Adopted peoples?

Question

Sorry If this is insensitive of me... But i'm kind of stuck in a weird situation.

I'm seventeen and perhaps, almost definately pregnant... I'm also against abortion.

Would you rather that your parents had raised you even if they weren't in the best financial or emotional situation

Or are you happy that you didn't have to go through that and grateful you are with a well off, loving family?

thank you so, so much to any answerers with help and advice in advance x

Answer 1

Research shows that nearly half the children of single mothers live in poverty (four times the rate for children with married parents), and their rates of substance abuse, male incarceration, and teen pregnancy are two to three times greater.

Unmarried, cohabiting mothers do not fare much better. They are twice as likely to break up within five years compared with married mothers, and their children have more than twice the poverty rate, poorer school and behavioral outcomes, and dramatically higher exposure to abuse than children with married parents.

This probably follows from young women's frequently disconnected entry into parenthood. Low-income single mothers portrayed in Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas's groundbreaking book, Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage describe many of their pregnancies as neither intended nor prevented. Motherhood is a natural part of their early 20s, a focal point that will bring love and purpose to their lives.

But because they often see the men fathering their children as unfit or even dangerous, they reserve marriage as a lofty goal for later life. Many enter motherhood with high aspirations for their children and a belief that their love will overcome all serious obstacles, but soon replace such hopes with a quest for basic survival, accepting that their children may follow the same paths into single parenthood, drugs, and incarceration, and redefining success to mean loving their children no matter what.

I have given you the facts and despite what you have been told poverty is not usually a temporary situation. Only you know what type of support situation you have. That is your best indicator of what decision you have to make.

Answer 2

Growing up with an unstable mother was what my brother and I went through. We had a loving aunt who could not have children and wanted to adopt us. But our mother said no even though our father wanted his sister to have us. Our mother was not well mentally, she was very abusive and could not controll her temper. I think my brother and I would have been better off if we had been adopted by almost anyone.

Answer 3

Lulu, honey,

you need to go to a counselor to discuss this and decide what is best for you.  

Each of us has our own story.  

I'd have preferred an open adoption, so I wouldn't lose my siblings, but my mom was an adult, wage earner and she couldn't earn enough to feed the four of us.  I don't know why she wasn't on welfare, but she wasn't.  

Find a psychologist who's been a school or family counselor.  Talk to your parents to learn their feelings in the matter.  Discuss their feelings with your counselor, as well as your own feelings.  Review your options as to what services are available if you keep the baby, or what effect it will have on your emotions, your ability to get a job to support you and the baby, and all the other factors you need to evaluate.  

Then make your own decision, and I hope your parents support you.  God bless and watch over you.

cw

Answer 4

I would say raise your baby...things might be hard know but they will get better over time

Answer 5

Adoption isn't all rainbows and sunshine.

Learn the facts.

Know your rights.

If you can - you should parent - that's what is best for you and your baby.

Don't sign anything unless you're 100% sure.

Please make sure you read this -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

I had a great adoptive family - but my a-father died just before I turned one. I was essentially raised in a single parent home.

My a-family also would never let me talk about my adoption - or about where I came from.

I've now found my first family - and I missed out on so very much.

I didn't get to grow up around the people that looked like me - acted like me - had talents like me.

I always felt wrong.

To give up a child to adoption - you essentially have to talk yourself into thinking that you are no good as this child's mother.

You ARE the best mother for this child.

You just have to learn that - and know that it your heart.

Adoption is a permanent solution to an often short term problem. (you won't be young forever)

I wish you and your babe all the best.

Answer 6

I'm an adoptee who grew up with a wonderful adoptive family and I love them dearly

But I should have been with my mother - I would rather have lived in my own country surrounded by family who mirrored me genetically than whisked away to another country with material comforts and privileges.

That's just me though.  Material things are so important to some people; just not me.  I just wanted my mother but instead grew up feeling like I never quite fit in.

Answer 7

I would have gladly been poor and raised by my natural mother, but instead, I was adopted and suffered for the rest of my life because of it. Being adopted hurts. Children want their mother to love them, protect them and keep them - not give them away.

Answer 8

raised by my real my mom!!!!! i would feel more closer

Answer 9

i needed my MOTHER, not money!  please, please, please, keep your baby.

