ADHD kid, his homework and behavior referrals.?

Question

My husbands son has ADHD, but attends a school for gifted children.

The boys mother (Pain-in-the-Arss X-wife) is CONSTANTLY calling my husband about this 12 yr old's behavior....

ie: playing "chicken" in the street at the bus stop, talking to girls at the bus stop, fighting with his mother about doing his 30 pre-algebra problems and other homework every night.

Although the initial agreement was that she would take charge of the children's schooling, she now has told my husband that because he's not coming over there every night it's causing this child to not do his homework and mis-behave at school.

He never went over there before to help with homework... ever. They have been divorced for three years... What's up with the mom?

My suggestion was that if she has continual, constant problems with this child then maybe he needs to live with us.

The Mom is having no part of that idea... just continues to blame my husband, her x-husband for any and all problems she has with the children.

What can we do?

My husband is always available to take the kids and we spend alot of time with them.

The X- has started dating but none of her relationships are working out, (surprise!) now she's worse than she was before.

Any good advice from out there?

Answer 1

I would tell your husband to be firm with her about the fact that he is not running over there every night to do the kids homework with him, and that if she can't handle it, then the boy can come live with you during the week.  Either stop the phone calls, or  hand over the kid!  End of story.  My daughter has ADD and homework is a bit of a pain, but she does it herself.  He probably needs a quite area to work with little to distract him.

Answer 2

The child isnt doing his homework because the mother doesn't really care if it gets done. If she did care she would be doing something to fix it instead of blaming the father. I have a child with ADHD. Homework is a HUGE pain in the ***. But i dont have time to call and blame everyone else for that. And if i harp on my son it gets worse. he has a quiet area and knows when its time to do homework. 9 times out of 10 he does it. If your step son did his homework she wuldnt have that to complain about. I would seriously suggest looking into changing the custody orders. Its the only way her issues will stop.

EDIT: Angel if they have asked for the son to move in with them the father and her obviously take their responsibilities to this child very seriously. Being divorced doesn't mean you cant help but EXPECTING an ex to come do homework with the kids each night is insane.

Answer 3

You need to try to get the son into something that he (the son) feels is a high risk activity.  I know that sounds a little odd....I mean like BMX or dirt bikes or skateboarding or something that he can get a thrill from, something that he knows there is some danger but something that is also socially acceptable.  If kids with ADHD don't have a socially acceptable outlet for their extra energy then they end up getting themselves into trouble.  Kids with ADD and ADHD do well with extreme sports because they get that "I'm doing something dangerous" rush and the parents are ok because it's a controlled environment and socially acceptable to do BMX.  If he doesn't find an outlet it'll be downhill, he'll start getting into more trouble, possibly with the law, drugs, promiscuity, anything to get that rush.  The x needs to either provide a stable home or turn him over to you guys.  This may be something that a court would have to decide if she's not willing to cooperate.  Talk to his doctor off the record and let him/her know what's going on and ask what they feel is the best option for that particular child.  I don't envy the situation but there is light at the end of that tunnel.  Michael Phelps has ADHD and now he's won the most gold medals ever.  Good luck.

Answer 4

to be honest.....i think your being short headed....sorry to say.

dear it doesn't mean there divorce and he cannot help her at all......hearing all this...it hurt me so bad...i'm a ADHD mother.......you just don't know how hard it is to be on this position.

also you don't have the right to JUDGE her....if her present relationship messed up...."IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS".....seriously.

plus before u marry your husband u know "what his responsibility to his child".

i hope that your husband won't leave u cz of your bad attitude.......i think treating his child like the way u are now....WILL GIVE U BAD "KARMA"........