Adoptees, do you sometimes feel 'disconnected'?

Question

... from your family (adopted and/or birth)? Do you have problems connecting fully? Do you feel it's related to your adoption?

How old were you when you were adopted?

Did you always know you were adopted?

Did you notice a problem as a kid, or not until you were a teenager or as an adult?

Does your view of "family" extend beyond blood lines & continue after divorce?

I consider my former in-laws as part of our family. But so many people exclude their former in-laws after the divorce. To me, families are forever. Yet, I sometimes feel oddly disconnected. Or "partially" connected.

Answer 1

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Answer 2

Yes, yes, yes.  

My adoptive mom is a wonderful person.  I remember her visiting last summer.  We were having a conversation, and I could tell she was really trying to understand what I was saying.  It was a struggle.  She wants to understand me, she genuinely does, but it's hard.  We're so different.  And then I sit and talk to my first mom, who I've known less than a year, and she seems to understand what I'm saying almost before I say it.  It's a different feeling.  But then I'm disconnected from my first family in other ways.  

As for connecting with others...  I will never forget the night that I was hanging out with my two best friends in the world.  One of them had the unenviable position of consoling the other as well as myself in the same night.  He looked at me and told me that, while he knew what was wrong with our other friend, he never knew what was really bothering me.  This is a man I spent nearly every hour of every day with for almost a year.  

I was adopted as an infant.  And I always knew (or, really, found out when I was around four or so).

For me, for years, my closest family has been a small group of friends that I made in college.  Nearly two decades later, and they are still some of the most important people in my life.

Answer 3

I was in the foster system for the 1st 2 1/2 years of my life, after being adopted into a family, I knew something wasn't right  and when I was told I was adopted I found out what. I was skinny 6' 3" tall and my adopted brother and mother and father were under 6' and over weight. I looked totally different and had these strong pulls to bigger and better things. I never felt like I fit in or even belonged. The abuse and controlling nature of my adopted family convinced me that I was in the wrong place.

The day I found my mother was the day I understood why I was so different. I was just like my real mother. No separation could change the gene pool. Then I met my Father and the puzzle parts fell into place. My sister and I are identical in many ways,even though she's 2 years older than I. I now know why I felt so disconnected all my life, untill now...

To this day I haven't spoken to my adopted family in over 15 years, cause of the abuse and the lies. I have my family and that's what matters. It was like we never were apart.

Answer 4

all the time. I was adopted when I was a baby and they already had 2 kids, both girls. Then they divorced when I was 2 and my mom turned into this person whose mission it seemed was to prove to the world that she kid raise 3 kids on her own while going back to school. Now that is later in life I rarely even talk to them and I don't really want to. The weird part is i don't even want to find my real parents either. I sometimes think it would of been better if I was just raised through the system rather than go through that.