AP'S: If the mother of your adopted child happens to be pregnant again, do you think you are entitled?

Question

to their unborn child?

Would it offend you if the mother decided to parent her child?

What if she placed her child with another family?

Answer 1

Of course they should automatically take the child.  Don't you know that if a woman has relinquished in the past, it's obvious that she's just an uneducated, unrefined crack-w***e whose only "talent" in life is popping out kids for other people?

Answer 2

As my daughter was born in China, obviously I would have no way of knowing if she had a sibling that was also abandoned.

That being said, no I have NEVER felt entitled, nor would I ever feel entitled to another woman's child.

It would never offend me if the mom decided to parent. That's her right.

If this was my situation, I think I would be sad for my child if her sibling was adopted into another family. If the mom was deadset on relinquishing her child, I would hope she would consider keeping the siblings together.

Answer 3

I'm not entitled to someone else's child in the first place.  I wish that ALL natural parents were able to parent their kids.  If we happened to be placed with a child who's natural parents had another child removed from their home later on, I would hope to keep the siblings together.  But I would NEVER want to separate a mother and child.

And I have to say, I really think Sizesmith is trying.  She's got a long way to go, but I'm sensing progress.

Answer 4

Of course not.  I have personally never heard of anyone who would think that way.  I have actually had that happen to me.  My oldest daughter's birthmother called me when she became pregnant again.  I politely declined because we were not yet ready for another child (it was right when our daughter got her autism diagnosis).  She said she wanted to put him up for adoption.  I supported her decision, and in the end she decided against the adoption.  She is now raising her son, although it is tough considering her other children have disabilities.  We help out when we can, but unfortunately we are not that well off.  I can't imagine feeling a sense of entitlement to another's child.  She was not a vessel for our daughter...she is part of our family.

Answer 5

I adopted my son 4 years ago.  If his birth mother became pregnant she could do whatever she sees fit with her next child. Why would anyone assume they would get the child just because they adopted the first one?

Answer 6

It would not offend me in the least if she decided to parent her child.  

I would hope that she would place her second child with her first child (after all, they are siblings), but if she chose not to, that would be her decision.

No one should feel "entitled" to a child (bio or otherwise). Children are an amazing blessing and it is an honor to parent them!

Answer 7

I would hope that my son's natural mother would want to keep her children together in the same family.  But, no, I do not feel entitled at all.

I would not be offended if she chose another family besides me.  She doesn't know me or her son right now.  so, she'd be making her decision for her reasons.

If I found out that there was a family out there with my son's biological sibling, I'd definitely want to meet with them and keep the kids in contact with eachother.

Sunny, I know you're being sarcastic to try and prove your position on the issue, but you really come across as being stubborn and ignorant.  That's NOT going to help children's issues in the long run.  Be more responsible, will ya?

Answer 8

1. No.  Of course not.

2. No.

3. No.  But I would definitely be willing to keep contact with the family that adopted the sibling(s).

Answer 9

i know from experience.

i don't want to raise another of their offspring - really.

i've done enough and i really deserve a rest now.

i would be a bit resentful.  angry.  and pitiful .  i would hope that the mother has matured enough to fulfill her responsibility as a parent.  i have raised 3 children of other people who "had to get their life together" .  they are still messed up and these children are adults now who don't want anything to do with their birth mother.  they come here, to our house to "hang out" ,  with THEIR children now...

Answer 10

Do I feel "entitled"?  No.  Do I feel that my SON has a right to live with his biological sibling if it's possible?  Yes, I do.  BUT only if the original mother chooses to make an adoption plan for the new child.  If she chooses to keep the new child, then that is her decision to make.  

I do not feel "entitled" as the AP, but I would hope for the sake of my son that the original family would at least consider us if they were looking to make another adoption plan.  Not for me or my husband but so that the siblings could grow up as siblings.  

In our case, my son has a biological sister who was taken by the state and placed in foster care.  I think it is extremely unfair to my son that he has a sister out there who he may never know because the state stepped in and would not allow us to adopt her.  The biological grandparents contacted the foster care agency and asked them if our son had a right to be with his biological sister and the social worker basically hung up on them.  We were never directly contacted about the child - we just know she exists.  Even when I tried contacting foster care to get important medical information to the foster parents (my son has a rare genetic disorder that can be life-threatening), I was basically turned away due to "privacy" laws.  All I wanted to do was get medical history to the family.  It was/is sad.

Answer 11

I think ANYONE thinking they're entitled to a child is daft and entitled to NOTHING except a good smack across the mouth.

Children are NOT commodities.  They're not things to be owned.  They're not charity cases and they're not accessories.  I'd like to slap the taste out of the mouth of any woman who thinks she's entitled to any child.

And if the f-mom decides to place that child with another family, it's none of the aforementioned a-mom's business.  What an f-mom decides to do with the child she gives birth to is HER decision.  EVEN if she decides to keep it.

Stupid gits.  I really hope you don't have to deal with an idiot like this Isabel... if you do, I'm truly sorry you have to be the victim of others' complete ignorance.

Answer 12

Heavens no, I wouldn't be entitled.  I would hope she could parent the child.  I do have to admit, though, if she did place the child for adoption, I would really be sad if we weren't the family chosen.  I would want the siblings to be together.  Having said that, I still wouldn't be "entitled" if she decided to place the baby for adoption.

