Adopted?!?!?!?!?

Question

My parents just told me I was adopted. I didnt know why they decided to tell me when i was 12! They should have told me when i was 8 or something. They said i was from Hawaii. I am really mad and want to find my real parents. Does anyone know any websites where i could find my real parents? Please Please help!

Answer 1

be happy with them they're the one who raise you

Answer 2

wow. i cannot even try to understand what you are going through right now. im so sorry . speak to your parents about this and dont rush into finding them. remember your parents have brought u up for 12 years, they are your parents. dont hate them, there will be so much background information if u was to try to find your real birth mother, and will cause u alot more stress and heartache , wish u all the best x*x sawyer x*x

Answer 3

most people just have babies no decision but these people chose YOU  you should feel special.

Answer 4

i know that if u type in google or yahoo u can find stalker websites. but they cost money and u need credit card info.  just trick ur fake rents and get the info. also, i know a person who's rents didn't tell her until she was 21. it really hurt her and she almost commited suicide. goodluck finding ur real rents. tell me if u do!!!

Answer 5

aw baby its okay.

they love you just as much as your real parents and are probably a lot more responsible,heck,your  real parents,bet you anything,are divorced.

stick with your real parents till you turn 18, now that they think you might find your real parents they are dying for  you to stay with them and will spoil you rotten! trust me,i went through the same thing.if they dont give you something say 'i bet my real mom would buy it' it always works!!! good lucky baby girl

Answer 6

Sweetheart don't be mad at them they waited til you were old enough to understand everything and you should feel blessed to have been adopted! I mean what if your real parents weren't good people and were not capable of taking good care of you? Be glad that you have grown up with parents who love you very much and give you everything you need rather then having to fend for yourself and maybe not even have food everyday. I'm sure it was for the best. I wouldn't try to find them you may be dissapointed but if that is what it takes to appreciate what you have then by all means go for it. I'm sur if anyone knows a way to find them it is the people you live with now. They may have their names and can help you find them but you need to love and respect the ones who took care of you since birth and raised you! Good luck sweety, please love the ones who have loved you all these years! ♥♥♥

Answer 7

o dats sad. well where were u born? hawaii? call de hospital and see if dey no where ur rl parents liv. its a start.

Answer 8

I am an adoptee and I assure you, it will be ok.  Your parents are your REAL parents -- they love you, raise you, care for you and have and will continue to make sacrifices for you.  They will take pride in your accomplishments and shed tears with your pain.

Take comfort in knowing that they love you and one day, when you're a parent, you'll understand where they're coming from.

Do not worry about finding your biological donors at this time.  Obviously, their lives were not in such order that they could raise you due to financial, mental, physical or some other restraint.  They love you and made the most loving yet painful sacrifice to ensure that you would have a stable loving family that could give you the wonderful life that they've hoped you would have.

sit back, take a breath and enjoy your teenage years.

Answer 9

ohh, well try yahoo.com and search up people, b/c lot of sites that offer that, you gotta pay like about $10 a month...

Answer 10

I suppose you could just talk to your adoptive parents about this, it's normal and they will understand. However usually adoptive agencies do not require that a name is given to the adoptive parents of the child's real parents. Don't be mad at them, if they hadn't adopted you, you'd probably still be waiting to get adopted while living in a rundown orphanage...

Answer 11

Hello--

Wow, major shock I'm sure. Don't worry. It's fine, and being adopted totally rocks.

My first advice would be to slow down. This is hard to accept, but you need to know that it is a lot to take in. I thin that you should let it fully get into your mind before you start searching for your birth parents.

Also, now that you have joined the ranks of the adopted, you should know that the parents that put you up for adoption are referred to as "birth parents". This is done because we as a group largely believe more in the power of love, who raised you--not the original people. They loved you just as much, but your true parents are often the ones who took care of you as you grew older.

Once you feel you are ready, talk to your parents before you search for you birth parents. They chose to adopt you and love you, and it must be that you love them too, or else you wouldn't be so upset. Talk to them--they probably have a lot of good advice to help you through this, once you are ready to hear it.

Good luck, darling, and know that you aren't alone--others before have been told about adoption late in life, but more importantly know that you belong to a very special group of people, who are loved by two sets of parents. If you have any more further questions, just post them here.

Answer 12

they waited until you were old enough to understand.  Your parents love you.  Please talk to your parents if you want to search for your biological parents one day. As an adoptee myself, I found my biological parents when I turned 18.  I wish I didn't and so glad that I was adopted!

Answer 13

Firstly, to be told you are special, a gift and that you should be grateful for your adoptive parents love is meaningless when you find out this sort of thing. It may be true, but it is insulting.

You need to take a break, sleep on it, expell any anger you have by punching a pillow or ranting in your diary. This will release any tension you might bring out on your adoptive parents.

