Adoptee Stories?

Question

Adoptees-I need to hear your stories. I want to figure out whether adoption is good or bad. People who adopted kids, people who have never experienced adoption, people who have only seen an adopted kid, etc. please don't reply. Just adoptees and birthparents.

Answer 1

my very very best friend is adopted and she wishes she was aborted....she has a great life but the fact of not knowing her real family or anythign "blood related" to her tortures her. She has sever abandonment issuse and was adoped by a VERY loving family after being just 10 days old. SO thast her storie.

however her sister is adopted as well and wants to adopt herself even though she can carry b/c she thinks its so wonderful she was adopted fro costa rica at age 2.

it will depend on the child. Best wishes!!!

Answer 2

sweetheart i feel for you..you sound so much like i did as a kid..at 16 i wanted a baby and the reason was so i had a connection with someone in this world...so i could see my eyes or my hair...that i belonged by birth to someone..i used to cry myself to sleep at night...i wondered ..i knew i had sibs that werent adopted with me..i wondered if they were looking for me..i wondered why she gave me up...it does get easier..especially when you turn 18 and can start your search...the thing to remember is...when you find out who you are and where you came from..you may not like it..you have to be mentally prepared for that..and that hurt can be even greater than the hurt you have at this moment of not knowing..because you will have your answers and sometimes they arent pretty..which when i found my birth father ..my mother died when i was four which is why i was adopted...he told me all about her...and it still hurts..i found him and my sister and one of my brothers within two days of each other...it was a weird thing for me...i was running high on emotion..especially when we found her grave...i have my peace but it took me 18 years to find it from the time i started searching..and some of the answers i got werent pretty but they were honest...my kids now know who i am and who they are on my side...the thing is..i didnt have that baby at 16...i waited till i was 20 and married...so think about that as well...if you wanna email me you can...

edit:

omg i read phil's answer and i too have killed relationships with people..i always said i can walk away from anyone because i wont let them walk away from me and make me hurt..and i never realized it had to do with my adoption..that is amazing to me..and the weird thing is i still do that...i wont give someone the upper hand...my adopted mother said i had rad..reactive adjustment disorder this was probably about five years ago in one of the few times i have spoken to her in the last ten years..she said she would have helped me if she had understood what was wrong with me..i always thought i had mental issues as a kid...because i would sit and scream at the top of my lungs if she hit me..and i would do this for hours...anyway i went and looked radd up..and realized out of the four types..i was all of them in one way or another...i have realized this as i have gotten older...you have to work this out while you are young..or your entire life it is going to hang over your head

Answer 3

Adoption is neither good nor bad, only the people behind it.

When money motivates adoption its bad VERY Bad. When Love motivates adoption and that child IS unequivocally loved and treated as their own it is good. When Entitlement by the adopting parents does not enter into the equation Adoption is good.

I am a adoptee, My parents loved me as their two biological children, more in fact, my mother would have laid her life down for me to protect me, she even turned against her own biological son when he did something that in her eyes was wrong (and was wrong) His girlfriend said something horrible to me re adoption and he wouldnt  make her apologize so my mum cut contact with him and her for a year ! until he did

I have loads of stories that show how my mother adored and cherished me, unfortunately she is dead now and far to late to say sorry for all the awful things I did in my acting out behaviour as an adoptee and the hurt I caused her

Adoption SUCKS, I am the walking wounded on many many days...I wish that my parents had been my biological parents because they were the most wonderful parents , its just that adoption and all that goes with head and heart stuffing is the wrong process.

If a child is being abused or an orphan I think adoption is absolutely necessary.

If a mother is giving her baby up because of pressure, or she thinks she may not cope then I think adoption is wrong

I think that America is far to *adoption gung ho* and needs to re look VERY CLOSELY at supporting its single or young women who become pregnant.

I hope that helped

ETA Why on earth would possum and I get thumbs downs ?

How sad

Answer 4

I am an adult adoptee, my a-family was wonderful (was, because my dad passed 10 yrs ago, brother passed 1 1/2 yrs ago, he was adopted too)  my mom and I have had a rocky relationship, but I know she loves me, she just couldn't relate to my issues.

I have only been of Y/A for about a month now, but I have spent a great deal of time her in adoption.  From what I have learned, that most everyone who was adopted share the same emotions, I mean, it seems that adoption just really messes with your mind.

I was diagnosed with depression in my early twenties, I have been on every kind of ant-depressant you can think of, and it seemed that nothing ever really worked.  No matter what I did, I never felt "normal".  I have recently taken myself off meds, and found that a good supprt system works better.  The people here have inspired me.

It is so good to know that you are not alone in your struggles.  I was reunited with my birthmom when I was 19, and it was so therapeutic for me.  I finally felt that sense of completion.  Growing up, it was so hard, because my parents were great, but they just didn't get me.  Don't get me wrong, I still have issues, but by the grace of God, I still perservere!

Hang in there, and around here, you will start to feel better, i promise!

