Adoptee siblings?

Question

Does anyone here have siblings that were adopted too? I mean, did your adoptive parents adopt more than just you? How do you feel you get on with them? Was there uspset when you traced birth family etc blood siblings?

My sister was a bit uneasy after I told her i was searching for my brother. Shes fine with it now though. Did anyone else get a reaction like that?

My sister was also a bit unhappy about me searching for my birth mother too, I remember her saying to me "are you trying to replace mam?" I had to reasure her that I wouldnt replace anyone.

My sister isnt interested in her adoption. I figure she might be when she's older. shes only 17

Answer 1

I was adopted at birth, but both my younger sisters were natural family.

We all know, & have done since an early age, and it's never been an issue for any of us.  I get curious about my birth mother from time to time, but have never felt the inclination to look into it in the slightest.

If i did, i think my mum would understand, but i reckon my sisters would get upset by that.

Answer 2

My aparents adopted one of my brothers and had one n-son.

They knew I was going to search before they passed away, but I hadn't found my family yet.  They were quite supportive of my decision and understood my right and my desire to know where I came from.  My a-brothers and I don't talk about it much, as we aren't super close, but they know I searched and they don't really care either way; it's my life and they aren't the type to tell me how I should live it.  I think my adopted brother is curious to know his origins as well but he's not the type to actively search; however he'd welcome his family if they ever found him.

I found a full (yes read it, FULL) brother and a half- sister when I found my family.  My full brother and I are so much alike, we could be twins but for 8 years between us, we look so much alike.  Even now, 11 years later, the rest of the family can't get over our resemblance.  

I haven't seen my sister for 10 years because of my mother's pullback from the reunion, (my sister was only 9 so I had to respect that), but since she recently has begun communitcation again, I am looking forward to gaining a new relationship with both her and my sister.

It's funny when people assume a reunion will result in an adoptee "replacing" someone in the adoptive family.  Why do people think that?  Do you "replace" your old friends when you make new ones?  Do you "replace" your family when you get married and gain in-laws?

No.  

You just increase the size of your family; nobody gets "replaced".  That's silly.

Answer 3

I adopted two sisters.  We didn't find out until after the adoption was finalized that my girls were half sisters and one of them has a whole sister who was 4 or 5 years older who had been adopted previously.  My girls didn't know any of this either.  One daughter wants to find her birth parents because she's angry at them, but she never mentions her half sister.  The older daughter who is the whole sister says she has no intention of looking for the birth parents and that maybe one day she may look up her sister, but probably not.  I asked her why not and she said because her sister was adopted by their birth father's sister, which would mean she would have to deal with all of that and she doesn't want to.  She's in a very difficult situation and I know she's confused.  Her birth father is deceased, but everyone always thought the second husband was her birth father.  It is very likely that the real birth father's family has no idea she is his daughter.  I think they would have adopted her themselves had they known.  I also believe that is why the birth mother never told anyone, but when she filled out the birth certificate she put the second husband's name on it, but told the doctor who actually wrote it in the medical record that if something happened to her she wanted her daughter to know who her real birth father was, but if her husband found out, he would kill them both.  And she had every reason to believe that he would do so.  Her second husband killed her brother and her first husband over a drug deal gone bad!  So, after the adoption was finalized my worker got this packet from the other county where my girls came from and called me into the office to review it.  We were shocked to find all of this information in there.  Nice people, huh?  That is why my older daughter doesn't ever want them in her life and my younger daughter just wants to find them to tell them they ruined her life.  It is very sad.

But, I do hope that one day my girls do reconnect with their older sister.  I encouraged them to when they feel they can handle it.  And I told them if she is the only one they care to meet, just tell her that and when they get to know her better they can explain why.  She'll never come looking for them because I doubt she even knows they exist.  She was taken away from her parents when she was two.

So, because of their unique situation there would probably be a tremendous amount of upset on everyone's part.  I'm sure the birth father's family will be furious to know that they've had a child out there all these years that they didn't know about.

Answer 4

My twin sister and I were adopted by the same family. I am in the opposite position to you as my sister wants to trace our birth parents and I have no interest in doing so. I understand her reasons and know its not to replace mum and dad. She just has a need to know more about our roots. I have spoken to her and she has agreed to keep me out of things. I did post a question about it last week and had a couple of really good answers and since then we have agreed to go to counselling before she starts the search. We also now that we have 3 step siblings. and to be honest I just don't feel the need to know them at this time. We are only 22 so I will never say never its just not the right time for me. Your sister may change her mind as she gets older too.

Answer 5

Both my brother and I are adopted, He is 38 and I am 36. He knows he is adopted but will not admit it to himself let alone anyone else. I found my birth family a year ago. I have another 2 brothers now that always knew about me and wanted to find me. I have told my dad about this and he is great about it, but my mum is very ill and knowing would only hurt her. I haven't told my brother as he would not aprove!!!!!

I think every family is different, but you have to  do what is right for you. For me it has been great, I now have 2 families.

Good luck.

Answer 6

my parents addopted four of my mothers ,brothers kids because he could not take care of them.um we all pretty much got along with each other. if i was in your shoes i would like to meet  her myself ,plus it would be good to find out if there are any medical concerns that you need to know of by meeting her for info

Answer 7

My parents adopted 3 kids, not a common gene among us.  I feel that we were a normal family.  I never could detect any real difference between the way my family functioned and the way my friends' families functioned.  In adulthood, I think our very different personalities have led us in different directions.  We still stay in contact, visit each other, etc.  No one in my family knows that I searched.  I just don't think they need to know.  I always said I would search; maybe they think I "got over it."  If they ever ask, I will tell the truth.

Answer 8

From three months to 15 years I was raised with one adopted brother. He hasn't shown a desire to search but asks tons of questions about how to go about it. I think he is afraid of hurting a dead woman. In regards to our a-mom he is still a little boy, hurting over the loss of his mom, not wanting to taint her memory by bringing in a new mother. When he is ready, I will help him. I don't push it but I have encouraged him to meet and get to know my n-family so he can see that one doesn't take away from another.

Answer 9

Yeah my brother's adopted from another family. We're completely different, so don't hang out together but we're friendly when we see each other. When I got in contact with my birth family, I told him myself (felt I owned him that) but he wasn't interested. He was glad I was happy but isn't interested other than that. He met them when they came over to our house but isn't interested in his own adoption and isn't very interested in mine. Though he did ask me about my birth dad (he initially thought my bmom's current boyfriend was my bdad, so I had to explain that one).

I don't understand how he isn't interested in his birth family, but he doesn't understand why its so important to me. We don't understand each other, but we just leave each other to it. It works.