AP's and PAP's: How many of you felt "led" to adopt? And why?

Question

I'm not baiting, in case anyone is wondering. I'm really curious about this. I wonder if you feel that the God of your understanding led you to adopt? If so, what makes you feel that it was God who led you to this choice? If you don't believe it was God, but you still felt "led" to adopt, what/who do you feel led you to this choice? And why?

Answer 1

While I hesitated to answer this question because of the numerous bad comments I've received in the past, you are one of my favorite contacts, so I decided to tell our story again.  : )

My hubby & I tried for years to have a child with no success.  We were truly feeling as though our dream of having a family was not going to happen.  It was a few days after Christmas, and we had just found out that yet again, our attempts had failed.  I was depressed and giving up hope at ever being a mom.  

A friend called and asked how I was doing.  When I explained the situation and told her that my husband said maybe there was a little girl in China who needed us, she responded with "not a little girl in China, but a little boy here in NJ".  It didn't even register at first.  I was not even thinking about adoption nor could I imagine how to raise "someone else's child".  If God didn't want me to be a mom by pregnancy, then I wouldn't be a mom.  I just didn't know how to accept that.  

My friend didn't give up.  She worked with someone who had custody of their "abandoned" grandchild who had a rare life-threatening disorder.  The original parents did not want to parent at all - heck, they didn't even want to admit the child was their's.  Since the situation with his rare disorder was so concerning, they were looking to do a private adoption rather than through an agency (I think the original parents were half afraid that his special needs would make him "unadoptable" and they'd be "stuck" parenting him - in their minds).   I still was not 100% behind the idea at all.  I finally gave in to meeting the family just to "shut up" my friend and my husband.  

But as we began speaking on the phone, and learned of the child's special needs, and them wanting to meet us, I warmed to the idea.  When we finally met them in January, it was like meeting with old friends.  We hit it off better than any of us could have imagined.  When they placed the child in my arms, and he snuggled in close to me, they said it was as if God knew he was to be my child.  That was when it "hit" me.  Perhaps I wasn't meant to give birth because God knew this child was on the way and needed parents.  It was as if we had this miracle fall from Heaven literally into our laps.  

As the adoption process continued, we hit our share of obstacles due to issues with the state trying to stop the private adoption and "capture" the child into foster care.  All along the original family (parents & grandparents included) fought right along side us to keep things as they were with our adoption.  They CHOSE us to parent their child/grandchild and we have truly been blessed by that choice.  While the original parents have chosen to walk away from our open agreement, we still have a wonderful relationship with our son's biological grandparents.  

So I know people here in Y!A always give me grief about the way I sign my posts, but the reality is that we do feel that our situation and our adoption was a miracle.  It was a miracle for our son because it most probably saved his life.  It was a miracle for his biological grandparents because they can still be a part of his life and know that he is safe.  It was a miracle for our family because of the way things happened.  I truly feel blessed to be a Mom thanks to adoption and if that upsets people, I'm sorry, but it is our situation.  I truly understand that not every situation is as postive as ours was (and even ours had it's share of negativity and challenges my son will have to face as he grows older), but I still feel that we have all (our son, his original family & us) - we have all been blessed by this adoption in some way.

Answer 2

So totally stepping out on the limb here ....

Yes - we did feel led.

I think I've put it in an answer before that my husband and I spent many years after we found out we couldn't have kids just being a couple with no kids.  We worked really hard to get to the point where we didn't feel like something was missing. We had talked about adoption early on (like 8 years ago) for about two minutes - and chose to just be a childless couple.

About two years ago, I started doing research on adoption. It was sort of casual, and I didn't bring it up with my husband - I was just trying to find out what I could. (I'm a researcher by nature). About one year ago, my husband turned to me - completely out of the blue - and said "I want to adopt."  He had been doing his own research - casually and without talking about it with me.  It wasn't a coincidence.  We both had taken the time to figure out what we were getting into.

