Adivce for a 17 yr old girl considoring adoption?

Question

Hey,I am seventeen yrs old and am a senior in highschool. I am pregnant and still with my boyfriend doing good. I would like to go to college but I really want to raise my daughter and son(twins) but I doubt that I am financially capable to do so. I know it will be so hard so does anyone have any advice? I could really use some .

thanks.

Answer 1

People can and do finish college after having a child young, I did, I have friends who did, in lots of ways it was ideal, I got free child care at the university and a lot of support with child development classes and the other moms, now my son is in his last year of high school, and I can't imagine how worried I would be if he wasn't doing fine, if he was with strangers.

Check out your resources, and best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Please do some research before you make up your mind.  There are quite a few books you can pick up at the library, like "The Primal Wound", "Journey of the Adopted Self:  A Quest for Wholeness", "The Girls Who Went Away".  

Know also that you are your children's mother, they already know your voice, your movements, your love.  You will always be their mother.

As an adoptee, I grew up longing for my mother, wanting to be with her, know her, know my biological family.  I wanted to KNOW WHO I WAS.  It was a physical ache.  Being adopted is tough.

Answer 3

My only advice is to talk with your boyfriend, your parents, and your boyfriend's parents.  Let them know that you would love to keep the children, but that you need to know that they will be there to help you (financially, emotionally, and time-wise).  Ask if they would be willing to commit to some type of  assistance in order to keep their grandchildren (his children) in the family.  Keep talking to them.  You do not need to make a final decision until you deliver.

Answer 4

apply for student aid

fafsa

google it cause i dont know if it ends in .com or .org or .gov

Answer 5

Adoption is a long term fix to a short term problem.

I know way too many first-mums that have regretted the decision to relinquish their children - and I know way too many adoptees that wish they had grown with their biological families.

Read, read, read - adoptee and first mum blogs.

Look in your heart.

Answer 6

You really need to do your soul searching in this.  Honestly, the guy won't always stick around, no matter what he says or does now. and you'd be left alone, with his child and no emotional support. I had all kinds of promises from family and friends and him. No one kept their promises. They were all empty promises.

You always have the future. YOUR future, your babyies' futures.

I had my first at 17, during senoir year. I did graduate because I'm too stubborn to become a statistic. I moved in with the father at 18 and was pregnant again by 19. I saw his true colors by then and it was not good. He wasn't a good father or partner. So I decidedto give the second baby up for open adoption. Left him, and moved back in with my parents.

Honestly, there is alot of financial responsibility in raising twins. You won't be able to do it alone, so make sure that you have strong family ties, and that your support group is solid as a rock.

My life is ok. my kids are beautiful and smart. I see my daughter twice a year. I didn't get to go to college on the scholarships. But I'm ok with that. My job sucks because I have little training. I work mostly nights and I see the boys for an hour a day during their scholyear.

Open adoption was a good choice and it worked.

Answer 7

I have some advice, dedicate the next few years entirely to your children and do what it takes to make it through them financially and emotionally, and then go to school and finish your education. Thats what I'm doing, and it was worth it because now I get to wake up to my children everyday, and theres nothing greater than seeing them every morning first thing! Knowing that you've done it all for them, IS the most rewarding dream and accomplishment you could ever have.

You can do it!

and if you were MY daughter, although i'm to young to be your mother, I'd take you home and tell you it would be okay and that I would watch your baby for you while you finished school.

Answer 8

I am went through the same thing.

I had the adoptive family picked out but once i saw my baby boy i couldnt do it.

The babys father and I are only 17 also but we're doing great!

We are lucky because our families are financially able to support us and the baby.

Its your decision, if you want to raise your babies, everything will work out.  Im still going to go to college.  Nothing has changed in that sense except i have a wonderful beautiful baby boy.  

If you keep them its such an amazing feeling being a mommy= )

Good Luck!!

&& do what your heart is telling you = )

Answer 9

We have something in common! I am the mother of boy/girl twins just like you! While fertility inspired twins are getting common, the kind we have are called "spontaneous".  They really are a gift, and quite special.  I think only 1 in 90 pregnancies are like ours.

I am also adopted.  Growing up I missed my family so much, I longed for my mother every day.  I found her in my 20s, (and I'm 43) but some of that pain never goes away.

