A woman got pregnant against her husband's wishes...?

Question

A friend of mine told her husband she was on birth control when she wasn't. She's pregnant now and while he was upset at first, he's okay with it now but still has no clue what she did. My sister thinks I should tell him but I think it's none of my business. I don't think it's a big deal but my sister thinks otherwise. I don't think a marriage should be ruined over this. After all, he is looking forward to the new baby now.

I'm not asking what I should or shouldn't do. I'M NOT going to tell him. It's none of my business. I'm just wondering about general opinions on what she did.

Answer 1

Although she tricked him into thinking she was on the pill, he still should have thought about the long run anyways. I mean, anytime you have s*x there is a possibility of becoming pregnant. Pill or no pill.  

Answer 2

A baby is a big step, probably especially for a man. I don't think she went about it the right way, it's a shame they couldn't discuss and compromise something (however, maybe they did??). 1 out 3 babies are unplanned (or maybe it's 1 out of 3 are planned--HAHA!!) making it not so big a deal. This will be a blessing for both of them, and they will never regret the turn out!!

P.S. I think you're very wise for not telling him, you don't need that drama to be apart of your life/friendship!!

Answer 3

I don't think what she did was right at all. I do think  you are making the right decision though to stay out of it.No offense but it seems your sister just wants to start drama. Really its non of anyone's business and it all worked out.That has the possibility of either breaking the marriage or damaging it pretty bad and that's just not what's best for that soon to be born baby.

Answer 4

well what she did was wrong. however, if he truly wanted no more children he would have also protected himself as well. this is my thought anyways. and, how many times have men had an "oops" when the woman was not fully protected. and, how many of those men did it on "purpose". just have to flip both sides of the coin on this one. and, after all they are married and he is excited about the baby--everything is meant to be. i would not say anything to anyone. and, neither should your sister.

Answer 5

I believe that that's pretty wrong of her to do, even if they're both happy with it now. A baby is a big thing, not something that you just decide on your own to do, it should be a mutual decision, and if she was on birth control, there apparently was a reason. someone didn't want her pregnant, or she would've never been on birth control. I think it was a very irresponsible thing to do.

Answer 6

Its kinda screwed up what she did...because it is his babay and his life too, he should have been informed of the decision to not use BC.  What she did was wrong, but, it is NOT your business to butt in.  Most importnant thing is that the baby is lvoed and taken care of, and it sounds like he will do this.  

Answer 7

she was hella shady for doing that. but yeah its none of your business. espically if hes happy about it now.  

Answer 8

Ain't it just like a man to leave all the responsibility for contraception up to the woman.  If he didn't want babies, maybe he should have used a condom the whole time.  It is a violation of trust for this wife to lie to her husband that he was using contraception, but now they have a baby to worry about,  so don't be a homewrecker and tell the husband how the wife lied.  Maybe this husband should consider vasectomy if he really doesn't want anymore kids.

Answer 9

I think what she did was wrong and deceitful, and I would leave a marriage built on deceit.

Answer 10

I think its deceitful and she is not a trust worthy person.

Answer 11

I don't think it matters, because she's pregnant now anyway, but keep out of it. it's none of your business, OR your sister's.

Answer 12

Whatever you do, DO NOT TELL HER HUSBAND. That could ruin their relationship. What I would do is telly our friend, thats not fair to her husband at all. No a marriage should deffinatly not be ruined over a baby but your friend needs a slap in the face.

Answer 13

In my opinion what she did was wrong.  I also agree with you that it wouldn't be right for someone else to tell him what she did.  Especially now that he is happy about the baby.

Answer 14

thats horrible..What if he didnt want the baby for a good reason like he couldnt financially afford it or was to busy with his career to have a kid. Then she tricks him into having one and he obvisouly cant stay mad because he was suppsoedly part of making it. And he cant just not raise his child.

Answer 15

they need to have better communication sounds like, how could the husband not want a family? sounds to me they need to go to counseling and get some things out. as far as the birth control thing it happens everyday. she will tell him when time is right preferably after baby is allready born lol.  

Answer 16

I have thought about doing this myself but decided against it and decided to try talking to him again a few more times. I don't think it is horrible to think about tho....just my opinion.  

