Abortion/Adoption?

Question

Why is it when someone asks a question about adoption, someone almost always brings up the ol' "at least you were not aborted" or adoption is better than abortion" debate?

Give me a break...They are two COMPLETELY different things people!!

Is this honestly what people think? Or am I wrong to think they are not the same thing?

Answer 1

!*EDIT* i understand your question a little bit better now i think this is just a very sensitive subject for me my dad tried to pressure my mom into having an abortion my mom made the appt and never went through with it and i am grateful that she gave me life everyday i have my two beautiful kids and a wonderful husband anlthough my parents didnt want to "parent" they still gave me my life as for any one telling an adoptee "oh at least you werent aborted" that is completely ignorant and classless how would they know what that child has gone through and what hardships that child has faced i just cant believe any one would say that to a child i am sorry i misread your question like i said this is just very personal to me

Answer 2

How do you not see the connection. That is what I do not get.  Of course they are two different things one ends life and one gives a life to others.

Answer 3

As an adoptee, no one has ever told me that I was at least lucky not to be aborted... but it is something that I do feel myself - I was born in 1969, at which point abortion was legal here in the Uk and had been for a couple of years - so my mother didn't have to go through the stigma and shame associated with unplanned pregnancy - and let's not forget what a social taboo pre-marital s*x was for girls even twenty years ago.

They are not COMPLETELY different things - they are two different outcomes to an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy - and I for one cannot understand why people cannot see that.  They are not necessarily two options that every unexpectedly pregnant woman will consider - but they are two options that are available - both with outcomes that are poles apart.

Answer 4

I think both are in indivuduals decision and to claim BOTH that they are RELATED OR NOT RELATED is false!!!

for some mother they may have really struggled with the decision to abort or place, and for others adortion would never be an option, but each case is individual.

the choice of parenting or placing ARE related

the choice of parenting or adorting ARE related

the choice of aborting or placing ARE related

Just in different was to different people.

My mother had a bad infection when she was pregnant with me and was told to abort, but she didn't

When I got preg before my daughter I was told to abort do to it being a molar pregnancy I DID.

Then when I was preg with my daughter I was told to abort because of the risk, but I DIDN'T.

Each ase is different, BUT for its wrong to judge and assume that anyone would have been aborted if adoption were not an option. Eventhough for some that may have been the case.

There are people who abort when parenting isn't an aoption because of the pain they felt and caused when placing a child So to say that adoption, abortion and paretning choices aren't related just seem a bit head in the sand.

OH YEAH SCEW BEING GREATFUL FOR ANYTHING YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE ABOUT, WHEATHER IT BE YOUR PARENTS, THE LACK OF PARENTS OR ANYTHING ELSE. i AM GRATEFUL FOR TONS OF THINGS, BUT NOT BECUASE ANYEONE TOLD ME TO BE.

Answer 5

It is a way for anti-choice people to try to change the way people think about abortion.  What is wrong about that is that they might as well go up to everyone born after January 23, 1973 and say the same thing.

You are not wrong in thinking they are two totally different things.  Abortion is a choice made about whether to continue to be pregnant or not, usually made at the beginning of a pregnancy, while adoption is about whether to parent or not, and should only be made towards the end of a pregnancy (and in a perfect world would be made after the biological parents have gotten some time to bond with the baby, and the biological mother has had some time to recover from the birth of the baby).  

I am going to say, that while I am grateful to be living, I do think my parents should have had an abortion when they got pregnant with me.  They were really young.   I think that their lives would have been much easier/happier if they had delayed parenthood by a few years at least.   I think that anti-choice people lose sight of reality a lot of times.

What they see is a bunch of "babies" being "killed" while a bunch of "parents" are waiting to adopt.  What I see is a bunch of "parents" waiting to adopt who are too set on having a brand new healthy white (boy or girl, whatever the preference is) baby and they don't see the children who are right this minute being driven to yet another foster home because they aren't a healthy white (boy or girl, whatever the preference is) and so are considered "unadoptable".  If Roe V. Wade were to be overturned that scenario would be even MORE prevelant, and more children would age out of the foster care system without a family.