You and your babies have a wonderful life ahead if you.  Just as JoyM said, you can go to school with children.  There are so many resources to help you.  Everything will fall into place.

Social workers and adoptive parents just want to get their grubby hands on these gorgeous creatures growing in your body.  They belong to YOU.

Maybe your boyfriend will come around, maybe he won't.  In the long run EVERYTHING will work out.  Keeping your babies is the natural thing.  Good luck to you!

Answer 10

Are you putting your needs above your childrens, or putting your childrens needs first?  Thas all you have to answer, truthfully to yourself.

Answer 11

I'm an adoptee and although I love my adoptive mother, I am now in the process of trying to find my natural mother.  Its so hard!  They make it next to impossible and I'm not given the same rights as a normal person when it comes to looking at my own records.

Also make sure you read some books.  There is a lot of information out there about the effects of adoption on a baby.  Please make sure you make an educated decision and don't let anyone else do it for you.  Don't let them pressure you into doing what they think is right, its always in the best interest of the child to stay with the biological mother.

Answer 12

Have you tried talking to a guidance counselor or someone who might be able to assist you with additional resources?  You mention wanting to go to college but are concerned about finances.  Perhaps they can provide you additional assistance by pointing you in the right direction for resources.

Adoption is always a loving option.  There are many parents out there who cannot have children biologically and adoption is the only way that they can have a family.  If you are considering that option, please contact an adoption agency for additional information and counseling.

Good luck to you.

Answer 13

GIVE EM TO YA PARENTS

Answer 14

It's a difficult situation for sure.  Only you know if there is NOTHING that would stop you from parenting your children well.  And if you have the skills, time, resources, energy and commitment to do so.

Let what you think is best for your children guide you.  If you keep your children's best interest first, and yours second, you will do the right thing.

If you were my daughter, I would take you to get pregnancy counseling first.  Then go to an adoption agency to hear about adoption and parenting.  Then perhaps volunteer a couple of weeks at a day care or church nursery, for starters.  Then a couple of days at a pre school.  Then, put the figures to paper -- listing the realistic costs of parenting, and figure out how you could do it without help.  After all this, you will be able to make a much better decision, no matter what.

The best of luck to you.

Answer 15

Hello Miss Sunshine,

Well, to start out, my biological parents put me up for adoption when they were 17 years old and seniors in high school.  They were in the same situation you were in and they knew they wouldn't be able to afford having a baby.  

No one can tell you what you should to, since you are the birth mom and know more about what the situation is/would be like than any of us.  It is a tough decision, but my biggest advice is if you do put your twins up for adoption, try to stay in their life.  My biological parents weren't in my life up until last year (and I'm 19 years old) and it was pretty tough for me growing up.

The best advice would be to talk to your parents, your boyfriend, and his parents.  Sit down with each other and figure out what the best thing would be for these children.  I wish you the best of luck with everything!  

If you'd like to hear anything more about my story, feel free to email me anytime!

Answer 16

I'm not going to go on with myself about morals blah blah blah.

My opinion is think long and hard about it it is YOU having the children.  If you boyfriend is 1000% behind you then go with your gut feeling, you need to at least give it a try if it does not work you then can think about it because once you have made your mind up to give the kiddies away that is it/

Everyone says they cannot afford it, you find it.  I was pregnant at 17 and went back to college at 29 and got my exams then, which do you want parenthood or a career, if you want both you are young enough to bring up and love your children and also young enough to go back to college and gain a career, then like me in my forties you can have your fun, holidays etc because your kiddies will be all grown up.  GOOD LUCK on what ever you decide and remember think of YOU!!! do not let anyone make you feel guilty you are doing what you feel is right.

Answer 17

A lot of good anwers! If you're looking for parenting resources in your area, please e-mail me and I will give you as many links as a I know of to national and local resources that can help you!!!

[e-mail]

Answer 18

You seem to really WANT to raise your children.  If that is the case, then you need to talk to a counselor BEFORE putting the babies up for adoption.  You don't want to do something that (it sounds like) you may regret later on.  There is the possibility of regret with any adoption plan.  However, you are already expressing a desire to keep and raise the children.

Answer 19

What do you and your boyfriend think your children need?

Can you provide this?

