One more time I'm asking to the hundreds of you, yahoo answers lovers, since I can't talk about this to anyone. My parents (mom and stepdad) or my sister cant help, nor my "friends". Lets start with that, even though there are some people i once called friend, i feel that i havent been a good friend, for many reasons i cant help them, although i think i am a good listener i can never give them a good advice , it might be for my lack of experience in life (i am 19 years old by the way) its seems that i always make things get worse. (that last sentence didnt sound like good english... yeah i am in the process of learning, i forgot to say that in the first place, anyway, lets get back to my "question")
well, this is all about a girl what other thing could it be? nothing is more important than love... dont you think? let me explain what is going on with my life:
first of all i am, wich word should i use?.. mmm, maybe "numb"... "depresed" doesnt make it... in other words i've lost... hope... for everything, the only thing that gives me a reason to live, is to wonder why the h**l am i still "living"? its so sad i guess, knowing that everyday i do almost the same thing and i cant barely get some sleep at night thinking that "this" should stops.
Believe me that i've tried, but even the old friend Jesus seems to have more important things to do than help me, and its all right, i dont feel like going to church anymore either. i dont pray or read the bible also
in the other side i am an unemployee, good for nothing, stupid, what else, skinny short guy. i am pretty much like $h*t on the ground, WATCH OUT, you dont want to get dirty with me, ooh yeah that there its a good way to picture myself.. and i am not exaggerating its true. and dont try to say something good " to make me feel better" for some reason i dont like that, i dont know why... one thing is for sure known by everybody.. i am weird, and not a nerd book worm, no , not that kind. i used to be like that, there were good times... i am just weird and the problem is that i think a lot about everything anything all. i am pathetic i know, but the worse thing is that i even when i try to not do it i am falling in love... or how could i express what is happining to me, its just a spark of life that is "bothering" me. you should know that i fall in love pretty easy, i used to think of myself like a "dreamer" or some idiot romantic, yeah i enjoy watching those romantic movies or korean dramas that make you cry, i cant help it. just let me show u these "self-help evualuation quiz results" from a video game that tags me like CONFUSED:
"you embody everything that is wrong with the 21st-century male, you are so repressed that you have no idea who you are. sports programs make you feel awkward. you are trapped between your masculine and feminine sideas. you can't figure out wheter you should be ironing your underwear or slapping girls' butts in dive bars. .. you're are too weak- minded to be an individual so you follow the crowd in a desperate attempt to mask your deep-seated insecurities. you appear happy but, secretly, you hate yourself."
and 90% of that is true... yeah i dont like me , i can stand being me, so weak, regretting everything in my life, except, this girl... or maybe not.in the first place i dont know why i had to find this girl and it was "lovely" the way i look at her and she looked at me and boom that feeling started. it sucks, i mean i cant be falling in love right now i gotta "fix" my life, because i cant , i dont want to think that one day i would love this girl, it is so bad. i dont even know her i dont got a clue what her name could it be, but whom am i kidding i like her and thats my problem, i just want to stop thinking that she could make me happy i think its not fair have someone as the solution to my problems, it might work but i think that if i dont myself how can i ask someone to feel something for me? so guys i am just here, open to any piece of advice and thanks for your time reading this... by the way if you didnt understand what i was trying to say (i am used to that) you can look for my email in my yahoo profile , thanks again: and "what sould i do with my life?"
Tags: