AM I over reacting? on how my husband acts?

Question

My husband has never told me I am pretty, or beautiful he has called me s**y in the past. He does tap my butt every once in a while and may come over and touch me on the shoulder. He says he loves me as well but most of the time I say it first.

We have been together 11 years and I have gained TONS of weight in which I am slowly loosing. In 10 years we have been married the first 2 were great he was great with the 1 child we have and he was there for me when I needed him for support and emotionally.

Now when I need him for support he is hardly there. When I cry cause I am VERY self conscious about my weight he does not comfort me.

Last night I cried for over 2 hrs and he knew it cause I did some of it in front of him he did not even look at me once he just stared into space and listened to what I was saying to him as women need to comforted, told they are pretty once in a while ect.

I need to get Gastric Bypass done BUT I dont have any suport I dont even have 1 friend, my parents are far way I have not spoken to my MIL in over 2 months so I will be completelly alone.

I have talked to my husband numerous times on what I need BUT he does nothing about it. He only writes yo me in IM's does not talk to me about it says he cannot cause its not him ( personality)

He said we are going to be like roomates till Feb then finalize our divorce but I dont want one I just want to be loved by him and feel the magic we used to have.

I have dressed up s**y and have been romantic but I cannot remember the time he did something like that for me and when I did dress up romantic he only saw I was wearing makeup. He wanted s*x I wanted to be close to him so I did it.

His brother died from suicide he could do nothing about it since he just havd surgery ( died 9 years ago) he says he is in a dead end job. I comfort him all the time but I told him yesterday I need it to just not him.

I feel nasty, disgusting, fat, ugly ect I tolf him this he just looked at me cause he cannot say I am not to my face only in IM.

help am I over reacting do most men act like him?

He says there is oone else and he is not looking I told him I will look for someone else cause I need to feel loved not just be told it.

Answer 1

I have been through similar things to you...I've been married 13 yrs and the weight gain and all sounds like me but honestly what I thought about myself and what I think about you is that you are looking for your husband to make you happy when you should find happiness within yourself.  I started going to the gym and stopped expecting my husband to make me happy.  Things are somewhat better between us because I don't expect so much from him.  He opens up and talks to me a bit more and has alot more respect for me because I can "stand on my own two feet".  You were an independent person when he met you mentally because you only had yourself to depend on and maybe it'll be easier for him if you were. I understand not having friends or family to talk to as well, I've been there but that also came w/my own self security.  I've met more friends this yr than my whole life.  I love to meet new people and to talk to people, If you'd like to IM me that would be great.  There is no need to be lonely you just have to reach out to someone.  Truthfully, on the note that he doesn't call you pretty or beautiful, he must find you beautiful girl he's been w/you for 11 yrs.  That's a long time and that says something for his love for you there.

Answer 2

WOW.....no, most men do not act like him! you really need to work on your self esteem, and i do not say that in a mean way. I understand it is hard and you are feeling down and lost, but you need to think about YOU and let him GO!!!!!  

Answer 3

     I hate to say it, love, but I think you're way past saving your marriage.  As you say, you've spoken to him, tried to get him to love you again, all to no avail.  You'll find magic with someone else, I'm sure.  You say the divorce is to be finalized in February.  Frankly, I think it's for the best.  Then you can get on with your life.  Why not join a gym?  Do you really think you need gastric bypass?  Join a gym for larger ladies, something like Curves, I believe it's called.  You say you're slowly losing weight.  That's great.  Keep at it.  I'm sure you're nowhere near as 'fat and ugly' as you say you are.  You're neglected, that's why you feel this way.

Hope this helped a bit.

Good luck

Mike B

Answer 4

i think ur husband jst needs reminded on how much u mean to him... if i were u and if i had anywere i could go and stay like someones house a few miles away i would tell him i need some time to myself and cut all ties with him for 2 or 3 weeks jst tell him u need some time to urself as u r feeling a bit down... if he asks why explain that u need him more than wat he is willing to b there for u ... and its all getting to u badly now... explain that u need to feel loved and needed and at the min u jst aint gettin that feeling!

tell him u need some time to urself and some time of being mummy and wife and then jst go...

with no phone calls no textws or emails and a child to look after on his own... he will soon no his elbow from his a*se! lol gud luck xxxxx

Answer 5

I think instead of spending money for gastic bypass surgery you should get in the gym and loose the weight.  I also think that your husband does love you, but he no longer finds you physically attractive.  Men are visual creatures, sucks but is true.  

Answer 6

Yup most men do think like this. Take care of yourself...you've been letting it slide for too long. Your self estime is in the gutter. My first wife did not get either...she stuck her head in the sand. I re-married a younger slimmer beautiful women...As much as he likely loves you...he's tired of hearing you complain and self pity....DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT...stop talking and do it...raise your metabolism...get some real exercise and start feeling good about yourself. You are in some kind of a rut...when an airplane starts to nose dive...if you don't pull up...you end up crashing in the ground. Take Care