Adoptees, if you've had emotional problems due to your adoption, did you obtain psychological help or therapy?

Question

If so, was it your idea or your parents? Did it help you? Did it make things worse?

Answer 1

I got put into counselling at school because I was acting out. My parents didn't know about it until I told them. I quit that counselling because it wasn't addressing my issues.

Then about 5 years later, post-reunion, I decided I really needed some help and organized some adoption counselling. I thought my parents may be judgemental about it, so only told them after I'd started going. They were fine about it, and hadn't realized how much I was struggling.

Its still early days with this counsellor, but its great for me to talk things through with someone who understands. She's recommended some books and I'm reading them through, but due to circumstances out of my control, I'm going to have to stop seeing her soon. It has helped though.

I think I'm going to see if I can work through these issues myself, maybe find a support group, and then if necessary, start therapy in a few years' time.

I wish my parents had got me help when I was younger, because I spent far too long struggling on my own. But neither of them are very good at talking about feelings, so they probably never considered therapy.

Answer 2

If you are emotionally affected by it seek help.  I'm adopted and it never bothered me as they picked me and weren't just stuck with what they got.

Answer 3

I cant say that I really had emotional problems. But there must of been something there, because when I reunited with my bio parents, I felt a sense of knowing and belonging. My therapy was my reunion I guess.

Answer 4

I'm speaking as an adoptive mother of two children who both have a lot of issues having to do with adoption.  Some of their issues are due to the trauma in their lives before they were adopted.  Some of the issues are because of the natural issues that adoptees deal with.  I strongly encourage adoptive parents to provide regular counseling for their adoptees.  And, choose therapists who have lots of experience with adoptees and foster children.  They know what to look for and how to help.  Based on my on experiences and what I have observed in others, all adoptees need counselling at some point.  If there was trauma involved in their early lives, then the therapy needs to be early and consistent.

Answer 5

I started in therapy in my teens because my parents recognized I needed it, however adoption wasn't addressed.  

I believe that this is often the case, since it isn't widely recognized that infant adoption can cause any emotional problems.  This misconception is illustrated quite nicely in the Q&A in this forum where so many still tell adoptees to just get over it.  I suppose that's just about as helpful as going for therapy that doesn't address adoption.  

So, needless to say, no, it didn't help me.  It didn't make things worse, it just didn't help at all.

Answer 6

42 yrs and counting - so far so good.

I was adopted at 4 mos and have a brother two years younger who was adopted at 1 mos.  Neither of us have had any issues (well, we all have issues ;-) that we attribute to adoption.  Our parents were very open with us about it - I think they told us when we were very young 4 or 5 and then really explained it in detail when we were older.

There were several other adopted kids on our street so it wasn't really a big deal to us, but we would sometimes be surprised by peoples reaction when we told them.  Seemed it was a real taboo to them.

So I can't really comment or answer your question as it wasn't an issue for us.

Answer 7

I went to therapy for most of my teens, none of them ever touched into adoption. In my early adulthood I found a therapist who specifically worked with other adoptees and went to her for quite a while. She DID help with certain issues I was dealing with at that time. I also opened up her eyes to some other issues as well that in return SHE needed to address ( she was an adoptee herself.)

I think if someone finds the right therapist they can get help with many things ( adoption related or not ) in their lives.

I want to also stress that its not JUST the adoptee who needs the "therapy" as if we're the only broken ones. Quite a few adoptees I know have extra issues from their adoptive parents who need/ed therapy themselves not to mention surrendering parents to survive the surrender as well as overcome any obstacles(if any) that they felt were keeping them from full-filling their duty as a parent.

Attachment related "issues" aren't a problem of the adoptees inability to "attach", they are the adoptees survival and coping mechanisms from the world failing them. There is a significant difference. I think that adoptees are labeled the ones with the problems far too often, like we are defunct, or we are the ones with the problem because it hurt us. So i wanted to make that clear.

I'm not undermining the value of therapy to get from point A to point B. I think anyone who has gone through a traumatic event could benefit from some unconditional validation and support from a professional therapist experienced in their area of trauma.