Abortion Vs Adoption is it better for child to never live or live not know parents ?

Question

I like to know all points of view. I am a perspective adoptive parents and want to make to best choices for my child.

Answer 1

I have an aunt (she is near my age, so we grew up like cousins) that has adopted 3 kids now (ages 4, 8, 11).  We all thought she was crazy for inviting the birth moms (and dads, but they are less involved) over for birthdays, Christmas, and even a couple trips.  

It seems to work very well, and the kids realize that they have several adults who care about them very much, but like all humans they do each handle it differently.  The 11 year old has always seemed better off knowing both moms, but calls his birth mom by her name and his adoptive mom is "mom".  The 8 year old has seemed confused at times and can be very demanding.  The 4 year old's mom declined.

Part of the problem with the 8 year old may have been caused by the birth mom living about 20 minutes away and visiting frequently.  The 11 year old's mom lived about 2 hours away and only came on special occassions.  My aunt has moved and now lives 2 more hours away from either birth mom and the 8 year old seems to be doing a lot better.

Answer 2

I don't think anyone can answer this, and they are NOT the only two choices available.

Answer 3

To me abortion is not even a choice. As for the adopted child they do know their parents. Their parents are the ones who raised them, loved them and taught them their morals an values. Life is always the better choice over death. How the child accepts the adoption as they grow up is an individual thing.  The adoptive parent has to be honest with the child and tell them in a way that they will understand that they are adopted. Being adopted does not make them any less their child.

Answer 4

Abortion Vs Adoption is it better for child to never live or live not know parents?  

The child, whether being born or still living in the best place for a mother to protect her child, the womb is alive!  I think abortion is murdering a live person and murder is wrong.  

(Do I think the same of capital punishment- yes.  But there's more to my yes than you'd think and this isn't the forum to get into that here.)

Answer 5

Adoptive children know their parents.  They may not know their sperm donor and womb but they know their parents.  An aborted child knows nothing but death

Answer 6

In this day and age there is no excuse for any child not to know who his/her parents are or were.

none.

So that makes your question, invalid in my eyes.

However, I believe abortion is an option in our society for a reason. There are MILLIONS of aids orphans, MILLIONS, and thats just one disease.  The argument to bring another child into the world "because they deserve a chance" what about the hundreds of thousands of children alive already who deserve a chance OUTSIDE of foster care, or understaffed orphanages?

I support abortion, and wished I had been aborted for a lot of my life. I am happy for my life now and feel I have a deep purpose for being here, I thank God every day for my life. BUT BUT BUT, I wouldn't advocate for adoption over abortion ever.

Answer 7

Both of my adoptive children were thankfully not aborted and both of them known their parents, my wife and I, so your question is really irrelevant in my case.

Answer 8

make sure you can contact someone if the time ever comes !! identity crisis !

Answer 9

No child should have to live not knowing their natural parents or blood relatives.   It is cruel and unjust punishment and lasts a lifetime.

If adoption is absolutely necessary, I guess that would be preferable to abortion but only if it there were not secrets, lies or closed records.   Every human deserves the right to know who they are and where they came from.

Answer 10

I Dont understand what you being an adoptive Parent (perspective one) has to do with the Adoption V Abortion debate ?

How is that making the best choice for your child ? You wont be making the decision ?

You will have adopted the child ?

I do not understand what you are getting at ?

If the child had been aborted you wouldn't be a Adoptive Parent

ETA I have answered the Question - please see last sentence

And again What exactly does making the right decision for your child have to do with Abortion V Adoption ? Because as already stated ..... if the child was aborted you wouldnt be their adoptive parent would you....

I am an adoptee and if you want some *real* answers from adoptees then I can certainly give you that. Do I wish I was aborted ? NO Do I wish I was adopted NO

Do I wish that I had my adoptive Parents YES

Do I wish that I had my First Mother YES

Do I wish that I was not in this position to have to say all the above YES

Answer 11

Adoption is a very special gift. Giving a child the love they require is great My brother and myself are both adopted and as far as we are concerned mum and dad are our parents.

However you do need to be prepared that they may want to find their birth parents as there are always questions which could be answered.

Answer 12

Deciding whether to abort or not is about deciding whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term.  If a woman doesn't choose to carry to term, adoption never enters the arena of choices.