Answer 17

Nah, I wouldn't say anything either, it's their business.

Answer 18

I think it's wrong and unfair. She lied. She is a liar. She did what she wanted to do without considering what her husband wanted and she did so by fraudulent means. They should have talked it out but it meant that she might have to compromise. It seems to have worked it out. I think you are right to stay out of it. What a horrible situation though if it comes out that you knew about it.

The web we weave when we practice to deceive.

edit: I'm glad that it appears to be working out and maybe it was for the best but wow. What a risk.

Answer 19

I wouldn't tell. A friend of mine did the same thing and had a little girl. She's never told her husband (that I know of) and has no plans on doing so. Her husband wasn't necessarily upset, but was a little curious as to how that could've happened. Some things are better left unsaid b/c then it messes w/ the whole trust issue and marriages CAN break apart b/c of that. He won't know what she has or hasn't lied about. Pick your battles!  

Answer 20

I agree with you that it wouldn't be your place to tell him.  But I am one who is not for telling people anything that isn't my business.  If I knew my friend's spouse had cheated on them, I probably wouldn't tell them, since it will bring nothing but heartache, and people usually resent the messenger.  Worse things have been done.  Maybe she knows her husband well enough to know that he would be happy about it eventually, so she was really looking out for his happiness too.

Answer 21

what she did was wrong, lieing to her husband is wrong.  good that your staying out.  the husband is being a good sport.  the wife seems like a lying scorpian woman,

Answer 22

dude, i would stay out of it....that is some drama that they dont need and neither do you.

if he's happy, then good for them. she's getting what she wanted, and he's okay with it.

Answer 23

It is a big deal. She would not have tricked her husband if she really cared about him. It is not just her decision, it's his life too. That is not going out and buying a new TV without tellling him. I think she is REALLY wrong for doing that, however it is not your place to tell him. If it bothers you, you should talk to her about her confessing it to him. She should be the one to tell him.

P.S. if you think it would ruin the marriage for him to know the truth, then it's a big lie... worse than having an affair because it doesn't affect the rest of his life like having a baby.

Answer 24

Its nothing 2 do with u r ur sis, not to sound rude but y would u even think about telling ur friends husband.... Leave it and 4get all about it.... the baby is a gift....

Answer 25

I think its very wrong what she did. A baby in a marriage should be a mutual decision. But your right I wouldn't butt in. But yes that's very wrong of her to do and selfish.

Answer 26

well she wasnt in the right for doing it without his consent, however theyre married.  if hes ok with it now, then thats all that matters. its not like shes some S****y nasty 15 year old who deliberatley sets out to have a baby, no matter what or who. Your sister needs to keep her opinions to herself. she doesnt need to go and punch a hole into someones marriage because of her own self righteousness. Tell her to stop being such a busybody, no one liks a meddler and to just keep her mouth quiet.  And there isnt anything unfair about it, maybe he needed that extra little push to realize he might want kids after all. and hes going to fall in love with that baby when its here. thats the only thing that matters. your sister needs to mind her own business.

Answer 27

i think its really messed up to for a women to LIE to her husband, regardless of what he issue is. if i were the husband i would be furious! not about having the baby but the fact that i got lied to i would feel totally betrayed  

Answer 28

that's really messed up what she did, I would stop being friends with her over it, but that's me. I do agree that you should NOT tell him, it's none of your business.

I do think that some(not all) men are reluctant to make any real decisions, especially when it comes to having kids, so they do need to kinda be guided...I have a friend like this, and he had the perfect life with this wife(they are both early 30's been married 7 years), she was ready for kids,he wasn't, they ended up breaking up over it. But at first she started talking to him about it, he bought a dog(to try "parenting" he said) a year and a half later, she starting talking about it again, he bought her a kitten, within a year they had seperated. it was sad, and he admits it was because he was scared

Answer 29

What she did was wrong, but I also think you shouldn't have told your sister... I hope sis doesn't butt her nose in, where it doesn't belong! It can't be undone; she's pregnant, so, the baby is what matters, at this point... NO DRAMA!

*edited* I retract my comment about you telling your sister, then. I was mistaken. :)