Answer 10

I grew up with a single mother and i didn't have everything, but i couldn't be happier i love my mother. I had characteristics as a child that were very similar to the way my mother behaved, so she understood me and what was going on. Someone else wouldn't have known. They also wouldn't have been able to explain my curly hair light skin and eye color ... i have a birthmark on my thigh and it is actually has a story behind it ... they wouldn't have known.

Answer 11

I'm one of the lucky ones.  I think I was better off being adopted than kept, because of the things my mom went through after she gave me up.  She had an abusive(verbally, emotionally, and physically) spouse, who wasn't my father, and certainly would have resented me.  That marrige didn't last long, but she's pretty certain I wouldn't have survived it.

When it comes right down to it, this is a choice YOU have to make, with the child's father.  Tell your parents, and his.  Get good advice.  

DON'T SIGN ANYTHING until you've held your child in your arms for a day or more... preferably a couple of weeks!

You can't properly say goodbye to someone you haven't gotten to say hello to.

Just because adoption is sometimes the right choice, doesn't mean it's ALWAYS the right choice.

I hope you have good support through this tough time.

Answer 12

I was given up for adoption at six weeks old, and I am truly grateful to my birth mother, for making what must have been an incredibly tough and emotional decision (I know she held off on signing the adoption papers for six weeks - which is why I wasn't given to my adoptive parents sooner).

I have had a wonderful upbringing, with a loving family, and though I have not yet tried to find my birth mother, I am tempted to do so - just to let her know that all turned out great, she's actually a grandmother now.. and I am so grateful to her.  I don't need a 'mum', but I can't imagine what it must be like to give up a child.. and would like to give her closure, if she is still wondering what happened to her baby...

Answer 13

This is a decision only you can make. As for myself I am glad that I was adopted, as are many others. Don't let anyone tell you that it is wrong to put a child up for adoption, because it is a very selfless act. you have to decide if you are able to take on the huge responsibility of raising a child. If you don't feel that you are ready then you must decide if adoption is the right thing or not. I myself am glad I didn't have to be raised by a drunken father and a mother that was so overwhelmed she couldn't make it. Just do yourself a favor and talk to a counselor and to your family. Let them help you decide what is best for you and the child. Don't let people on here that don't know what your life is like influence you. This is a very private decision that really only you can make.

Answer 14

It is a very selfless thing to do to love a child so much that you rather hand it to someone who could offer it a better life!

Answer 15

you could also find a family who wants to adopt but ask if they will allow an open addoption (an addoption where they let you know how the baby is and send pics and stuff) and if your not possitive that your going to give the baby up for addoption tell them that

Answer 16

I love my adoptive family.  

But I would rather have been raised by my mom.  She wasn't wealthy.  And it would have been hard.  But I would have been with her.  And that's important to me.  (And to most infants.)

Answer 17

I gave up a baby along time ago and when I recently contacted her, she thanked me for allowing her to have such a beautiful life. (something which I didn't have to give her at that time.)

My husband is adopted and is glad, since he had a beautiful upbringing.

We adopted a child 5 years ago, from another country and I know we are providing a better life for him then he would have had.

Answer 18

Hi Lulu~

My daughter was born 6 weeks after my 17th birthday.  So believe me, I know the "weird situation" you are living. I've been there!

I, of course, wasn't in the best financial situation for a couple of years.  As a HS grad, I worked 2 jobs & still couldn't make enough to get off of welfare. So, I enrolled in community college (worked part time throughout school), got an associates degree, a good job & was on my way.  Yes, it was a struggle for a couple of years.  I didn't have any support from my family - emotional or financial.  

I once read, "Being broke is a (temporary) situation. Being poor is a state of mind."  I was financially independent as soon as I finished college. I even bought a nice home in a good neighborhood as a single parent with 2 kids.  

My daughter is now a wife & the mother of two beautiful children.  She also has her own business.  I'm so very proud of her and grateful that I didn't give in to the pressure placed on me to relinquish her for adoption b/c she might have parents who were financially better off.  I BRIEFLY considered adoption only b/c I feared that I might not be a good mother.

Yes, she could have had parents that were financially better off. But would they have loved her like I did? As an adoptee myself, I already knew that adoption is no guarantee for a happy life.  Adoptees the same chance of ending up in a single parent (divorced) home, or with abusive or alcoholic parents as non-adoptees. I grew up with alcoholic parents who were both verbally & physically abusive.  

