Adoptees, do you think that chidren should not be adopted?

Question

should they just rot in the foster system and orphanages?

you say that people adopt to fulfill their own personal needs. so are these kids better off where they are?

no family?

Answer 1

I am an adoptee and I have 2 adopted children- and I should say- adopt away-  those children will be stuck in the system if people did not adopt- however the question I ask is it better to abort than place for adoption?  I counseled pregnant women for over 10 years that they thought it better to abort than to adopt. People do adopt because they desire children. Is that a bad thing? Of course not-  women abort for much more selfish reasons.

Answer 2

I haven't met anyone here who thinks kids should be stuck in foster care.  This question was asked not so very long ago.  Children in foster care, if their parents' parental rights have been terminated or relinquished, should certainly be adopted.  It would be great if it were family members who were adopting them, but this can't always be achieved.  But by no means should a child be left in foster care.  That's why so many here, particularly adoptees, push for foster-adoption -- because there are so many kids in foster care that need families.

If the parental rights are still intact, then if at all possible, services should lead to reunification.  I know it's not always possible, but trying for reunification should be the first course of action to follow.

Answer 3

Your question is a false dichotomy.  The choices are not adoption or rot in foster care.  

I think children should, if possible, remain with their family of origin.  

Children in foster care are a very different situation than infant adoptions.

Answer 4

It's better than abortion.

Answer 5

I believe in adopting from foster care.

I think newborns should be adopted out when natural parents  are abusive, addicts, or profoundly neglectful.

In regard to IA, I'm with UNICEF on the matter:

http://www.unicef.org/media/media_41918....

A child should not be adopted out because of a 'poor' mother who lacks 'opportunity', and is not married.  This is NOT a good enough reason to separate a mother and child.  Plus, how can we justify separating an unmarried mother and child, then say it's perfectly okay for a single woman to adopt?  Is it the $$$ again?

We are the (US) wealthiest country in the world. Thousands of people slip through our borders everyday to take advantage of our social programs, give birth free of charge in our hospitals, and experience our 'opportunities'. Yet, no one is asking for their babies.  Why are we making our own citizens feel they aren't good enough to parent their own children?  And dare to tell women who try to back out of an adoption that she OWES something to the PAPs or the agency...something's amiss here.

I do believe that potential adopters own 'personal needs' as you call it, are fueling the industry, however.

We all know that our relationships with other humans, specifically FAMILY, are the most important part of our lives.  Yet the industry consistently uses a 'better opportunity' (things) as the reason to strip less fortunate women of their children.  This is not ethical.  Agencies  and advantaged potential APs cannot continue to use the desire to 'build' or 'complete' a family, as a reason to break apart others.

Adoption should be about the children, not the adults.

Answer 6

while I'm not adopted, I do plan to adopt some day.  Many people who aopt want a little kid, without all the "problems" they see associated with older child adoptions.  This I have a problem with.  You don't know what problems a child is going to have when they are newborn so why should it matter.   Our plan is to wait until our youngest is older so all our children understand that we adopt because we love, not because we see something to gain, and then adopt an older child from the foster system.

Answer 7

Oh Boy,

Just when things were calming down 'round here!

I am adoptee who does not believe that all adoption is wrong and that it, in fact, can be a good solution to a difficult circumstance.  

I feel that some children are, in fact, better without their original mothers.  Sorry, I just do, as I have witnessed some pretty horrific mothers in my line of work.  

Unfortunately, many of the mothers who do put their kids up for adoption would have made fantastic mothers while some who keep their babies (notice I said "some") perhaps should have reliquished.

      There are those who believe that adoption is wrong, and that kids should stay with their birth parents most of the time.  I respect their opinions as it seems to be coming from a place of profound experience and much thoughtful examination.  

While I disagree with those who are the most adament "anti-adoption"  advocates, I have never seen anyone say that they think children should rot in the foster system or in orphanages.  Most all the people I come across on this site are very pro-child....that is...putting the needs of the child first.

Answer 8

NO,I FEEL THAT ITS NOT JUST TO FIND A FAMILY.ITS TO GIVE A CHILD A PLACE TO CALL HOME.I'M ADOPTED AND I FEEL VERY PROUD TO HAVE GIVEN MY MOTHER SOMEONE SPECIAL TO LOVE. WE HAVE FOSTER CARE THAT HAS MILLIONS OF KIDS WITH OUT A REAL HOME......

Answer 9

I am completely confused by your question? Why would I think that children should not be adopted? And to rot in the foster system? Ugh! I am adopted and was adopted as an infant.  My parents were unable to have children and that is what they wanted more than anything.  To be able to hold a baby. It was their dream and Yes, maybe they had a  choice between an older child and younger, I don't know, I'm just glad I was able to be with them! I do know that after my brother was adopted they even chose to have a girl and they had to wait even longer for a child in the early 70's.  Every child is a life whether young or old.  Yes, all children need to be loved, including the older in Foster who maybe need more love and approval and nurturing.  That is no argument at all.  But, I almost take it personal like you think it is horrible that my parents wanted an infant baby and that it was selfish? And, as an adoptee, I am so glad that my parents were fulfilling their own personal needs.

Answer 10

People, please.  Adoptive parents did not invent adoption, nor do they create the demand for it.  Birthmothers make this decision which in turn perpetuates the need for adoptive parents.  If there were no adoptive parents to take over parenting when a birthmother has asked to be released from that responsibility, then where would the children be?  (Cold and impersonal orphanages, which were abolished in the U.S. in 1962.)  Adoption is a grown up, responsible decision made by responsible and loving birth and adoptive parents for the benefit of a child.  There is loss and pain involved.  But constantly blaming and complaining about it doesn't do anything but make other adoptees hurt.

Answer 11

ok sorry but why would you ask that? I was adopted and find nothing wrong with that. Children should not be left to rot in orphanages and I highly doubt that would happen because once they turn 18 they are released to go out on there own.... and sometimes some ppls own personal needs are to have a kid to lighten up there life's because they cant have there own kids

Answer 12

I think the 140,000 children living in foster care should be adopted, YES YES YES

No way they should be left to rot in the foster system!

I think when people talk about adopters fulfilling their own personal needs, it pertains to those adopters who ignore the 140,000 children needing homes and go DEMAND a NEWBORN fresh from the womb, like they're entitled to that or something.  At the same time bemoaning the waiting time and the cost blah blah blahh

So people demand infants, sit on waiting lists for infants and STILL the children who need homes right now sit and rot in foster care   -   no family!

Answer 13

Another adoptee chiming in.

Adoption is the best option for many children and their birth mothers. Just because I was adopted as an infant doesn't mean that my adoptive parents were selfish wanting to have an infant.

I have three foster adoptive kids - let me tell you there is a LOT of adjusting and trying to figure out how to parent them that will allow them to emotionally heal. If I didn't have a biological child first, I would have been overwhelmed.

Parenting from infant-hood taught me that each stage has joys and challenges.

Keep in mind,An infertile couple doesn't CHOOSE not to be able to conceive a biological child. Why shouldn't they have a chance to watch a little baby from the first moments of life? Especially, when there are so many young mothers who have found comfort in knowing they choose their ideal parents for their child.

An adoptee doesn't usually get to choose his parents.