About tough love, when do you use it with your kids read below they r readly good kids?

Question

my son is 21

i am a single paret of two a 23 daughter n him my 21 year old part time cop (his dream is to be a detective and this is a first step.

well they both live a home go to college and work full time , i started making them pay rent to live home ,300 a month each they maske abot 1200 a month each

well my son has been having a hard time lately n didn't have the money to make a car payment i had it so made it for him

this week his insurance is getting cancelled and i told him i would pay it if he cleaned his nasty room (which i have been asking him to do for months) and clean the closet by the front door he got home tired from work so i orded him some food let him sleep for 4 hours he woke up and wanted to go hang with his freinds was suppose to be back to start in one hour or i told him the deal is off , he never showed till one hour before he was due to go back to work

i then told him if he drivs the car after monday i will call the dealer

this is because if he gets caught driving again with no insurance he wiill have to spend jail time

he also needs this insurance to possible get a much better job on tuesday

so should i pay it anyway to protect him or should i le him sink or swim on his own

my mother wants to pay it and then i pay her back behind his back

tough love isgood but what about when it could lead to harm, am i helping him readly or am i enabling him to continue being rude and disrepectful, which he is alot of the time

ok i answered my own question i don't help him he needs to learn how to be a man , a man of his word and to respect others

this is i think my last job as a parent and i think it will be my hardest

the more he acts out the more i love him motherhood sucks it readly does anyone esle in the world i wouldn't give it a second thought

ok all those who read this and pray pray for me

i need it

be strong

be strong

Answer 1

You know your son better than anyone. You know if he is being responsible, or just having a hard time. If he looses his insurance, I would think if he gets a ticket it is going to hurt his chances of being a detective. The law applys to everyone. I'm not for sure how far tough love needs to go as I too have had to make decisions pertaining to my boys. If he is being rude to you how about getting him back on track money wise this month, then tell him the three hundred dollars that he is paying rent needs to go to him moving out and being responsible for his own place. These kids are 21 but still need guidance, yet they don't need to have silver spoons in their mouths either. Since you know your child better than anyone, only you can decide when it's time to quit helping money wise. Good Luck and I have three grown boys too...You guys will make it thru this...

Answer 2

Sometimes you just have to let them grow up. You are not responsible for him anymore. You need to stop paying his bills because your son is taking advantage of you and he needs to stop. Now if he cannot afford so much then he needs to find another part time job to supplement his income. Also yiu mentioned he makes about 12000 and 300 goes to rent then what does he do with the rest of his money.  Also he is being ungreatful and that you do not have to tolerate. You need to show him tough love. He needs to move out and be on his own. He needs to grow up nad become responsible. Remember you are not always going to be there to save him. You really need to be strong and with a lot of strenght to be able to not help him out. You will be doing him a big favor by not helping him out. I will be praying. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I will pray for your courage and comfort in your decision.  I became a step mom 8 years ago, and a mother of my own son 2 years ago.  Noone told me how many days, you walk with your heart bleeding in your own hands.  But, that's the job that we do.  Thankless, and bittersweet.  My step daughter graduated high school in June, and has moved in with her boyfriend.  I am so upset, and scared for her but I know that either way she is an adult now and must sleep in any bed that she's made.  I won't see her go hungry or without clothes, but the rest of the things in life are for her to sort out.  I would ask him if becoming a detective makes sense since he can't follow the law himself by keeping insurance... dunno.  It's really great to see a mom who loves their children on this sight.  Good luck.  And I'll deffinately pray with a faith that a mother only understands.