ADOPTING??? im pregnant with twins and we are looking into adoption??

Question

Right now, im 4 1/2 months pregnant with twins. My husband and i are looking into adoption. Am i alowed to adopt even though im pregnant. I live in Wisconsin. Also, what are the qualifications of someone who wants to adopt. And, if i do adopt, which country is best and costs the lest to do so? the USA, china, africa, india, or canada. possibly england or france too. which country?? I am also worried that if i adopt an infant i wont have enough time for 3 infants so should i adopt a 8-14 year old. but if i do that, will that child mis-behave or act out due to previous living conditions? im so stressed. please help!

Answer 1

FIRST of all, you dont need to be adopting and to say oh I dont want an infant bc I cant hadle another then but we will take in an older child. And oh yea will there be some issues?? Honey you need to worry about your babies right now. No need to stress over this. You cant adopt while you are prgo SO, dont worry about it and just take care of yourself and these babies you are carring!!!!

Answer 2

How about you just concentrate on those precious babes you are creating now. They will keep your hands full for awhile.

If you want to adopt after that - sure - look into it.

There are many many children in foster care (I'm talking over 100,000) looking for loving homes in the US.

Please - don't stress about adopting now. Your babies need you to be front and centre for them now.

Then later if you decide to adopt - the adoptee will need you to be front and centre for him/her.

All the best.

Answer 3

I would adopt after you have the babies. It will too much stress on you. Having the babies, and all of the work that comes with it I think being in the middle of adopting will be hard. Wait until you're back on your feet, you don't want to overwhelm yourself. I would adopt from Africa, China or India. My cousin was adopted from India because his mom couldn't feed him let alone herself. The conditions are horrible there. The streets are polluted and the water is dirty. But Africa is also in bad condition. I would do some research. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think that if adoption of an older child would be a wonderful choice for your family. I think that if you adopt a child in the 8 to 13 age braket you may still have a chance at them not being so rebellious or having as many issues. Also at that age if they did (which I'm sure any child in that situation of that age has not had the best living situations in life) have any issues they would still be young enough to maybe change their outlook on life or whatever else they may be going through. The only thing that I may worry about having a child of that age come straight to your home with 2 year old twins is, would they hold any hostility towards the twins or any of the other children in your home, maybe for not being a "natural" child of yours and your husbands. About the cost, if I were to adopt and this is only my opinion, I would only adopt from the US, and it's not because I'm prejudice or anything like that, it is for the sole reason that I believe that we can't help other countries with this problem before we end it in our own home. How can we make children in the US suffer, and yet adopt a child of the same age, same gender, same race, from another country. It kinda goes to show that you really don't care that this country is sooo over populated by bringing another child from another country in it and # 2 it shows that we care more about what is going on in that country before we care about our children here in the US. So if it were up to me I would put the cost on the back burner and adopt here in the US. Have you guys thought about being foster parents to children and that maybe leading to adoption? Just an option. Hope that I was of some help.

Answer 5

My aparents adopted me while my amother was obviously pregnant.  You can do it, but she felt pretty overwhelmed when the reality of a "2 for 1" hit.  I was 2 years old when they adopted me.  

They began the adoption process before she got pregnant, and she got pregnant very shortly after beginning the process.  They decided to go through with the adoption plans because she'd already had 4 miscarriages, so didn't know what to except of the pregnancy.  Lo and behold, she went full term to delivered a baby boy!

The fact that you're even asking suggests that you should probably put the adoption plans on hold and give it some time.

Answer 6

If you are considering adopting, let me tell you this.

-international adoption is expensive and takes a lot of travel.

--adopting from youre country would be a better choice. this is less expensive and easier.

---i know people are saying that if you have kids already, why adopt? im guessing you want to adopt to give children love and a home. on youre profile it says you already have 2 kids, and are expecting twins. that puts you at four.

----if you are serious about adoption, start researching and looking into it NOW! that way, you will be able to adopt within a year after youre twins are born. There are many adoption agencies that will match you to a teen mother/mother who cannot handle a child that is only 1-2 months pregnant. this way, you can get to know the mom, have her visit youre home, meet youre family, and decide if you are a match for her child. If she is 1 month pregnant, she will have the baby around august. This gives you 2 months to get used to twins before you adopt. My cousin had triplets, and then 2 months later adopted newborn twins. This is possible and legal!

-----Also, if you are considering adopting an older child, ages 8-14, you may want to meet them and then have a meeting with their social worker to find out their previous living conditions, what troubles the child may have etc. My cousin adopted a 13 year old girl and the only reason she was in a foster home was because she ran away from her alcholic parents. dont get me wrong, i did help Tatiana (the 13 year old) through a lot, but she is living a perfectly normal life now as a 14 year old.

So, overall, i would say you are a great candidate for adoption so GO FOR ITT!!!!!!!!! Just remember whats best for you and youre husband!

Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 7

Firstly I would seriously recommend you put your adoption plans on hold in till your twins are at least 15 months old.  

One baby can be tiring/stressfully etc  for parent’s. Two babies is going to be double that. If you adopted a baby close to the age of your twins. You’re talking triple that, you would basically have triplets.  Even if you opt for an older child, that child would still need attention and depending on the age, the child could have some of their own issues that you would have to deal with.

