Sounds like you were impatient and like a lot of people now a days, think you (and your family) are the only important ones in life.  

Sounds like you tried to embarass him and take control.  

I'm glad you thanked him in the end, but it's totally on your shoulders.

Answer 8

This question is too long

Answer 9

Wow.  That sounds like a pretty simple situation that turned out bad.  I can understand your frustration here, but I would let it go.  There's no reason to embarrassed over this, but I wouldn't put your business out there to everyone like that again (seems like you already agree with that statement).

Since you did finish the correspondence by being grateful and thanking him, I don't think this puts you or your husband in a bad position.  Military politics are tricky, but a simple face-to-face where you thank the guy will ease his ego enough.

In short; you're OK.  I hope your boy doesn't feel too bad about this and still enjoys his season.

Answer 10

I think that if you knew your commute time, knew that your husband was going to be out of town and that the practices were 30 min away, you should have asked your husband's friend to try and put the kid with a team that practices close to you.  That way you would have avoided all this embarrassment. Since that has passed, now you should feel embarrassed because the league was working around your schedule to meet your needs and then you back out.  I know it was bad that they didn't respond in a timely manner, but still you had to stick with what they gave you.  They had already worked on the uniforms and budget for each of the teams based on your changes and you went ahead and changed it back.  It's not as simple as just this kid is on this team and now on this other team.  They make team uniforms for them and give equipment to the coaches based on the number of kids.

Next year, ask your husband to be there for your son.

Answer 11

Having been involved with Little League management over the years I was prepared to give you my thoughts on your situation, until I read the response of Brettj.  He pretty much sums up the issue and has presented you with good advice.  Therefore, I will second his response.