Then, calmy sit down with your adoptive parents and tell them that you would like to find out about your birth family. Try not to bring up the fact that they told you so late, there is nothing you can do about that now, you cannot reverse time and it will just make your parents defensive.

Tell them that this is very difficult for you to comprehend and you are going through a lot of emotional turmoil and need their support.

Ask them if they know the names of your birth parents and any information about why you were given up for adoption. If they don't want to share the information or simply don't know it, then you will have to do some hunting on your own. This could take months or years and you have to be a certain age to be able to access any sealed records.

Your adoptive family love you, but perhaps could have handled your situation a little better. I guess they were just trying to do the best for you. But of course how do they know if you cannot speak your mind as a baby or young child.

Good Luck in your searches

Answer 14

Well, I think they were just waiting until you were old enough to understand. Don't be mad at them, they raised you and took care of you when your real parents were unable to. You might not be too happy, but maybe your parents were too young or you got taken away from them when you were a baby. There's alot of those cases in Hawaii where there are drug babies that get taken away by CPS and found new homes. The best thing to do is find out your biological parents last name (and first name if possible) and look it up in the yahoo white pages. You may have to get your parents to help pay for the fee, but it's the only thing I can think of other than go to the adoption agency and have them help you. Some biological parents don't want their children to find them and request the agency not provide the names of your biological parents so you don't look them up later. But I hope you can find them. I'm in Hawaii so if there's anything I can do please let me know!

Answer 15

I'm so sorry this was kept from you, you must feel betrayed.  Wanting to know your origins has no reflection on your love for your parents, you have every right to know the whole story of your birth - follow your heart and don't let anyone guilt trip you for wanting to know

If you need to talk there is support for you

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

There is a teen support board here:

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Answer 16

Hawaii this page found at http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?...

Obtaining Non-Identifying Information: Adoptive parents and adopted adults may receive ethnic and medical history.

Obtaining Identifying Information: For adoptions finalized before January 1, 1991, adopted adults or adoptive parents must petition the court for information. The court will send a notice to the last known address of the first parents. If no response is received, the adopted adult can access his or her information. For adoptions finalized after December 31, 1990, the adopted adult or adoptive parents can receive information if there is no affidavit on file requesting confidentiality.

( In simpler terms, they’ve enacted a contact veto on your file if your adoption was finalized in Hawaii. What this means, is that if your first parent, the one who you’re searching for most likely,feels like it, they can have your records sealed at their own discretion. Giving another human being power over your connection to your ancestry, access to YOUR birth records is not only a violation of the convention of child rights per the United Nation, but also a violation of your civil rights!! Contact Vetos are a violation to the adoptee and this is something that we firmly believe against here at Adoptee Rights. )

Using the Adoption Registry: Adopted adults and parents who’ve surrendered may register. ( A fee is involved )

Contact:

Family Court Registry

Court Management Services

777 Punchbowl Street

Honolulu, HI 96811

Obtaining an Original Birth Certificate: An adoptee must petition the court in which the adoption was finalized. Which we have discussed above already

Misc. useful links:

Hanai Adoption Relationships - useful information.

ISRR( http://www.isrr.net ) - The International Soundex Reunion Registry. A MUST!!!

Answer 17

Maybe they thought you wouldn't understand at the age of 8. let them know that you are hurt and mad...let them help you find your parents. do you want your parents in your life or do you just wanna know who they are?

Answer 18

Dogpile worked when i was told i was adopted! but i was so so so mad! when they told me!

Answer 19

I am so sorry you are mad...but you have to remember your real parents are the ones that raised you, not your birth parents. Your parents chose you, they wanted you and I'm sure they love you with all their heart and would do anything for you. I do not believe there is a "perfect" age to tell anyone that they are adopted. I have a five year old and I told him he was adopted when he was four and I know he does not fully understand at this age, but he does understand somewhat because he was very mad for about a day or so. Now he is fine & we talk about it when he wants to. Give it some time and don't get your hopes up when you do finally meet your birth parents.

Answer 20

I can understand why you could be a little upset that you did not find out about being adopted until now-  I am adopted and my parents told me when I was so young, I probably did not understand what the read met at first- and we have 2 adopted children- and they knew immediately too-    I have a thought though- do not have your adopted parents for this- they only thought it was in your best interest to wait.  About finding your birth family- can I make a suggestion?   First of all,   the real parents are the ones that adopted you- and if you search for your birth family , now,  there could be hard feelings with the ones that raised you.  Don't think that I am saying, never search- I am not- your parents may even  help you- my son in 19 years old, and he is actually visiting his birth family right now.  As for a website- google and there are many.

Answer 21

no i dont no any websites but you need to talk to them andsee the birth certifacites you can get copys by mail