As far as adopting  a teenager if you are 24 you might not be able to.  Agencies and Orphanages general like the adoptive parent(s) to be a certain number of years older then the child they are adopting

International adoption is general very expensive. One can expect to shell out 15+ grand for IA. Sometimes you might be required to stay in the child’s native country for a spell. Take for example Brazil adoptive parents have to stay there between 35 to 42 days. There are some places that require adoptive parents to come and  visit the child, and then take the child home with them on another trip. So you might go to the child’s country see the child spend some time with the child, go home, return at a later point to bring your child home with you. Its typical on your expense you have to pay to get there and back, if you have to stay typical they will provide lodging. You'll need money for food and to do other things while your down there. Generally speaking one of the cheapest types of adoption is  via the Foster care system or Fos to adopt program.  

Countries /states/ agencies all have their own adoption criteria so you would really just have to do some research and see what’s out there.  I also agree with Jenn A you can always start your researcher now.

If you and your husband want to one day adopt I say go for it, there are plenty of kids out there that need a loving and stable home.  I would just again recommend you wait to start your process till late 2009 or early 2010.

Answer 8

Hi Kayla,

Congrats on the pregnancy!

I am an adopted adult, and the mother of 3 bio kids, 2 of whom are twins.

I think you need to drop the adoption plans.  I tell you this not to scare you, but so you'll have a clearer picture of your near future.

After giving birth (esp. if it's a C-section) to two newborns, you will feel like your life had been knocked over by a tidal wave for the next year, at least.  You will be busier, and more tired than I can possibly convey.  

Also, older child adoption is not recommended if you have younger children.  Experts do not advise 'out-of birth order' adoptions.  

Adoption is a very complex endeavor, and becomes more complex when you have bio and adopted kids in the same family.

UNICEF, the international children's charity is not supportive of international adoption, save for the most dire cases--TRUE orphans, which few IAs are.

Here's their position:

http://www.unicef.org/media/media_41918....

Also, an article about adoption that is very enlightening:

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Good Luck!

Answer 9

no your not allowed  i don't know why

Answer 10

Your horomones must really be wacked out. Isn't two children enough for you?

As an aside, France?? Do you have any idea how wonderful a country France is? To adopt a child out of France (and into the US?) would be a heinous crime.

Answer 11

why do u want to adopt a child if u r lucky enough to have ur own??? I don't think it's that easy anyway as u r able to have kids.

Answer 12

Its advisable to wait at least a year between children, meaning, once you give birth, wait a year.  This way you can properly bond with your child before moving on to the next one.

However, you are fairly young (I read 24 on your previous question) so that in itself may be a hindrance.  I know, at 24, you cannot adopt from China.  I do not know about Africa or India, but I think you need to be of Indian descent to adopt from India (I could however, be wrong about this).  You cannot adopt a child from Canada, England or France unless you are a citizen of those countries.

If you still want to adopt, please look into adoption from foster care.

Also, if you are "so stressed out" from thinking about adoption while you are pregnant, this may not be the right time for you to go ahead with an adoption.  

Adoption is a lot more then going to go pick out a baby/child and having them fit perfectly into your lives.  

I think you need to wait a few years, and see how feel then.  You are VERY young in the adoption community.

An older child is not going to just be compliant and passive if they are adopted.  Most likely they will have issues with bonding, and trusting you won't leave them, being busy with twin infants you will not have the time to focus on the needs of the adopted child, which isn't fair to you, but is especially unfair to the child.  Especially if you decide the child isn't working out and decide not to go through with the adoption, all because you were rushing into something you honestly just aren't ready for.

I personally feel like you are NOT ready for adoption at this time, and hopefully most social workers will agree with me.  If I were a social worker and you came to me wanting to adopt at this time, I would try and persuade you to wait.

So my answer is...you just are not ready at this time to adopt, and you should look into it in a few years, once your twins are a bit older.

ETA: You did mention having three infants at once, so how were we supposed to know you were wanting to wait? If you are truly wanting to wait, well good, then you have a lot time to research adoption of an older child and get comfortable with what sort of issues you may be going through.  Because, there will be issues whether you will want to admit that or not.

Answer 13

Say what?  twins are a handful in themselves (albeit a wonderful handful)  there's no way you should be contemplating this now or the twins will not get the attention from you that they need and deserve.

All the best with the remainder of your pregnancy

Answer 14

Congratulations.

I strongly suggest waiting until after your twins arrive to adopt.    See how your family handles two newborns and the inevitable sleepless nights that go with it and reevaluate once you have adjusted.

I've never had twins but even having one new baby in the house threw a serious wrench in our family domestic schedule.  Take your time and see what happens.  This is a very important endeavor you are considering.  Good luck to you.

Answer 15

Virtually all agencies will no longer allow pregnant or recently pregnant women adopt any longer.  There have been too many bad instances of failed adoptions.  The exception is if you were expecting a disabled child and wanted to adopt a child with a similar disability (I have an acquaintance who did that-they now have 2 daughters with Downs Syndrome only a few months apart).