Answer 5

i was born to a teen mom that had so many family issues its sickening. she chose to give me up to protect me from their damnation.

i was raised by the real life ward and june. i swear. i was spoiled rotten and loved. still i could 'feel' my bmom. she never left me. i had issues growing up, i was completely different than my family, they were country and i was all rock and roll, so to speak. they honestly thought i was nuts.

i found my bmother almost 9 years ago-boy do i understand myself better. i am a carbon copy of her personality. we dont even have to finish our sentences to one another.

found bfather last october. thats when my face became something i can honestly say i love-now. he is a timid and private man. personalitywise-we have very little in common. but i can finally 'see' myself for the first time. that was huge for me.

you may come accross my bmom on here. her name is Lori A. say hi if you find her.

if you want more specific questions answered email me.

Answer 6

I am adopting my foster baby.  Her father relinquished after about 9 months because he realized that he couldn't raise her on his own and he wanted her to have a good stable life.  The mothers rights were terminated after a year because of the time limits.  I have respect for both of her parents and I will always send pictures and letters throughout her life.  My experience has been very stressful, but Good.  I will always let her know that she was loved by her birth parents as well as us.

Answer 7

Hiya Kitty Kat,

I'm an Aussie adoptee - adopted 2 wks after birth - was told I was adopted before I can remember - but was never allowed to talk about my first family or my adoption. (it upset my adoptive-mother)

I love my adoptive family very much - but always wanted to know my first family.

After 35 years - I finally sort the courage to search and find them. It's been one h**l of a roller-coaster ride. We're taking things very slow. But I have no regrets - I needed to know my truth.

My mother was forced to give me away - even though my father offered marriage - by her mother.

They married 6 months after my birth - and went on to have 3 more kids.

I missed not growing up around people that looked and acted like me - and for most of my life - just felt I didn't fit in anywhere.

I think that when adoptions do not need to happen - they're not a good thing.

To me - mother and child should stay together if at all possible.

If they can't stay together - and adoption is truly needed - I'm fully supportive of fully open records for adoptees, openness, no secrets, no lies - and being able to still have contact with the first family - as they will always be an important part of an adoptees life - it's very much a large part of who they are.

Here are blog links to many many other adoptees -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

(many more stories for you to read)

And here is the link to a really great adoptee online forum -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

(great supportive place)

There is no absolute good or bad in adoption - it's all different shades of grey.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 8

well no doubt some people who check out this site will have seen my story on here before but i will tell you about my personal experience...45 years ago i was adopted by a couple who couldn't have children of their own i know that they showed me and my brother who they adopted two years later no difference in their love than they would have if we had been their natural children the love they showed the both of us made it easier for me to become a relinquishing mother myself when,at the age of 14 i became pregnant and gave up my daughter because i knew that the people who adopted her would be able to give her much more than i could have i know it is hard for some people to agree that adoption is a good thing but i personally believe that it is and that anyone who adopts a child only does so in the belief that they want to help and love that child as much as they can it is just an shame that the few that it doesn't work out for seem more outspoken than the rest...i hope this helps you

Answer 9

I was 16. In a very disfunctional family. I was the youngest and only girl. I gave Rachael up to protect her from my family. Her father was committed to Vietnam and had no way of knowing if he would be coming home let alone be able to care for her. I spent years thinking we would meet again. I was laughed at and called crazy by my family for even thinking it. It was the most painful, unsetteling things I have ever done, but guess what!!! I have a great relationship with my daughter (who found me) and have been reunited with my dear old friend her father. We have worked out many issues for all three of us and it has been very healing and forgiving. Her father and I never forgave ourselves. It has been an emotional rollercoaster ride. It is difficult facing all the pain that has surrounded the three of us but we are getting through it and we are all happy to be reunited. Its like taking care of unfinished business.

Answer 10

My best friend is adopted. This is her story:

Her parents adopted her from Russia. It can be more than 22,000 dollars and you have to tell them about how you are not their real mom/dad (I don't know if you're a woman or a man).

But on the upside, you get a child that you can love and have someone to comfort you and you will be doing something good for the world and that child.

Answer 11

Adoption is good  of course but theres one problem in it that I hate which is sometimes money. And if there is money involved in adopting someone I think its selling instead of adopting. Just wanted to get that through. Heres my expierience.

My adoptive mom had prayed for another kid since her older son and daughter were grown up and she was alone for a few years.I was adopted at 1 month but my adoptive mom had been watching me since I was like a week old.(my mom took me the hole week and my adoptive parents only wanted me for an hour on saturday so they could look like good parents. My birth parents were not good to me and lived in a smelly apartment.They wrapped me up in a curtain drape instead of a blanket and ussually put my clothes on backwards. I know this because my adoptive mom has told me this. You may think maybe my real parents were not able to care for me but I think u are wrong if you say that because they would have told my adoptive mom if they really cared. They also already had another daughter who was jelouse of me because when I went to be adopted I was given better clothes and probably real love from someone who really cared about me. Recently I was accepted into a gifted program and now instead of being in middle school I'm in high school and have rencounterd my biological sister and have also discovered my real dad moved to florida without even telling. So i think adoption is great but should not cost because that is selling a person.