Answer 13

Heavens no!  I hope you don't think that us AP's only think of the natural mother as a continuous birthing machine for us. I don't mean to offend you personally but I think that's really a disgusting thought.

Answer 14

I know a situation where a couple adopted a baby from foster care. She had tried to parent him and ended up relinquishing him to the State. I think she came to terms with the fact that she was too psychologically messed up at the time and could not do it alone. And she was alone. But my friends did not see any particular pressure on the part of the State. And I do not think the State really pressures mother to relinquish. Yet I do not think they took her son because of horrible abuse or neglect either.  

Over the next few years the mother went on to have more children with different fathers. My friends took the next two. Between those they adopted yet another girl who had no biological relationship to the others.

When the mother of the three kids was having twins which would have been a total of six kids under ten they said no. And they felt bad that the last two sisters would not be with them. But they were actually starting to feel like the mother was supplying them as often as she was getting pregnant. Yet they would have been satisfied with only their first son.

So...in this case the social worker kept calling them (and it must have seemed like the phone was ringing off the hook) when this mother was pregnant and they prayed and considered and discussed long and hard after the first one whether they should take any more as all of the children will have a predisposition to addiction and psychological issues.

They were also pushing 40 or I think he was over 40 when the twins came along and thought it was best to let them be perhaps the only children of another couple.

So sometimes it is not so much entitlement as extreme fertility.

I think the decisions to parent later children or place them elsewhere lies entirely with the mother and that APs should not be standing outside the delivery room ready to catch or volunteering unless asked.

Answer 15

But isn't that what 'birthmothers' are for?

Answer 16

No, of course not.

I would hope that she would parent, in a spirit of excellence or if she decided to give her child to another family, that would be her choice.

Answer 17

The mother may be in a different place in life than she was before.  She could parent the child or she could place again, but the choice would be hers.  If she chose to place the child I don't think that the previous AP's are "entitled" to the child, but she may want to consider them first since the children would be biological siblings.  If she wanted to place but felt like they did not honor her previous wished through the adoption post placement she may not choose them.  It really is up to her.  Our children are blessings, we are never entitled, just blessed.

Answer 18

UM......NO!!!!

When I found out she was pregnant again, I gave her all of his baby things.

Had she chosen adoption and another family, I would be a little sad to know that all 3 would be apart. Besides, our plate is full to the max with the 2 we have. We are blessed beyond belief, so I couldn't care for another child and the 2 we have. Maybe we'll do foster care, way..... in the future, but right now, I can't say that "I" would even be able to .

Answer 19

If your asking if the Pap that plans on adopting your baby after she/he is born, absolutely NO!

If they are trying to pressure/manipulate you and won't take no for an answer, than I would lead them on just to teach them a lesson and then say no.

Answer 20

No.  We weren't entitled in the first place.  Why would we be now?

Answer 21

I dont know much about adoption but no.. if you have adopted one of her children already an she is pregnant again that dont make you connected or have any rights to taking that child its hers no matter what. now if she puts this child up for adoption as well then you can by all means try adopting this other baby as well! this mother really needs to stop having s*x if shes only gonna keep giving away her kids... also im sure if she didnt keep the first one chances are she cant afford to have the other but yes it would be very hurtful to you or whoever has the 1st child to know the mother didnt want that baby ut wanted the other one.An i hope that she wouldnt want to seperate the siblings an if you were willing to adopt this one as well i hope that she would pick you as well being that she knows her first is in a loving an happy home. i would think she would want that for her other too!!

Answer 22

Dear Isabel,

I know you only asked APs but I felt my answer is relevent.

The APs in my situation certianly felt entitled. I was promised that they would adopt a second child. (I had concerns about T. being an only child.) I was told two years later that they would ONLY adopt a second child if it were MINE "because we don't want to have to deal with another birthmother".

ETA: I KNOW NOT ALL APS ARE LIKE THIS!!!!

***just felt a disclaimer was necessary...***

Answer 23

I think that if the biological mother wants to give the new baby up for adoption then the adoptive parents of the older sibling should have "first dibs" and should take the child on if they possibly can to keep the siblings together.  

However the biological mother should have every right to keep the child.  Her circumstances may have changed and she may feel able to care for the new baby.

Answer 24

I think she's talking about Sizesmith.  She keeps crowing about how she's going to get another baby from the poor mother of her adopted child even though she constantly badmouths her all over the internet.

But just because the poor girl is pregnant again, Sizesmith thinks she's going to get the kid.

It's pretty sick.

Answer 25

no, i dont think that anyone is entitled to their unborn child. no it wouldnt offend me if they decided to parent child. and its her choice who she wants baby to go to..

maybe shes ready for a baby now and wasnt ready before?

Answer 26

Yes I have to say that would be a bit ignorant for one to think they  were entitled to someone’s baby just because they had previously placed a child for adoption. I’m not an AP but I also don’t think they are entitled to their child’s natural mothers other kids that she may have after the one she placed for adoption.  Now if the mother wants to place with this couple again that’s great, but if she prefers to place with another couple that is her choice.  If she decided to parent this baby I don’t think anyone should feel affronted by that. They should be happy that she is now in a place that she can parent. They couple would still have the baby that the natural mother placed with them.

Answer 27

I would hope that she could get clean and parent her child.

I think I would feel a sense of responsibility to help her out as I usually do. I would help her to make sure she had support and the things she needed to care for the baby.

I would want us to continue to be open and have the kids spend time together.

If she choose adoption I would support any choice she made on where her child would grow.