About "So What" in the minds of suicidal depressives

Question

I appreciate everyone's efforts to help suicidal people with depression (from now on I will just refer them as SD, or suicidal depressives), but I wonder if we are doing our best.

For example, a SD tells you that he/she wants to commit suicide. You say: "Don't do it! It's the worst permanent response possible to an only temporary situation! Get help!" You expect the SD to actually listen to you, but as a matter of fact all the SD was probably thinking about was: "SO WHAT? I still think I can't be saved!" Your urge, then, was probably unheard.

This So-What mentality, I think, is the hall mark of a suicidal and depressive mind. It makes the SD very highly likely to ignore your Don't-do-it! message. The key to help the SD, therefore, is to help the SD to overcome this So-What mentality.

So now I ask all of you: HOW can we overcome this So-What mentality? Keep in mind that only the SD have the ULTIMATE power to make a difference. Try to think from the SD's "hopeless" perspective, instead of your "everything-can-be-fixed" perspective. Only by doing this can the help be effective.

Answer 1

From the perspective of someone who has many times been a SD and just suicidal (just because someone is suicidal doesn't mean they're depressed) telling someone if they kill themselves they will be dead and it will be permanent is more of a motivation to take the plunge than to get help. Basically the only thing that has kept me alive many times is the guilt of how much I'd devastate the lives around me. I don't think most people who are suicidal want others to suffer.

Answer 2

What you are saying makes sense but I do not agree as an "SD" my self. Not all people are the same and not all people will respond the same way. Usually if it is a loved one who says "don't do it" then there is a greater chance they won't than if some random stranger says "don't do it."

To a certain extent I agree with you, but as I said before no two people are the same and their reactions will be different. It really depends on the person you are trying to help. I agree with you on taking the perspective of the "SD" person.  

Answer 3

I appreciate your sentiments very much. Regards UK

Answer 4

This SD so -what mentality question you definitively answered for yourself. As with any psychological quandary it is common knowledge that one can not begin to change until one is willing to accept the beginnings of change within themselves.

We as concerned family members, friends, or mental health workers do find this to be a frustrating thing to approach. Most SD's are set in their mind what they want to achieve and there is no level of education or passage of empathy that will sway them.

I know from personal experience that the only solution to this is to begin to make the SD understand that they will not change anything by successful suicide, but time and everything goes on as if nothing had happened. Reality is the most earnest of teachers here. My family member had to be told by her children what it would be like to attend not only her funeral but begin putting the pieces of their own lives back together. Most SD's are spiraling in their own pity and rarely consider others thoughts or feelings.

Truly; counseling, and even possibly medications, compiled with a strong support circle (even if it is one person) can begin to help the SD realize the value of overcoming these notions.

Answer 5

I understand what your saying but I know someone who is SD n the first thing I told them was "think bout this what would you think your family would do if they found you dead how would they feel" I used to be a depressed child back when i was 10 i hated myself and i wanted to die but my sister was crying and told me dont do it because i would hurt my family and I am a person who loves my family and I wouldnt do anything to hurt them so its because of my family and GOD that I am still alive.

Answer 6

I thought"so what" was the pitch of everyone in a political office.  

Personally I think the people with something wrong w/ them are the ones that arent depressed.  Look around, the willfully ignorant are the ones who should be medicated and helped.  Anyone w/ an "everything can be fixed" mentality should be hospitalized. "oh just wait, everything will work itself out".  Now we're in a police state, jobs are crashing, dollar's falling, other countries virtually own us, housing drop, inept and corrupt gov, mass uneducation causing the crime and birth rate to go sky high, schools tanking,  gee, i feel better already.

Talking to someone like you definately wouldnt remedy the situation, So i have to agree w/ your so what theory when it comes to shrinks.

Answer 7

i dont get it