Answer 12

I have the same story as alot of people. I was born to a teenage mother, who couldnt possibly have taken care of me, and did a wonderful thing by giving me up. My parents are fantastic people who gave me the best childhood i could have imagined. It was and is always on my mind but I dont ever wish things were different or that she had kept me. ( I know people argue that there are programs etc to help birth moms survive, but I had a much better childhood than simple survival)  I am curiouse about my past however the future i have been given far outways and sense or loss or anything I felt.

Answer 13

Adoption is an incredible, wonderful thing. A person or couple gives an unwanted or not taken care of child a place to live, food, water, and lots of love.

Adoption is the most wonderful thing that happened to me. I would suggest adoption to anyone. It's such a blessing for the adoptees and the adoptive parents. And the birthmother too.

Answer 14

You need to read Maggie's story. Her question is "Where do I fit in?"  Or something...I'd send you a thread, but I don't know how to do that.

It is the strangest, coolest thing I've ever heard.

Answer 15

how do you know if a child is adopted just by looking at them,thats in reerence to if youve seen them.you cannot tell by looking at our daughter that she grew in our hearts not bellies.

Answer 16

I put my baby up for adoption in 1972, it was a difficult decision to live with, I wish things had been different for all of us. The years of not knowing and of wondering how is she, where is she, if i saw her would i know her? I lived a lie for 30 years, then I found her. I missed out on so much and I still grieve for those lost years.

Answer 17

You should read, a lot.

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum

http://www.informedadoptions.com

http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Answer 18

I was adopted when i was 8, i lived in Russia. i now live obviously ... HERE in the U>S>  I think being adopted is AMAZING i really am glad i did. I love my life and my family. My sister and i would always watch adoption stories of discovery health i think) and it brought tears to my eyes because i have been through that and its just life changing. i lived in an orphanage for a long period of time and would get changed around. For a while i had a Godmother that i would live with and she would care for me until i did get adopted. i 'm glad i got adopted before i was 16 because when you reach that age in Russia you get thrown out the orphanage and into the streets and its a hard life you just have to have ur life planned ahead of you. Its kinda sad but that is how life is over there. Many kids in my orphange would tell me not to say yes and not go because they didn't think it would be good, but i said yes and i'm glad that i did. but it was hard living in the orphanage. they were strict, if you didn't work or do enough you wouldn't get fed, so it was a hard life and scary sometimes.... that's my story.

Answer 19

My first mom was 19 years old when she had me.  This was in the early 70s.  Her mother essentially forced her to give me up.  (I can't speak to much of this.  I know only what she's told me.)

I was the first child of my adoptive parents.  My adoptive mom had a miscarriage the year before and they were told they could never have children.  About a year and a half after my parents took custody of me (a month after my birth), my a-mom gave birth to my sister.  When she was pregnant with my sister, before the adoption was finalized, the social worker asked my a-mom if she wanted to give me back.  My a-mom was appalled.  

(To be clear about something...  I use the terms "adoptive-parents" and "first mom" and others for clarity sake.  In real life, they are all just my parents.  My mom, my dad, my mom.  It's just a little confusing, when you have two moms, to write the story and make sense.)

My a-parents raised me with their three bio kids as though there were no differences among us.  They showed me just as much love as my siblings.  (Indeed, there is some reason to think I may be my a-dad's favorite.  But I'm not sure.)  

We never talked about my adoption.  Indeed, my a-dad tried, on a few occasions, to hide what little he knew about my first mom from me.  I believe we were victims of the times, as far as that is concerned.  They did tell me about my adoption very early, which was good.  But they never, ever talked about it.  And I think I needed to talk about it.  

I clearly was (and am) different from my siblings.  Not in appearances.  At least no so much.  I don't really look like anyone in the family, but I also don't really stand out.  (I do, however, look almost exactly like several members of my first family.)  But my personality is very different from anyone in my a-family (not just my immediate a-family, but the extended family, as far as I've met them).  So while my a-parents did not treat me any differently, and gave me all the love they could, I still felt differently.  I felt a bit like an outsider.  

I have also always been fearful of being left alone, of being abandoned.  I have long destroyed relationships and left before the other person had a chance to leave me.  This stretches back into my earliest memories of my a-mom leaving me at the day care.  I just always felt alone, and was afraid that feeling would finally manifest in everyone I cared about leaving me.  

Is adoption good or bad?  Here's the analogy I keep coming back to in my head:  adoption is like chemotherapy.  No one should want chemotherapy unless it's absolutely necessary.  It's hard.  It ruins the body.  It carries serious risks.  But when it's necessary, it can be a life-saving treatment.  Adoption, when it's necessary for the child, can be a life-saving process.  But even then, it still has risks for hurt and damage that need to be acknowledged and addressed.  And, as it is currently practiced in our society, it is too often not necessary for the child.  

I don't know how helpful any of this is to you.  But I hope I've given you something useful here.  Good luck to you.