ASAP: Do you think I'm being too strict for my 4 year old??

Question

She's been having trouble listening to me the last week or so. I just bought her a toy at the store. She got her own bag and everything! :) Then on the way home I looked back and she was tearing the back with her teeth and a piece came off in her mouth, she spit it out. I told her not to do that again...and she did it again right away. Not even in a defiant way, just ... did it again. I scolded her and told her that she's not been listening well lately and asked her why she bit it again after I said not to. She said she didn't know.

When we got home, I took the toy away without letting her open it and put it on top of the fridge. Told her she didn't listen so now she can't play with it. She's heartbroken of course started to cry and say 'no, please...'

I feel like I did the right thing...but I feel bad, too. Need a little 'community' support that I'm in the right here...?

Answer 1

Why didn't you open the toy for her before you got in the car? She had a toy that she wanted to open and play with, her behaviour was perfectly normal.

I don't think you were harsh but I think you should have warned her that you would take the toy if she bit the bag again and not just taken it away from her.

Try telling her that it makes you sad when she doesn't listen to you, you could ask her how she would feel if you didn't listen to her. Have a little chat about it and work out a good system. My son stopped listening when we were out so I started giving him minute by minute timeout each time he doesn't listen. When he came home the first time he had 6 minutes and recently it has been 0 or 1 minute only.  

Answer 2

Just my opinion, but I think you're being too harsh. I know she's 4, but you also don't want to start a oh mom took it away so I"m going to get something from my dad. Let her play with it, be happy and be a kid.

Answer 3

That's exactly what you needed to do, very well handled. I would give her a time frame to prove herself (1-2 days, kids that age have short term memories), and try giving her the toy again.

On top of the fridge is perfect also, it's within her sight but not her reach.

Answer 4

You did exactly the right thing, at 4 she can understand you saying no, and she chose to ignore you.

Answer 5

I think you should sit down and talk to your daughter about her behavior and if she agrees to be good give her back her toy.  

Answer 6

If she's been not listening just over the past week -- see if you can't figure out what's been different over the past week. Is something upsetting her? Was just she biting the bag to get your attention?

Sounds like it's time for a talk (and then cuddles and a new toy).

Answer 7

She has probably learned her lesson - unless you told her otherwise, I would sit down with her, explain calmly why you took her toy away, and give it to her to play with.

Answer 8

Sonds to me like you had a perfectly reasonable reaction. She is 4 and how enough to understand that she has been denied the toy because she did not listen to you. To give in and let her have the toy at this stage would be to reward her for her not-listening. Yea...she'll act like it's the end of the world (they always do lol)....give her sympathy & understanding ie "I know that you are upset becuase you want your toy ,but mummy did ask you to stop and you didnt so you will need to now wait for the toy". Maybe give it to her tomorrow after she has showed she can listen to you - and reward that behaviour by saying something like " well done you listened to me, you may now have your toy". Also good to let her know why that wasnt okay - so a  wee simple talk about why we care for our toys. It is also reasonable that she didnt know why she bit it - children do things all the time without thinking and don't always have reasons for things.

Sounds like your doing well - keep up the good work. All the best:)

Answer 9

well she is only 4 so ya kinda gotta think about that i have had them situations in the car where i have told my kids not to open it but they did anyways and i just told them well if you lose the stuff i dont wanna hear ya crying about it but thats just what i do. i remember last x-mas my son opened a present and i had told him to stay out of them and he blamed it on his little sister and i knew better cause i could tell when he lies so i opened it up the rest of the way and told him see this you cant touch it or open it and sat it on the tv for him to see everyday and he didnt like that so that worked for me with the not listening thing.

Answer 10

No, you are not being to hard on her she is old enough to know better If you give her the toy right away it will teach her that if she does something wrong then all she has to do is cry or whine for it and it will make you feel bad and she will get her own way. You should stick with what you told her and she should have to listen for a while before she can "earn" the toy back.  

Answer 11

I think you are being too harsh. It's not like what she did was something extreme. Lighten up. She is only 4 after all. Yes she needs to listen, but dont be too tuff. You asked, just giving my own opinion.  

Answer 12

you are doing perfectly fine.

best answer?