What if your relationship doesn't work out?

(This happens even with the best of guys)

How does he feel?

Do you have family to help?

Does he?

I've been through this myself, and was homeless and pregnant at one point. I am now raising all my children and have them enrolled in a private school and have my own business. It was soooo hard!

If you ever need to talk though, email me.

Answer 20

Remember that you are still young and can have more children.  Giving the twins up for adoption would allow you to finish your schooling and what you need to do as well as knowing that your kids will be in a good home with a family that maybe cannot have children.  Good Luck to you

Answer 21

Just a little history on me... My mom was adopted, pregnant with me at 17 also (she kept me); my fiance and his brother were also both adopted. My mom struggled alot when she was young because she has me then three years later my brother and in another 3 years my sister. We always got by but it wasnt easy. I watched her attempt college about 3 times, before she finally got her LVN (after i graduated high school and she remarried a great guy). If your family and bf and his family are willing to help support you, then you will most likely be able to do it. My mother had no help from her parents and a dead beat husband until I was 8. However, my bf's adopted parents are great, they love both of their children and have provided for them well. they do not have a problem with either of their adopted sons contacting and starting a relationship with their birth parents; however neither want to. really... this is your experience... it canbe good or bad... do not let anyone tell you that one chioce is easier than the other because it really isnt. make sure you do what is in your heart because you need to feel comfortable and happy with your decision. i hope i helped. in the end, you will have to live with the decision you make. best luck with your pregnancy and deciding what to do. Both are very commendable.

Answer 22

What are your boyfriends views on this(I am assuming that he is the father)? Does he feel the same way?  Is it only the financial worries that make you want to give them up? How does your family feel about this? Are they willing to help or do they expect you to get your own apartment and move out? There are a lot of things to factor in. If your(or his) family are willing to help you guys out than that is a plus for the keeping side. As for college you could always go to community college and just take a few courses at a time. It would take you longer but you could still do it. From what you said it sounds like the worries about money are the main thing that makes you think you should give them up. If you did give them up for adoption do you think you would be able to live with that. I don't want you to think I am judging you because I totally am not. I think that if you are willing to do the work and give up a lot of things than you can totally do this and raise your twins yourself. On the other hand you are in a position to bless a family that has been waiting for a child to adopt. Well I mean two families because I don't know if they would necessarily keep them together. I hope my answer actually helped and that I didn't just confuse you even more. Good Luck on your decision and God Bless!

Answer 23

Sweetheart, don't put ur kids up for adoption. You can still work when you are out of high school and once they get big enough you can go to college. Think about it like this. If your parents or lets say ur mother had put on adoption because of the same reason that your are in, how would you feel and what would you do? What would your life be like today? Besides what if when you really want children and let's say you can't have anymore what would be the outcome? Won't you be sorry that you gave ur two beautiful kids away? You are very lucky that you are actually gonna have twins. Do you know how many people are anxious to have kids? Your children needs comes first and then yours. I understand you are young and want a better future but won't you be happy when your children get older? You can apply for financial aid and your bf can help you out but don't put ur kids on adoption.

Anyways that was my opinion. I am only 18 and if I was you I wouldn't put my kids on adoption. I would do what I told you to do. Yet the decisions are yours to be made hope you make a wise one. Remember it's the life and future of two innocent angels.

Good Luck:)

Answer 24

You should do what is best for your children which is to adopt them out to a loving, married, financially stable couple so your children can have all the chances to succeed.

Answer 25

It is a very difficult decision to make, and to do so, I would look at the long term.

A) how likely is it you and your boyfriend will get married and stay married?  Unlikely, but possible.  Only you and your friends and family can guage this somewhat accurately about whether or not you have a chance.

B)  Have you investigated the student loans and scholarships available to you and your boyfriend to see if you could make it through college while still supporting two children.  

C)  Have you talked to an adoption agency considering your options and perhaps look at some of the families they have on file looking for children?  You never know, you may just seen a profile and decide right then and there those are the parents for your children... mothers instinct :-D!

You won't regret keeping them, nor will the parents you adopt them to regret adopting them.  What you have to decide is what is best for the children, so take your time.  You sound mature enough to be able to figure out whether your dreams and theirs are going to be too different to pursue together.

Answer 26

shame on youuu...:P