Adopted daughter feels a piece missing at age 9 ( adoption )?

Question

I found it funny that my 9 year old daughter always knew that something wasn't right, but couldn't really pinpoint what it was. She is my birth-daughter, but her father, whom she always knew as being her father did not accept him.

I finally told her the truth since she felt there was a missing link there. It didn't have anything to do with looks, there was just something there that she sensed.

Anyone else have that experience?

Answer 1

Im not sure I understand the situation?... she is your daughter...you gave birth to her... ok

but her father...(meaning her adopted father?) did not accept whom?

you wrote that her father, whom she always knew as being her father did not accept him.  I dont understand.

If it is about her knowing that her step father is not her real dad... then help her find out as much as she can about her real dad...help her find him or at least relate to him... its about finding out who SHE is.

I hope that is what you were trying to ask and that I didnt totally go off base.

Answer 2

oh yeah i am 21 and i felt insecure at that age i was adopted and i knew it all along and my adopted parents told me from the get go but it will ware off in time and she will learn that it is ok. she might feel alone so tell her that many people are adopted and that she is not the only one and that will make her feel better.

Answer 3

Blood is thicker  than water -- is the saying  and if its not there its not  there! being the Aunt  of  two adopted children --I can  feel  for her since I know  what  my niece / nephew  adopted went through.. They were always told they were adopted, but  didn't  comprehend what that word meant until older. The niece  hung on to  everyone  for attention  she felt like she never got. Nephew  became  insolent  when he reached  puberty. There is something missing  in these childrens  lives --no matter how hard  you try to  show Love  to them --they will always feel a missing  link.. Niece  finally grew up and  searched for her biological Mother---found her- and  it was dis-aster.. wished  she had never  known  this person was  even re-lated  to her. almost ruined her life when  she found  out.  Some  things are better  left alone as in the real  parents of adopted  children--Always remember there was a reason they  gave them up  in the beginning  and I doubt  they are  any better  now than when they  gave them up .

Answer 4

My oldest girl went through the same thing...she told me she always knew that at one point in her infancy she remembered it being just her and me. Now don't ask me how children remember these things sometimes, they just have that ability. Any way she always felt that piece of her was missing as well. She didn't meet any of her fathers side of the family or him for that matter , until she was 18...Just give her the best sense of herself and let her know that no matter what happens in the future, if and when she gets to know her father and his family , it won't change who she is or how special all children are. Never let her feel that she was not wanted or important! Just the fact that your concerned shows that your a loving and nurturing person..

Answer 5

I am 19 years old, and I was raised by my biological mother, and an adoptive father. I was never lied to about being adopted, I always knew I was. But whenever I would bring it up or try to ask my mom about it, she became very irritated and would not tell me much. I know how your daughter feels, even at nine, I can remember thinking about my birth father daily and having all kinds of questions with no one to talk about them with. And this did lead(rightly or wrongly) to some bad feelings toward my non-biological father, even at the young age of nine. My advise to you: don't lie to your child. Keep the communication lines open, and make her feel comfortable talking about it to both you and your husband.

It does feel like there is a missing link sometimes. Even today, I don't think I have really bonded with my adoptive dad. I realize that that is not everyone's experience with adoption.

Answer 6

Wish I could answer you, but your question is all over the place.

Answer 7

Okay you have taken the first step... I have this two different ways in my family..My husbands daughters whom her mother kept the information that she was pregnant from him and moved then got married and had her husband adopt her. They finally found out the truth by accident and then tracked my husband down. They are very close and share a relationship now ( much to their mothers dismay) and they have found the piece that was missing. The other case is my daughter...I found out my first husband was cheating on me and divorced him a month later I found out I was pregant..my current husband was my best friend growing up and when I found out I was pregnant he was there for me every step of the way and I fell in love with him. My daughter was born and she has been raised by the 2 of us. I never lied to her about her biological father and have even tried to foster a relationship between them ( he wasn't interested until she got older and he got involved with his current wife) however having the knowledge she did allowed her to make her own decisions about both men. She calls my husband Daddy and loves him more than anything. She is having a really rough time with him being in Iraq but she still has a relationship with her biological father. She has made her own decision to limit the amount of time she spends with him because as she tells me her daddy is in Iraq...I guess in my case we have been on opposite ends of the spectrum however the saying blood is thicker than water doesn't always hold true..The one I noticed is that it takes more than sperm to make a daddy. Let your daughter know everything and figure out why she has never gelled with you hubby, but the best advice I can give you is let her meet her biological father and make her own decision and you might be pleasantly surprised.

Answer 8

Kids know these things... you should be glad she mentioned something because she would have hated you if you didn't tell her until she was older.