Abusive relationships?

Question

Do you believe this to be true?

It's a line out of a book I'm writing about emotionally abusive relationships. Its somewhat my own hypothesis so please give a real response. Thanks. :)

"Unparalleled relationships characterized by emotional abuse are simply the worst concoction of manipulative chemistry possible. Not only are you so convicted to fix the problems you've been convinced you have caused, you're unable to because you're conditioned to believe you don't deserve the chance. The worst part of the entire thing, you're one of three or more their doing it to. Your human instinct is to blame their other partners and yourself for the world of depression their insecurity has spawned."

Answer 1

Hmm, I have some understanding of what you are saying, but something seems to be out of context.  "Unparalleled relationships"?  "Convicted to fix problems"?  Your language is a little stilted.  At one point erudite and at the very next turn colloquial.

However, you may not be seeking literary criticism.

Yes, abusive relationships are not good for people, but people with low self-esteem are usually the people drawn into them.  people seek relationships too quickly as if they are starving or dying of thirst.  They do not seek other things in life that may be as rewarding and would increase their sense of accomplishment and worth.  Sad, very sad.

Answer 2

Plenty of abusive relationships don't include "other partners". The first sentence in the paragraph, while I know you don't want this edited, really throws me off. It seems like you're trying to be clever or something, when women in this situation need to be able to read something that's clear and to-the-point, not beating around the bush with fancy language. That's the biggest mistake you can make when writing, and it'll turn a lot of people off your work. The way it's written makes it hard for me to agree or disagree.

Answer 3

Don't use 'you' or 'you're'. Say 'the victim' or 'he or she', i.e. "Not only is the victim so conviced to fix the problems he or she is convinced they have caused, but he or she is unable because they are conditioned to believe they don't deserve the chance.' It's more professional.

Answer 4

Try and dumb it down. Don't try and prove yourself to be smart for the readers. It's hard to get through, and it's just not right to write that way.

Besides that, it sounds good.

Answer 5

To be honest the first sentence is hard to get past. What are the unique "unparalleled relationships" you talk about?  

Being "convicted to fix a problem" sounds a bit odd.

There is some incorrect grammar of "their doing it to".

It sounds very wordy and not very readable? Sorry!

Answer 6

i really like that it flows

and it all seems about right

i love your word choice

must have taken forever to think of haha

Answer 7

duh huh