My parents were better off financially than my first mom, who didn't willingly relinquish me. I was taken from her & placed in a foster home (later adopted) b/c she was a poor, working mom. No abuse. No drugs or alcohol. (I know from court records.)

I learned when I met my mother that she loved me & had hoped for a daughter during her pregnancy. My adopted mom reluctantly agreed to my adoption to please my dad (whom I adored).  I think I would have rather lived a life with my first mom who loved & wanted me, than grown up feeling "unwanted".  I didn't want my daughter growing up feeling that.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

For the person who wrote about 'research & statistics', I'd like to see links or a reference to the information she's including. And I wonder how OLD the alleged research is.  

Education is the best hedge against poverty. You'll be able to support yourself & your child! It may not be easy - finishing school, working, caring for your child.  But it CAN be done. And it is so rewarding!!  Lots of people will tell you "you can't"  People told me that. Heck, my welfare case mgr tried to convice me I couldn't afford college. The way I saw it, I couldn't afford NOT to go.  

So take that "can't be done" as a challenge & prove them wrong!  You CAN parent your child - lovingly & well.  You won't be "broke" for ever.  

One last suggestion: in the months ahead, go to your library & check out the book, "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler.  You'll get a clear picture from many women who relinquished how loosing a child to adoption affected them in the years and decades of their lives.

http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Who-Went-Awa...

Good luck & God bless...

Answer 19

I love my adoptive parents and I know that if I had stayed with my bio family, they wouldn't have stayed together and that could have been difficult. But at least that way people would know things were difficult and wouldn't expect me to be grateful and happy because my bio parents didn't want me.

My adoptive parents had money, they were older & wiser, blah blah blah. The ideal adoptive parents. And they have been (& still are) great parents and I do love them BUT I lost so much when I was adopted and that loss is rarely (if ever) acknowledged by anyone.

To make a long & rambling answer short: I'd rather have stayed with my bio family even if they weren't in the "perfect" financial or emotional situation.

Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You never get your baby back, not even if you reunite with them when they're older. I've reunited with both of my bio parents, but they're not my parents anymore. They're strangers and I hate that they are strangers, rather than the parents they could have been.

I don't know what the right decision is for you and your baby, but I hope whatever you decide works out well for you both. Best of luck x

Answer 20

to be given up and given a good life.

Answer 21

the first  awnser

Answer 22

I am not an adoptee but an adoptive mother.

I think it is best for all children to stay with their natural mother if at all possible. You don't have to be rich to raise a child. I understand that you have to be able to provide the necessities such as food, clothing, shelter, etc. but nothing is greater nor more important than a mother's love.

Plus who is to say if you choose well off people to parent your child that they will never face financial hardships. People loose their jobs, get into debt, file bankrupt-adoptive parents as well as natural parents can find themselves down on their luck.

As for the emotional part it is important for children to be raised by emotionally sound parents. But again we all face times in our lives where we are not at our best. As long as you can separate your own problems from how you treat the child you can still be a good parent.

Answer 23

If you where my daughter I will not watch the baby while you go out.....If you are going to get pregnant you can deal with taken care of the baby. Which means no more going out....alll your money is going to the needs of the baby. I will help you with the baby. Of course i would love it, but you can deal with all the child's needs. I doubt you would get pregnant again. Just because you went and opened your legs I have to take care of baby and it wasn't even my choice. I'm sorry I don't think so

Answer 24

giving your child up to a loving family is the best thing you ca do for it, and is a sweet selfless act. I'm adopted and even though I haven't met my birthmom yet I thank her and God everyday for putting me in sucha wonderful loving family. If you don't think your in a state to be parent yet consider giving someone who isn't able to have a child a chance

Answer 25

You can do it! You know what the right thing is and you're already going for it! God Bless!

Answer 26

If I was you , I would never give the baby up for adoption. No Way!!

Even if I was financially low. I mean if I did give the baby up for adoption, I would live the rest of my life somehow guilty. I'd know my baby is out there, and at times I would do anything to see him.!!

Look at the Africains. They have nothing at all.!! But they still take care of there babies.

Please don't give him up for adoption! I know 1 day you will regret it.

Your own flesh and blood, don't you want him near you at all times?

I know your young, and don't have anything to offer the baby but you just keep praying and have hope.!!

The baby will thank you 1 day for not giving him up for adoption.