Adoptees, have you had depression or suicide attempts?

Question

I've been very depressed since I was a child, and have attempted suicide. I have a good family, and I wasn't abused, but I have always felt like I shouldn't be here...like I shouldn't EXIST. Has anyone else had this feeling?

Actually, I'm wondering if non-adoptees feel this way, too, so answer away if you aren't adopted but have felt like you shouldn't have been born. And I really mean that you feel like you shouldn't exist on earth at all, not just that you're depressed, because I know lots of people get depressed.

Answer 1

Yup yup.

Ana since 10.

Depression since 11.

Suicidal ideation since about 14.

Promiscuous behavior since about 12.

Self harm started around 12 as well.

As for thinking I shouldn't be here, well... some days I wake up and think why the h**l can't I just stop waking up?

Answer 2

I know exactly what you mean. I was adopted at birth. I'm starting to be against adoption because every adoptee I have met has felt the same way. I've met probably 15-20.

Answer 3

I have been very depressed at different points in my life, and so has nearly every adopted person I know.  I don't believe the mother of 5 adopted children who says they have never been depressed.  That would be a statistical miracle.  I have a feeling her children are either VERY out of touch, or she is too afraid to SEE.

But about YOU!  I don't know if you're in reunion, or if you've ever searched.  I don't know how much you know about adoption, or its effects on adoptees.  But I would like to recommend some books for you, and a couple sites to visit, because you are NOT alone--there are thousands of us.  I’m a big believer in the TRUTH.  If you’re still in the dark about why you’re depressed, it’s hard to get a handle on it—or any control over it.  I’m not saying I still don’t have adoption related depression, I do.  But I can work around it, and it’s bearable in the company of other adoptees who make me laugh, and find some humor in the absurdity of adoption.  

‘Lost & Found’ and ‘Journey of the Adopted Self’ by Betty Jean Lifton.

‘The Primal Wound’ by Nancy Verrier

‘The Girls Who Went Away’ by Ann Fessler

‘Being Adopted’ by David Brodsinzky

A forum where you can 'talk' with other adoptees:

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum

Lots of info & nightly chats:

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.com

More info:

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.origins-usa.org

A good article about adoption & its effects:

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Two great adoptee blogs with links to other great blogs and information:

http://ungratefullittlebastard.blogspot....

http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com/

Answer 4

I think its crossed most peoples minds at one point or another,except those nice plastic people,who wouldn't know the truth,if it crawled up their....*You may not "ask" to be born but now that your here,try to enjoy the ride.

Answer 5

I went through this phase...You over come it once you get older and have children of ur own

Answer 6

Yes, I have been depressed for a while as well.  I ran away from home when I was in high school.   It was really traumatic what happened after that and I have mostly blocked it out.  I do know that afterwards I just did everything my aparents wanted, trying appease them.  Even though it meant admitting to a non-existent lie and feeling like the dirt they walked on everyday.

I never tried to kill myself but I was majorly  into self-harm.  I don't do it anymore only because it wold hurt my husband too much.

Answer 7

I have five adopted children (now adults) and we were able to discuss everything.  They NEVER had depression or had thoughts of suicide enter their minds.

I mean this sincerely, you need to talk this out with someone.

This is not a normal reaction or thought process for a "happy" adoptee.  You say you were happy, had good parents etc.   Is that really true?   I cannot see a reason why you would be thinking like this, if it IS true.

The other answer is that you are lacking in a mineral or vitamin, or something in your body.  Get a complete blood check, because it could be something like that.

It is not always mental you know, it could be physical and you should have yourself completely checked over.

My dear, I really feel you need some kind of help.  Because this is not the way it should be, if you have had a happy childhood.   Even if you had a terrible childhood, this would still be extreme thinking.

Please talk to a Doctor, or school counselor, or if you are older, ask your Doctor to a referral to a specialist.

Of course you should exist.  You are unique, like a snowflake, and you are on this earth for a reason.  Find your reason.  What are your dreams?  What career would you dream of having.  If you choose to, write me an e-mail and I would like to help you further, if I could.

Peace and love,

Answer 8

i have had bouts of it in the past. but much of mine was due to my addiction problems. which i am beginning to see these issues were genetic, but also i think it may have also be facilitated by my feeling of being 'alone'

it may or may not be adoption related, but i have dealt with most of these issues and realize i have much to live for. i am a very lucky person.

Answer 9

I had the same experience as you with my a-family, but I have attempted suicide more than 3 times.  On medication, have had children, and like you, still getting worse!

Answer 10

I was not adopted but when I was a child I always felt like I never fit anywhere.  I thought about suicide many times but never acted on it.  I grew up in a religious home that believed you would go to h**l if you killed yourself and I think that fear was the only thing that kept me level headed.  When I was 12 I used to go through my parent's things looking for adoption papers because I had such a feeling that this wasn't my family and I must belong somewhere else.  So yes...even kids who are not adopted have the same feelings.  I always tried to tell myself that I was going through these trials for a reason and maybe some day I would be used to help someone else in the same situation.

Answer 11

I'm an adoptee and I often feel I have no right to be here.

Answer 12

yes i have felt that way b4

Answer 13

well yes i have at times felt that way not have idea of  where you come from is what i think makes it hard to stop them feelings but i think also that there are a lot of people out there that are not adopted too as just look at mental health and you will see all types of people there saying they wont to die or that they are depressed

Answer 14

Hi,

I was adopted out at 7 weeks old. I had an option adoption and met my mother at the age of 4, but I still couldn't understand. At first I disliked my mother as I though she had just dumped me. Later, I found out she adopted me out because she was young and my father had dumped her and said he didn't want kids.

Both my biological parents regret leaving me, as they say pver and over again, so I have forgave them. I met my father when I was 13 and found out I had a half brother. All this was followed by depression. Everyone was trying to say "Live with me, not her/him" and I was completely confused. I never tried to commit suicide but I have got close to trying. I have learn to live well, and dont live the past. It was hard though, and I know what you are going through. As a kid I felt left out and had a few social problems, but I have grown a lot since then.

Good luck,

Hope this has helped.