Is it better to have never been born than to live with the consequences of living  (in this case, the consequences of relinquishment/adoption?)  Well, who can truly answer that, given than none of us have been in position number 1 (never been born?)  

The real issue when it comes to adoption is the choice between adoption and parenting.  Your question assumes that the child is absolutely unwanted, so there is no choice other than to relinquish if the mother carries to term.  This is quite often not the case at all.  The children are quite often wanted, but the parents don't believe they have the resources to parent.

ETA after your additional information:

With regard to the question of parents who have relinquished and ended up hurting and wondering for years about their child, I can only give you the example of my own first family.  Everyone in the family did hurt and spend several decades searching for me and hoping I'd do the same.  I did.  My first father said it has healed a 35 year hole in his heart.  My grandmother said her dream was to have ALL of her grandchildren together before she died.  She died Jan 2 of 2007, that dream having been fulfilled.

Sadly, my first mother committed suicide 7 months prior to my locating her.  The last time we saw each other I was 13 months old.  I do not remember it.

Answer 13

I think there are children already alive who need families, like in foster care, so this discussion is too late for them and they need adopting, preferably by someone who understands (or at least, tries to understand) the issues and will help them through them.

I think it depends on the child really. Some people aren't bothered about being adopted, my brother for one, but I've struggled loads with plenty of adoption issues, and yes at times I wish I had been aborted. But I think it depends on the parents and what is right for themselves and for the child.

But don't EVER tell an adoptee to be grateful for not being aborted. Ok, my biological mom didn't want to keep me, but I'm not going to thank her for not aborting me. Its like saying to someone that they should be grateful because they weren't knocked over by a car or something. You have no right to tell anyone how to feel and you have no right to tell anyone to be grateful for not being aborted.

Sometimes abortion is the right thing (go on then, thumbs down), sometimes adoption is. Most of the time, parenting your own child is the best option, but sadly, not always.

Answer 14

I'm an adoptive mom & I'm almost hurt by your question.  My daughter is my daughter and I am her parent. Abortion is NEVER an option, it's selfish.

Bottom line--that baby did not ask to be conceived. Anyone who chooses to abort not giving the child a chance to live.  Yes, there are some scary people out there, but there are 100 times more people like me who long so badly for a child and for whatever reason are unable to have any.

Answer 15

First what is a parent

Is a parent on that gives life?

Or, is a parent the one that feed, clothes you.  There for you no matter what.  Will give their life for yours?

They are both parents

I know parents that adopted child, that would stand in front of their child, like I would mine, if there were in danger

A parent put the needs of the child in head of their own

I think that a lot of people that put their children up for adoption does that

I think most people that adopted, does that

Abortion, the child never gets to live

No one every put their needs above the aborted child

I think Adoptinon is better for a child, they get to live and grow up

Answer 16

Abortion and adoption are two very different things and dont even cross section each other.

Abortion is not a wrong doing. It can be done in medical complications during pregnancy, and it is not a descision that the person takes lightly. I have been there and know others who have. When I thaught about aborting my child, adoption didnt even cross my mind. I didnt abort her because in reality, I COULD provide for her. I am now having my third and have no regrets. Abortion is a private matter and no one should judge until they have experienced it.

ADOPTION on the other hand is different. The child will not, in some circumstances, never ever know where they came from. Adoption gives the child parents. Abortion is the end of a life.

Neither is wrong, but neither is connected at all. And both are contraversial. Both can be complicated. And both depend on different situations.

Sorry for spelling, I am typing with one hand and a baby on my lap lol

Answer 17

The fact is.. all OTHER murder is illegal..

I do NOT understand why abortion is not?

because they'd "do it anyway? In the back-alleys?" If a girl wants to risk her life by doing something that stupid, well, I guess we can't stop her.. She may feel desperate, yes, but she DOES have other options.. No one's holding a gun to her head.. she's CHOSING to do something stupid and dangerous like a backalley abortion.. but guess what.. when abortion was illegal, girls knew the risk, and most girls chose NOT to risk it.  I defy anyone to show me statistics that show that there were ANYWHERE near as many abortions (back-alley or otherwise) when it was illegal.. I defy ANYONE to argue that there wouldn't be aLOT more cocaine use if it was made "legal and safer"

So why is this type of murder legal

"because it's my body, my choice?"

