ARE MY EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH

Question

I have been with my partner for going on six years now. He left his alcoholic wife and then we met and pursued a relationship. His three adult children are making my life a misery. My partner's daughter-in-law has spread rumours about me in the small town we live in. She is agressive towards me when she sees me on the road and just last week I found a note calling me a very nasty name in my mailbox.

My partner doesn't seem to want to stand up for me. He made a slight effort at it last year but they just shouted him down, and he let them.

He is partners in business with his son. His son's wife goes into the office to help out but I am not allowed to do that. My partner says it would just make trouble. He says he loves me and doesn't care what they say and that I shouldn't care either. But I do.

I'm pretty miserable and my self-esteem is really taking a dive. I think it has been for a while but I've only just started realising it.

I guess I'm wondering if I am over-reacting or whether I really have a valid axe to grind here.

Answer 1

If you had married your partner, you would have a leg to stand on. As it is, no one respects you, and you are seen by all as the person who broke up the marriage. You can't expect people to respect you when you aren't married.  

If you had married 6 years ago, by now you would be much more accepted. Even your partner won't stand up for you, which means he doesn't respect you either.

Either get married, or give up the relationship.  

Answer 2

no you aren't overreacting, he needs to have a talk with those adult children of his.  My step-son hated me. I was in the way of his mom and dad reuniting, and he treated me terribly in front of his father.  I was tolerant for a while because coming from a divided family I could understand the fantasy of living happily ever after with my two parents in the same home.  I would be sullen and not speak when his son treated me rudely, I didn't want to make my husband choose because I would lose.  Finally he started standing up for me, and my stepson and I have a great relationship now.your significant other needs to tell those grown kids that its time that he is happy, that everything was not wonderful in his and their mother's relationship, but he is happy now, and could be happier if they would just accept you.  I don't know how old these kids were when he left their mother or if she retained custody but if they were still growing up and living with their alcoholic mother, they may be angry at him for not getting them out of that situation also, and who better to take it out on than you.