Adoptees, do you feel?

Question

you were purchased? i do, because there was money exchanged and i was what was bought. do you feel that way?

Answer 1

ive asked that question to myself before, im not adopted but kinda wondered about that. You may have been "bought", but that dosent mean you aren't special or important.

Answer 2

yes babies are bought by adoption.  but the mothers get nothing.  the lawyers and ageuncies get the money.  the mafia calls this laundering the money

Answer 3

No, that is a myth.

Answer 4

I was adopted out of foster care, so I didn't come with a price tag ...oh...I mean "agency fee."  

The outrageous "fee"  and the fact that agencies charge different fees for different types of children (age, race, etc.) sure make it looks like a price tag.  They can call it whatever they want, though.

ETA:

My amom never once made me feel purchased.  However, the AGENCIES, with their outrageous charges, advertisements and fee differentials certainly make it look that way.

I think a few people are viewing it as though we're saying our AP's made us feel purchased.  For me, even if my AP's had paid huge amounts of money, they'd have never seen me as bought merchandise, but the agencies treat children that way, in my view.

Also, my AP's did not seek out and choose me.  I just happened to be available when they chose to adopt.  If they had appeared on the scene a month later -- who knows  -- someone else may have already adopted me, so they'd have gotten a different child.  I don't need to believe I was "hand picked" in order to know I was loved.

Answer 5

Alex's mommy, that's actually not true. In most states, foster care adoption is free, or very low cost.  If you want the perfect, healthy, white infant, it does cost a lot.

God, that makes me feel like I'm shopping in a bargain bin for my babies.  I don't mind a few cracks and stains for a better price!  ICK!  (BTW, that is not the reason we're adopting through foster care.  We knew we could give a family to a child who needs one, and since it was free to adopt through foster care -and foster kids NEED homes - we were actually able to afford to do so.  Still makes me feel icky, though!)

ETA:  I don't feel icky about adopting through foster care.  It's just the idea of looking at the "price difference" between the "healthy infant", and the "broken foster kids" that bothers me.  The fact that there is an obvious "markdown" on the "broken" ones really makes me angry.  It's almost like the adoption industry is saying that foster kids are "worth" less.  Which makes me absolutely sick.  Like someone last week came in and said something about foster kids being "a dime a dozen".  I just can't look at children that way.  Especially when you realize that a child can have issues JUST BY THE FACT THAT THEY ARE ADOPTED.  They don't have to come from foster care to be "broken".  They don't even have to be adopted, matter of fact.

Oh, I'm probably not making much sense.

Answer 6

Do I feel purchased? No I don’t, my adoption was free other then court costs.

Answer 7

I've never felt that I was purchased. In fact, I'm not even sure what kind of fees my parents paid. I know they went through a county agency, but that's it.

Answer 8

I answered similarly to another question. Adoption fees are used to pay for medical (and other) expenses for the birth mother. How is it different to pay $2500 for a hospital room used to give birth or $2500 to an agency who then helps cover the birth mothers expenses? I wish you didn't feel that way. Adoption is a blessing and I am sure you were a miracle to a family who had so much love to give.

Answer 9

No I do not- and I experienced it from also adopting-  the only thing that we "paid" the birth mom for, was her medical appt. and delivery of baby- and we would have paid that if I had had a biological child.  However, think of it this way as well- your adopted mom and dad chose you- and went out to find you.

Answer 10

Sorry, but that's dumb.

Your adoptive parents have no choice but to pay, and if they had the choice I'm sure they wouldn't, they want you enough to pay, that's more than pushing you out.

My mother was adopted, and i love my adopted grandparents, and my mother DOES NOT feel as if she was bought. She has a better life.

Answer 11

absolutely not!  I do feel that my parents paid fees that helped cover the cost of my 5 weeks of foster care, the home visits, etc.  but purchased?  no way.

Answer 12

I asked my My father who was adopted and he does not feel as though he was bought.  My son was adopted and I feel as though I did not buy him.

Gaia: What do you "Still feel icky about"?  Adopting through foster care?

"(BTW, that is not the reason we're adopting through foster care. We knew we could give a family to a child who needs one, and since it was free to adopt through foster care -and foster kids NEED homes - we were actually able to afford to do so. Still makes me feel icky, though!)"

Answer 13

I feel that I was bought and my brother stolen.

I was just about 8 when my adoptive parents got a phone call wanting to know if they wanted to adopt another baby. This baby had not been born yet however my birth mother was expecting so give birth any time. Of course they said YES!

My birth mother said that she would only agree to this if it was made an open adoption. My parents lawyer told them to just go with it for now. So of course they did. As soon as the adoption was final they stopped all contact with my birth mother. This is why I feel my brother was stolen.

How do I know all this? I met my birth mother 12 years ago. She showed me a stack of letter that were written by my parents, They were dated and I recognized the handwriting.

I want to point out here that being bought and sold is better then being thrown away/killed.

Adopting through foster care is adopting a stolen child. More then half of children removed from their homes by CPS do not want to be removed. Just so that you know, for each child the social worker is able to get adopted out, they receive a $6,000 bonus. These are stolen children and their families are paying. If you are going to adopt a foster child, insist on talking to the parents first and make sure this is what they really want. Are they wanting to lose their children. If they are not and you are still interested in doing something good for a child. Adopt that child and make sure you keep their birth family involved in their life.

Check the title 4 laws if you do not believe me. It is all there printed in black and white. Most people are not aware of all of this, however it really is true and you can find the truth for yourself if you take a look. These kinds of laws are why I dropped my human service major. I refuse to legally kidnap children or be any part of it.

Answer 14

You shouldn't feel that way.  My best friend is adopted and her parents get 1000 a month.  But it's just something the state does to help people out with an extra child.   It's unrealistic for your parents to say "Oh, there is 1000  a month, but i don't want it"

Answer 15

Nope, I don't.

Answer 16

I think you are an adolescent, which makes you more dramatic.  If you were unable to have kids of your own, but wanted a family, wouldn't you pay whatever fees you could to have one?