Excuse me.. what about the baby's choice?  What about the BABY's Body..

2 blood types.. two hearts, four lungs, two brains, four arms, four legs.= two bodies.. so it is NOT her "body, her choice"

Anyway, so abortion is completely the wrong answer

Doesn't mean adoption is always the right answer either, but that doesn't change how wrong abortion is..

the ANSWER is "Don't s***w around if you're not ready to be a parent."

And I know people here are very against putting abortion and adoption as being in ANY way connected, but the fact is, there are THREE options open to a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy

1. Try to "make the pregnancy just go away" by abortion

2. Deciding NOT to abort, but to give the child for adoptoin

3. Deciding to parent the child

True, sometimes a girl isn't decided between #2 and #3 until later in the pregnancy.. but she CHOSE to reject #1 as an option, KNOWING that #2 and #3 were what was left to her, the two options she'd have to chose between if she rejected option #1

Likewise, chosing #1 is a rejection of #2 and #3

so I DO feel there is a connection

Not that #3 is not usually the BEST option.. I'm not arguing that.. It is.. but for some people, they reject it as being an option for THEM.. Some people reject #2 as being an option.. some reject #1 (thank God).. it's still chosing between the three..

This is not to say that ANY particular adoptee "could have been an abortion" That's not true in many cases (because their firstmothers were sane enough to reject #1 as being an option for them) and I fully understand that..

ETA: Phil

Murder= death of an INNOCENT human being  

as such, I am completely in agreement with the death penalty.. I don't see it as murder.. the person on death row  voluntarily give up their right to life when they murdered an innocent human.. that's how I justify the death penalty.

And will you people PLEASE quit equating adoption to kidnapping.. in MOST cases (at least today) the baby was NOT forcefully taken from it's mother against her wishes.. in many cases, yes, there is coercion, there are women who are given no choice but DO have their child taken from them.. but that is NOT what adoption "is"  The FAR greater percentage of first mothers today make the choice to put their baby for adoption, or some indirectly make that choice by being unfit mothers, (i.e, abusing drugs) and have their child taken from them by the state for the child's best interest and safety..

Answer 18

Well, as several others have pointed out, abortion and adoption are separate questions for the mother...

But which is better for the child?  That's hard to say.  If "someone" is never born, then they never know the pain of life.  If someone is born, and adopted, they do.  These are very different situations, and it's hard to tell which is better.

I'm reminded of that saying: "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."  If we believe this saying, then I suppose we might believe adoption to be better.  Myself?  I've always thought that saying was perhaps a bit of an overstatement.

As for the claim that "all other murder is illegal," the point, even if it were true, is irrelevant.  The question doesn't ask whether abortion or adoption is legal.  The question is, which is better.  War and capital punishment both end the lives of other human beings.  They are murder.  But they aren't illegal.

Let me try another nonsequitor, along the lines of "all other murder is illegal":  ALL OTHER KIDNAPPING/CHILD-TRAFFICKING IS ILLEGAL.  But adoption isn't.  And yet, a child is taken from its family and given to another family, with cash exchanged.  Hmmm...

Answer 19

What??? That is horrible. I was adopted and my AParents are my PARENTS. I am very thankful i wasn't aborted, although I guess I wouldn't know if I had been. If I never know my Bmom I will still live a very happy fulfilled life.

Answer 20

I think it is better for the child to live. Life is the most precious thing to all of us. I would rather exist than not. My sis in law is adopted and even though you can tell that her parents are not her biological parents, they are as good as that to her, she loves them to bits and is the perfect child (or was she is 27 now hehe)

Answer 21

I can only speak from my own opinion.  I believe life is an opportunity.  Sometimes, things happen outside our control that make our experience a good one.  Other times, we have complete control of our own happiness.  No life is deviod of either possibility.

But I believe it's better to have that opportunity, than not to have it.

Answer 22

I think adoption is better in most cases. Children can grow up feeling very loved with an adopted family. In fact, if they are aware of the adoption, and how much their adoptive parents wanted them, they are likely better off then some kids.