I think I've said it before - but it was only once we got to the point where adopting wasn't about filling a hole in our life/relationship/hearts or that we were unhappy or missing something without a child - that we both knew it was what we were supposed to be.

Separately from that, I do believe that it was sort of a whisper from God that both of us heard at the same time, but separately. It was something that happened to both of us, without us talking about it.  But that only relates to our adoption in that my faith is a part of my everyday life, I can't separate my faith from actions.

ETA: Actually, I think it was a combination of feeling led and making a very conscious decision.  It wasn't like we saw a burning bush or something. It was a definitely a carefully thought out decision - not just being led by our heart.

Answer 3

What a load of hogwash.

God put me in the womb of my mother and that's who I was intended to be with.

It amazes me how people twist and interpret God's word to make it mean whatever THEY want it to mean.  Dear Lord!!

Answer 4

Growing up and still today I have a very dear friend who is adopted. "Dana" lived in and foster care for about seven years before she and her brother were adopted by the same family. I meet her when we were around seven or eight shortly after she was adopted.

At that young of an age I really didn't understand was adoption was....it was not till I was a little older I got it.

Her natural parents were both killed in a drunk driving accident  and there apparently were no relatives that stepped forward to care for them. She always talked about what she could remember about the "before time" as she called it. (Living with two differnt famlies)

I remember feeling sad for her that her mommy and daddy were gone. As many well meaning children might say, I always thought "I will adopt some day."  

I always knew my first child would be adopted. I just never knew it was because I would be infertile. After coming to terms with my infertility we decided to adopt and eighteen months later my relative approached us about adopting her unborn child and we agreed. She wanted dd to remain in the family.

I feel that GOD led us to adopt because of my friend and infertility. I have been infertile since I was nineteen years old. And suddenly we find ourselves pregnant. Imagine that. I think my infertility was a gift from GOD even before I got pregnant. DD may not otherwise be part of our family.

When DD was born the doctors attempted to discourage us from adopting her because they thought she may have spina bifida. I have worked with special needs kids and I knew what to expect. My hubby and I said we will take what GOD sends our way and pray that he gives us the strenth to endure.

Answer 5

I wanted to be a parent and raise a child.  So, that came from my heart.  My child and I were placed together with God's help.

Answer 6

Not only do I believe that we were led by God to adopt, I think He put a specific child in our hands.  Our daughter has a health issue that requires a lot of attention and He gave her to parents (us) who were well equipt to care for her--possibly saving her life.  God doesn't make mistakes.  He puts situations in our lives and we have two choices--to do His will or our own will.  We can't go wrong following where He leads us or doing His will.  Our daughter's adoption didn't happen by accident or because of anything WE did..... it was ALL God....and it's ALL good.

Answer 7

I cannot even describe to you the feeling that my husband and I had when we knew that God was leading us to adopt our daughter. We both just burst into tears because we KNEW that we were supposed to be her parents! Looking back, we can see the years of heart preparation that He did (i'm sure there is even more than we recognize)! I have never in my life KNOWN the way that I knew with my daughter that God was telling me what I was supposed to do!

***It amazes and disgusts me that people have the nerve to put a thumbs down on how a family was brought together. How can you place a thumbs down on a persons life experience, especially when it is in regard to their faith and how they have heard or seen God work in their own life? People need to have a little bit of compassion. You don't know what someone has been through.***

Answer 8

I am very liberal in thoughts of God, I do however believe in him. I wanted to be a mother but didn't feel the need to be pregnant. My husband and I started to go through the process of adoption and low and behold I got pregnant. I was happy, but we still stayed on the waiting list for adoption, we still planned to adopt. I miscarried which I guess is very common with first pregnancies. It was hard, but I knew it must have happen for a reason. Less then six months later I'm a mom to two little ones. I went back to my doctor he told me, i could start trying again the chance were slim of another miscarriage, but I already have my hands full!! I believe in God so yes i believe he led these children to me. I was here to be their other mom.