Adoptees, what would you say to a PAP who says this?

Question

I got this email from a PAP, and thought y'all would be better people to answer than me:

We are an approved adoptive home with an approved income. We own are home and do just fine. We have great health insurance, and a wonderful extended family filled with joy at the prospective of being a Grandma aunt uncle ect ect ect. Being in the military we are having a difficult time coming up with the 20,000 plus to adopt an infant.

We have gone threw the foster to adopt program with our local DHS. We are licensed. but our issue lies with the fact that their are few to no young children in the system to be adopted.

I bleave you are confused the children do not "stay with their family" if someone does not adopt them. They are moved from foster home to foster home for the duration of their lives.

Furthermore, I have a personal friend that was adopted and dispises all parents involved deeply and is havening a hard time with our choice.

Answer 1

Based on your usual attitude toward any other PAPs besides yourself, why don't you

Suggest they get an "exotic pet" from another country..

Tell them YOUR way is the only way to go about adoption

Tell them that they shouldn't adopt.. YOU are the only one that "gets" adoptees, so  you're the only one that should adopt..

Either way, these poor SELFISH people OBVIOUSLY need your all-wise guidance. Better make sure they do things the "right" way

Just a thought..... I imagine these thoughts will cost me 10 points.. Oh well, sometimes I just gotta speak my mind.

Answer 2

I bow down to you for what you and your husband are doing.  It is great to see people want to take care of these kids in need.  I hope everything works out.  I have 3 kids 12, 4, and 12 months.  and I am pregnant with my fourth.  And when my kids are sleeping I pray I will be in there lives forever.  NOt that I will leave them but I hope I live as long as they need my care.  I am sorry I don't have an answer for you but you will be in my thoughts and I hope you get what you want because there are children who need your love.  I don't know your religious back round but God Bless you.

Answer 3

Hi Gaia,

I think the key to this response lies in the P.S they added at the end there: "why bring a child into this world through invitro when there are already children that are in need of love and a family."

They are right - there ARE already children in need of love & a family.  However, those children are rarely infants.  The children who are most in need of love & families are older.  Those are the children who are available.  If they wish to offer their home to children in need, then the answer is clear.  Go where the need is.  If however, they really want a baby to meet their OWN needs, then they need to realize that due to supply & demand, there is going to be a huge surplus of other families also offering their homes to infants who may need adoptive services.  Fewer infants are in need of those adoptive homes.  Factor in there that profit levels raked in by agencies shoot up to the sky when healthy infants are involved because they know that people who can pay, will pay any amount to get what they perceive to be the most desirable child.

I think the family that emailed you needs to do some honest soul-searching to determine what it is they want and what their motivations are.  

As for their assertion that "there are few to no young children in the system," if correct, that should not be viewed as a problem.  The fewer children in need of services, the better!  We should rejoice when children do not need alternate family arrangements.  Most families are able to raise their own children with the proper resources & assistance.  And that it always the preferable goal as long as he/she is not in danger of being abused.   Hope this explanation helps them understand.  

Almost forgot to congratulate you on your wonderful news, Gaia.  My fingers are crossed that the placement will go through for the child who will be fortunate enough to have you for an adoptive mom!  Hugs,

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 4

What exactly prompted the PAPs to respond with this??  The thing that jumps out at me about this is that they SOOO want to adopt, are approved...but there are no babies.  If they want to adopt through fostering, why not start fostering a slightly older child?  What is the problem or question?

Answer 5

I am concerned with this mentality that they were approved. It honestly sounds like it was written by a teenager...

Edit: I also don't think the purpose of your question has anything to do with whether your way is better as stated y the person above me....I think the concern is the attitude of the PAP... Could be wrong, but that is how I understood the question.

Answer 6

i actually would just ignore them. I mean i guess i compare most adoptive parents to mine. because my adoptive parents were so supportive in my search. They tried to understand me regarding my feelings for adoption. I can't believe that there is such a small percentage of adoptive parents that say hurtful things like a couple who posted on here in recent days. i'm glad there are adoptive parents like you Gaaia and my parents that are wonderful. That goes to anyother PAP on here that has said postive things and tried to understand their adoptive children. it shows you really love them.

Answer 7

hi gaia...

first, i'd suggest that the pap uses spell-check :-)

i don't know, there were several things in this person's email to you that jumped out at me as odd:

-we own [our] home and do fine.

-we are having a difficult time coming up with the [$20K] to adopt an infant.

-our issue lies with the fact that that [there]are few to no young children in the system to be adopted.

-"pay for our child."

------------------------

i'm not an adoptee, but it seems clear that this person (s) really need a bit more education on foster-adoption and adoption in general.

ETA: "Almost forgot to congratulate you on your wonderful news, Gaia. My fingers are crossed that the placement will go through for the child who will be fortunate enough to have you for an adoptive mom! Hugs"--ditto!!!!