EDIT: Just want to clarify the point I made about my parents should have chosen abortion.  I love my life, but if I were aborted, I would never have known what my life was, and so I don't think saying that I am grateful to be born is a fair way to say things.  I am not grateful to be born.  I spent MUCH of my childhood feeling guilty for my parents being "forced" to stay together for the sake of my sister (younger) and I.  I felt, as a kid, that it was my fault.  I did not know until I was an adult that my parents had chosen, against the wishes of my maternal grandparents, to get married.  I was a kid, and I didn't know anything about adult relationships, and so I thought because of me my parents were stuck together in an unhappy marriage.  Children are very self centered, if something is not about them, they will make it out to be about them.  

Again, I will say that my parents should have chosen to have an abortion.  Their lives would probably be much better off if they hadn't had to grow up so fast.

Answer 6

I guess they would be in the same catagory when you get pregnant you have 3 options to keep the baby to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption.

but yes they are completely different one gives life to a family.

one is murder killing a baby.

Answer 7

Let me explain something about adoption/abortion that may help us understand that they are the only 2 options to parenting. How hard is that to understand.  If you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you cannot raise your child, you have 2 choices- adoption or abortion. So that is why they are connected to each other- you have a 2 choices when you decide not to parent. I can tell you as an adoptee, I am SO thankful that my birth mom chose life for me. I am also very thankful that my 2 adopted children weren't aborted either. They are not the same thing- you are absolutely right- one gives life the other takes life.

Answer 8

they ARE two different things. i think that our society today puts them together because of the great controversy over the two.

Answer 9

I give the "credit" to the Right to lifers who've invested millions into promoting adoption as an alterantive to abortion.  As well as the NCFA.

I almost didn't even click on your question because i thought it would be "another" one of "those."

I would've looked over it if one of my "friends" didn't star it for it to come up for me.

Answer 10

I agree.  The only thing they have in common is that they are two choices for an unwanted pregnancy.  It is completely ridiculous to assume that every woman who placed a child for adoption considered abortion.  And vice-versa.  

And anyway,  If people were up to date on the population issues on this planet, they would think differently.  Abortion is the more ethical choice in the long run.

Answer 11

I agree 100% with you about this issue and I don't feel the two situations are connected in very many ways at all... Not at least when it comes to the Child.

Some of these statements are made out of ignorance and the "logic" people want to apply to a situation they have not experienced themselves. Some of this comes from Naive Religion and the thought that the mother made her decision to place her baby for adoption RATHER than have an abortion because she chose life.

Biological children hear this stuff too by the way...  My parents were teenagers when they got married and I was born 5 months later....  When I realized had my own issues about these things--I was told "thank goodness abortion wasn't legal in 1962"

I think there are Millions of people walking the earth that "Could have been Aborted" when I was pregnant with my second child 6 months after the first was born--and only 20 a lot of people urged me to choose abortion... no one talked to me about adoption... The simple fact that I had a SURPRISE baby seemed to make everyone believe they could guide me...

Adoption and abortion are not the same thing to me... Abortion vs. Any Surprise or Unplanned baby is more the Truth...  

I believe the only time that Adoption and Abortion are related is in the heart of the pregnant woman at the time she is deciding what she should or will do... Abortion is about being pregnant and having a baby... Adoption is a choice about parenting the baby or child.

The choice of abotions applies to ALL people who were born... Anyone's mother could have aborted them if they had decided to... Just because a biological mother didn't abort her child doesn't mean that child doesn't have siblings who were aborted. Or that the mother didn't Decide to give birth....

All of our mother's decided to give birth.... Many of our mother's may have considered abortion.... Many of our mothers may have had an unexpected unplanned baby so the way I see it EVERYONE is Lucky their mother didn't abort them!

Answer 12

Wow...great question. I'm not sure we'll ever get this one answered to everyone's satisfaction. The reality is that for many, many adoptees - especially the 6 million or so from the Baby Scoop Era (1944-1970's), abortion wasn't even an option available to our 1st moms.  

