Adoptees, how would you feel about this?

Question

I am working on an album for my birth daughter and for my son, it includes old photos from the 30's until now. Even some marriage licenses etc, family tree stuff, also included are pics of her brother who we raised. My husband thinks she might not want the album from the family she should have had, maybe it would be painful to her. What do you think?

Answer 1

I would make it but ask her before you give it to her.  My bio-aunt is actually doing something similar for me.  She is researching her own family history and recently asked me if I would like a copy of the book she is making for her children.  While I really have no interest in learning anything about my bio-parents (I came from an abusive home), it would be nice to have the info on my bio grandparents, etc.  Also someday my own kids might want to do genealogy, and it would be nice to have the info since my Aunt has already gathered it.

Answer 2

I would be over the moon

That is a wonderful thing to do for her

Answer 3

Personally, I would love that!  But I'm not your birth-daughter.  I definitely would ask her if she would like it, and let her know that if she doesn't want it or doesn't feel comfortable taking it, that its completely fine.  : ) Amazing gift idea, though.  Kuddos!!

Answer 4

i am adopted and i would be very touched by souch a gift and cherish it but since i am only 12 i wouldnt know about that. personally it still might be a little awkward

Answer 5

Speaking for myself, I just spent last weekend looking through hundreds of pictures from my first family.  I really, really enjoyed it.  It was one of the best things that has happened to me in quite some time.  I would love such an album.

But your daughter might feel differently.  I can't imagine her not loving it, but she might not.  If you are really wanting to surprise her, I don't think it would hurt, but you know her better than I (if not as well as you'd like).  And if you (or your husband) are really worried about it, better to ask than maintain the surprise.  

Good luck.

Answer 6

i would ask her if she would like it. I don't think its about the family she should of had, its about the family that she could get to know. Even though some people aren't raised by their biological family doesn't mean they didn't end up with the right family. Everything happens for a reason, you gave her a  better life, a life that you couldn't provide her at the time, that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to know about it. I love looking at pictures of my dads family cuz i get to see who i look like. I would love to know who i look like possibly from my mom's side since she was adopted.

Answer 7

I would absolutely love it if my n-mom did that for me!  That is very cool. :)

Answer 8

If you have been in reunion for 7 years, and you have a great relationship - I think it is an awesome thing to do.  My adopted son, has just met his birth family, and he has an album like that, and he cherishes it.

Answer 9

i will tell you this, i cherish everyone of the pictures my biological grandmother gave to me of my mom growing up. they are very special to me. i would assume that your daughter would love to have a photo abulm

Answer 10

i would love it. i think it is a great idea. but if you are worried maybe you should ask.

i got to see some old pics of my bfamilies and it was great. i wanted to snag all of them and take them with me. maybe some day i will get some copies.

Answer 11

I would judt ask her first

Answer 12

I think it is the niciest thing any one could do

Answer 13

Asking her would be a good start.  I am sure it will be beneficial for her to know more about her birth family.

Answer 14

I would KILL for something like that!

Our first Christmas in reunion, I gave my b-mom an album that had pictures from when I was tiny to present.  (had to sneak them out of my mom's house and photocopy them!)

I received the sampler she embroidered while she was pregnant with me, and the stocking she made for me later.

My b-mom is a genealogist, and I received a huge amount of family history, and a couple of generations of the genealogy, but I would LOVE to have a photo album.

Answer 15

I think it's a very thoughtful gift.  As an adopted person, I would very much enjoy something like that.

Answer 16

IF my birth mom had done that for me - I would be forever grateful. Some people are into family history so much more than others.

Personally I am.  I don't think of my birth family as something I should have had...but people who are a part of me and my children. The first thing I asked my grandmother after finding her was a history.

Answer 17

I would have loved that! right now my birthdad sends me pictures from Iraq and New Mexico (thank God he is home now) and my birthbrother has a bunch of pictures for me. Seems like you guys have a better relationship then me and my birthfamily and I wouldn't be offended by it.

Answer 18

dont listen to your man listen to your hearts folow your dreams

Answer 19

Snowwillow, I would LOVE the pictures, and feel honored that you took the time to put it together for me.

I would advise NOT to ask, just to give it to her, and tell her she can look at it later, if she doesn't want to look at it with you.  She might feel too self-conscious.

The reason I say NOT to ask is because adoptees tend to think they don't deserve things, and are often people pleasers.  When I met my father, he brought a briefcase FULL of photographs of his life, pictures of he & my mother, his (and my) extended family.  He told me to take whatever I wanted.  I was trying to be polite, so I took maybe 4 pictures.

He is dead now.  Who knows where all those pictures are now?

Just give it to her.

Answer 20

I would LOVE something like that, and I'd be very surprised if she wasn't fascinated by her own family tree and heritage.  I know that I was when I found out a few things about mine.  

What a wonderful thing for you to do!  I can't find words strong enough to convey what a fabulous gift this is to an adoptee!  Really, really wonderful.

Answer 21

Oh my this is a great idea, I am the family genealogist and my adoptive daughter (related to me) loves to go over the family trees. She always says now remind me who I am related too. She takes great pride in that. Please give her the book and leave it in her hands. My dd loves the pictures of her first mom when she was little. And she looks just like her maternal grandfather!!!



   I think that was very thoughtful! And as for your husband's men do not always understand the sentimentality of woman...he may be trying to protect your feelings in the event she did not want it.

    I think she will want it!  Good Luck.

Answer 22

I say go for it. The album sounds like a great idea it sure sounds like you are putting a lot of work into it. Tell her that you have made this album for her and explain to her that you are unsure how she might feel about it and if she is not ready for it you can hold on to it until she is.

Hope all goes well!!

Answer 23

I think it would be an excellent idea.  I would give anything in the world to have something like that.