Answer 23

I carried my baby for nine months and gave her to 2 good parents rather than murder her. I love my daughter and I always will that's why I didn't kill her. I did the best thing for her, it had EVERYTHING to do with love!  I love her. I did not give her away because I did not want her. The circumstances at the time were not suitable for her to be well adjusted and happy and I wanted her to be happy. Nothing in this world or the next will ever separate my love for her. I named her angel, but her parents named her something else. I love you my angel! I always will, and we will reunite in heaven. Unless you choose to find me. I wish you were in my life a long time ago. the parents said they would tell you you were adopted but I don't think they did. That was 32 years ago. My heart still aches and always will. Yeah, I'm ready for the thumbs down. God said thou shall not murder.

Answer 24

I gave up my son for adoption. He was born last august. I regret it every day of my life. I wish I would have never done it or I wish I had an open adoption so that I could keep in contact and see him get older. My biggest fear is him coming around in about 18 years and being faced with the question "Why did you want me?"..... I'm scared. I'm 23 years old, gave him up because I knew I couldn't provide for him..... Did I make the right choice? Or am I going to suffer the rest of my life with Guilt? Who knows...

Answer 25

it depends on the situation.

Answer 26

I can't speak from an adoptee's point of view, because I'm not an adoptee, and I just can't seem to wrap my mind around how that question must feel (especially since it seems to be brought up over and over and over...).  But from a non-adoptee point of view, and someone who has considered the possibilities of "what would I do if the child were in MY body", here are my thoughts:

I am really against abortion.  Always have been, always will be.  However, I have talked to a lot of people who have had or considered abortions, and I've come to the decision that my feelings about abortion just don't have any bearing on reality.  It's not a religious thing for me, since I'm not Christian (although I used to be).  But my feelings about abortion take a back seat to the reality that some of these women go through.  For some, it's the only way, the only choice, and no matter what I feel, think, do, or say, my opinion just doesn't make any difference to this potential mom's suffering.  It's HER choice, and I sure am glad it is HER choice, because I would hate to have to make that decision.

I am also against adoption, unless it's absolutely necessary, and the "gains" outweigh the "losses" for the child.  I'm assuming you're in the USA, so forgive me if I'm wrong about that.  Here in the US, adoptees lose basic human rights just by the fact that they are adopted.  The lose their original birth certificate, and the RIGHT to have that birth certificate, along with medical records, genealogical information, and other information that belongs to them.  Later in life, they might have a difficult time getting medical insurance or a passport.  Not to mention all the emotional scars (why wasn't I good enough?  Why did my mom have to give me away?  Was I a bad child?, etc.).  In my opinion, the only time the gains from adoption outweigh the losses are when a child is adopted from foster care into a GOOD family who is aware of the issues, and isn't afraid to be totally open, honest, and loving no matter what behavior that child needs to display.

Answer 27

Adoption, how anyone can kill their child is beyond me. And to think that killing may be better than giving their child a good home???

Anyway, I am an open adoption advocate. It is proven better for the child to know both sets of parents and extended birth family when appropriate. Closed adoption or this *thing* known as semi-open are on the way out. So to "never know" the birthparents does not have to be part of the equation.

Good luck to you!

Answer 28

Adoption for sure is the best option.  I live in south africa and abortion is legal here so there is less babies for adoption for the parents who cant have children.   its better for the child to live and have a family who loves them

Answer 29

Well I feel that adoption is best in most cases.  In some cases the children do get to know where they came from, open adoptions are more common now.  In cases of closed adoption I still think it works out great for both the child and the adoptive parents because you have parents who want a child but usually can't have one naturally then you have a child that is born with no parents to raise him/her, a perfect matchup.  Just think, the babies that are aborted might have been the children that ended up making a difference in this world.  They could have been the future president or the scientist that solved the global warming problem or a financial genius that could save the USA from debt or a scientist that could figure out the cure for cancer or HIV.  Giving a child a chance to be born means giving the child a chance to possibly change the world.

Answer 30

You will find after spending some time on here that adoption vs. abortion is not the debate. It is adoption vs. parenting. If a woman chooses to abort, there is no baby for *anyone* to parent! I didn't get it at first either, but if you think about it for a while, you will.