Abortion was AVAILABLE even before 1973.  Pro-lifer's don't want to admit that. However, abortion was illegal, costly & dangerous.  As such, not readily available to most 1st moms.  

As Gersh said, "give the "credit" to the Right to lifers who've invested millions into promoting adoption as an alternative to abortion."  It's only an "alternative" in the minds of those who wish to push a certain POLITICAL agenda.  

Funny, those same people never push for mothers to parent their unplanned children.  Why isn't that also an option?!  

When I discovered I was pregnant at 16 in spite of using birth control, the only 2 things my child's father & I discussed was abortion or having a baby.  Adoption never entered the conversation!  

We got married & were divorced shortly after our child's 1st birthday. My a.mom pushed the issue of adoption on me, and tried to pressure me into relinquishing my daughter.  I briefly considered adoption - but ONLY b/c I believed what my a.mom said.  Maybe I wasn't a 'good enough mother' to parent my child.  Thank the good Lord I listened to my own heart.  OBVIOUSLY abortion wasn't an alternative to adoption for me.

ETA: I totally get your point - if a child mentions that they were abused..."Well at least you weren't aborted"??? Huh?  If an adoptee had a wonderful life, and is curious/searching for the first family; OR are advocating for needed change/reform in adoption for ALL parties in the triad, we are "ungrateful, angry, hateful, bitter."  

Guess I'm not allowed to HAVE a voice or voice an opinion b/c I was an abused adoptee.  So, my opinion doesn't really count...even if I support adoption in certain circumstances.

Oh well...

Answer 13

Not the same thing at all. I chose abortion because I didn't want to be pregnant, women choose adoption because they don't want to parent.

Answer 14

Lets see, we have billions of kids in a foster program.....NO one wants them.......So lets just have billions of more in there..sure why not.....I believe in abortion....

Answer 15

Many on here talk about coercion in adoption let us not forget their is coercion in abortion too.....after all they sell the fetal parts to research labs and this is BIG business. So if your of the mind set that adoption is the selling of babies....then so is abortion. The difference is one is still alive and one is diseased.

There are far more abortions in the United States then adoptions. 410 to 1. So factor in the cost paid by research lab per specimen and you have a tidy little profit!!!

Ahhhh does not fit into that neat little box where no one is being hurt and their is no profit made.

ETA:

Oh goody I struck of nerve.....! You can't say that you care about woman and then ignore the issue of how this affects woman. Abortion and adoption are both loses for a woman.

Just because a woman knows her baby is dead does not make it easier. When did we as mother's forget that?

Answer 16

it's wrong to tell anyone that.. You don't know which of the THREE options that person's mother was considering.. Okay.. you know they went for adoption, but you don't know whether she considered abortion. Not all adoptees were "almost aborted" That's an ignorant assumption

BUT you are wrong about there being no connection.. there are THREE ways of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.. (Abortion, adoption, parenting) early on in the pregnancy the girl must chose if she wants to abort..If she rejects abortion, she's allready decided she's going to either parent or put it up for adoption.. She may have not decided which, but she KNOWS those are now her two options, if she rejects abortion, and that within the next 9 months she will have to chose parenting or adoptoiin

Likewise someone who finds out they're pregnant may quickly decide that parenting is not an option for them, because of their age, situation, whatever.. They must chose whether to get rid of the child by abortion, or carry to term so they can give the child to someone else..

Abortion, except in cases of medical necessity or rape., is pure selfishness... women today think they have the "RIGHT" to have s*x when they're not ready for the results (pregnancy).. the fact that BC is not 100% effective is NO SECRET, and these women are CHOSING to gamble on getting pregnant, but won't take responsibility for their choices... they're gambling, and when they lose (Get PG) they expect someone else to pay (with their life).. sick..

sorry to rant, but abortion and adoption are related in the sense that they are two of the three ways of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy..

People trying to make "Carrying a pregnancy" a different "Choice" than "parenting vs adopton" are simply buying into society's attempt to further "dehumanize" the baby and downplay how wrong abortion is..

Abortion, Adoption, and parenting are ALL ways of dealing with an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy.. they are solutions to the same problem, not two separate problems..  you start out with three options, then it's a process of elimination..