APs in Open Adoption Agreements - how do you respond?

Question

Has your child's bio family ever told you that you are a great parent? If so, how do you respond?

Tonight, my son's bio-grandparents kept telling me what a great mom I was, even though I wasn't feeling like a very good parent, that's for sure. Their comments made me feel good, especially to know that they approved of how we were raising him, but I went blank with what to say in return. I just said thank you and changed the subject.

Has anyone else felt uncomfortable in this situation?

Thanks in advance for your answers.

Answer 1

Thank you for the compliment.  I hold your opinion is such high regard, it means the world to me to hear you say that.  You know i think of you as family and your kindness leaves me speechless.

thankfully it was recently thru email so i had time to think of a reply.  Yes it feels weird cause i feel like i'm just doing what any mom would do.  Being a mom at times is a thankless job, so bask in the compliment! :)

Answer 2

I have felt a little uneasy about it, but I think they truly mean it. I think they are just happy to see the children so well.

Answer 3

Simply put....."I am only a great parent because I have a super kid to parent!" Then say "Thank you."

I did feel uncomfortable at first but I find saying this takes attention of off me and onto what a great kid dd is....it's a perfect segway to talk about the child....KWIM?

Answer 4

We were not in an open adoption but I think the simple "thank you" was good.  Anyway,  I think they were saying it as a way of showing their appreciation for you in parenting their grandchild.  It has to be a relief to them to know their grandson has a loving mother.

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Answer 5

i always just say thank you and really mean it when i say it.  the adoption is very open and often i turn to my child's other mother for advice, since she does have other kids in the home.  and this is my first.  

i understand and it does feel awkward.  i don't know if uncomfortable is the right word for me.  we've become close and share many things.  but i always try to acknowledge her feelings, no matter what they are.  i hold her opinion very high and yes it does feel good to have that approval.

Answer 6

Take it like you would when anyone says that to you. You're a great mom. Say, "Thank you". If it had been anyone else, would it be any different?

Best wishes to your family and son.

Answer 7

I don't have an answer for you, but I have been in similar situations.  Working with troubled kids, if a supervisor told me I handled a situation particularly well, my thoughts were, "yeah...but that's my job.  If I didn't do a good job, I wouldn't be working here."  I still don't know how to handle it when people praise me for something I ought to be doing anyway.

Have a star.  Maybe your answers will help me out, too!  LOL

Answer 8

Treat it the same as you would a compliment from any of your son's family members.

"Wow thanks! It is nice to hear I am doing an ok job."

Answer 9

This is kind of like survivor guilt.  As an adoptive parent, I thank God and my birth mother for the beautiful gift she gave me.  She's seen him a couple of times, then quit coming.  I just found out that she doesn't come because she is jealous that we have so much, and with our similar ages, they are so far behind in getting ahead.  We made sacrifices in order to adopt a child (I had to have a hysterectomy, and he is sterile), yet the birth parents were doing meth.  We wish that they could get their act together, and we wish that they would have been able to raise Jacob, however, it would have been a life of h**l for the baby, and we are so thankful and happy that we have him.  I pity her, and yes, I do feel a little guilty and/or uncomfortable around her, but she brought the situation on herself.

I would tell your family, wow, it makes me feel better that you approve, and I hope we all can do what's best for him (or her).

Answer 10

BDP,

Why are we so quick to believe bad things people say about us, and not the good?   Seems like we all tend to be like that, part of being a whole healthy person is being able to take a sincere compliment.

Its good to be a good mom!

Answer 11

My son's mom and I have a mutual-admiration society going on.

She tells me what a great parent I am, and I tell her that she gave me great genes to work with.   We both laugh about it, and enjoy rattling other peoples brains.

Answer 12

When we fostered parents and grandparents told us lots we did a good job...lol they also tell us when they aren't happy about stuff either so we take the good with the bad.