Adoptees: 2 part Question?

Question

2 part Question:

I'm trying to understand the adoptees who do not want access to their records.

I) If you are an adoptee, and you feel you do NOT deserve rights to your records, could you please explain why you feel that way?

2) If you are an adoptee who feels you do NOT deserve rights to your records, do you also feel that other adoptees should not have rights to their records as well?

Thank you for sharing your insights there because that is one area I truly do not understand.

Answer 1

God I hope you don't get too many answers to this question.

Answer 2

Well, I'm one of the lucky ones in that I have my records.  My first mom and I both registered with the state from which I as adopted and I was allowed to access everything.

The thing is, I registered ten years ago.  She didn't know about the registry until fall of 2006 so we didn't match until then.  So for me it was a case of "Mother may I?"

Not fair.

Adoptees should have the right to all of our records.  They are ours.  We should have the right to know the names fo the people who created us.  It should be our right as American citizens.  No person who relinquishes is granted a right to remain anonymous.  Adoption is not a magic spell that creates amnesia either.  And IMO the wishes of those parents who relinquish who do not want to be found should not trump the rights of so many adoptees everywhere who are being denied our basic rights.

Everyone should have the right to know where they come from.  It should be up to them as to what they do with said information but they should have a right to it.

Answer 3

me too, i've never really met an adoptee who didn't believe in open records for adoptees......do they exist?

Answer 4

Okay, you're asking a different question at the top than the 2 you have numbered.  You first say that you're trying to understand the adoptees who do not want access to their records, yet your two questions ask about adoptees who do not feel they deserve rights to their records.  Those are two very different things.  Please clarify.

Thanks~

My husband is an adoptee.  He is not interested in his records, period.  I may try to convince him otherwise for the sake of our kids, but as of now, he is not interested.  He thinks (and I have so far been convinced) that all anyone can do is eat healthy, excercise, and see your doctor regularly for physicals and testing.  A few here have opened my eyes to the possibility of that not being enough.  

That is referring to his medical records.  I'm confident he'll never have an interest in anything other than his medical information.  

Now as for rights to your records.  I agree that everyone has rights to their records- as long as the birthmother has the option to protect her identity.  That might mean an adoptee not knowing names.  I know this won't be a popular answer, but it is my opinion.  I'm a birthmother, and while we have an open adoption, I am also well aware and understanding of birthmothers who just want to move on.  If there is a way to provide full medical records... then of course any adoptee should be allowed full access to that.  I'm not aware of all of the records adoptees are looking for and/or denied access to.  But I would think that a birthmother deserves her right to privacy as much as an adoptee deserves the right to know their history.  Each situation would be different, I'm sure.

Hope this helps~

Answer 5

I'm not an adoptee, but the parent of adopted children.  When they turned 18 I provided them with all of the information I had about their birth parents and told them that if they chose to seek them out, I would be fine with that, but that I did not want to have anything to do with the birth parents and would prefer they not know me, where I lived, etc.

The reason behind my attitude towards the birth parents was because of who they were.  The children were removed from the home for their safety and I and social services were court ordered not to allow the birth parents knowledge of the kids whereabouts or have any access to them for the protection of the children.  These were bad people.  I won't go into detail on that.

My children understood and agreed with my wishes to not have any knowledge or contact with the birth parents.  My oldest took all of the documentation which included pictures of the birth parents, read it all, looked at the picture a few minutes and put it away and has never looked at it again even after she married and had children.

My youngest said at the time she wanted to find them and ask them why they gave her away.  I told her she knew they had not given her away.  She was removed against their will.  But she remains very angry with them and although she has never attempted to contact them or even find out if they have attempted to contact her, she continues to say that one day she will go find them.

I think once the adopted child turns 18 they have a right to any information the adoptive parent was given.  If the adoptive parent doesn't have any information to give them, then I believe they have a right to the records as long as the birth mother has not specifically requested that she remain anonomous.

As far as why an adopted child would not want the records, that's simple.  They just simply aren't curious about people they don't know.  They have a life they are happy with and it revolves around their real parents, not their birth parents.  Or they have enough info or remember enough about their birth parents to know that they don't want to re-establish a relationship with them.

Answer 6

Everyone has the right to their own personal life information such as parents names brothers and sisters to deny this is barbaric and heartless.

The records in Canada were open, until people started to mention they wanted to know if they were stolen, there was going to be a class action lawsuit, Government cought wind of it and quickly got a judge to re-close them before to many people got their records. Lowlifes.....

No they don't exist.. The government set up a sort of  fake group that acted on the behalf of adopties (And cowards).

If their are any out there they just don't have the balls to find out what really happened. God forbid that parents and children talk and find out that they were forcefully had their families ript apart for corporate profit.

Answer 7

This is my biggest issue, so I can't help but  respond.  I know I'm like a broken record, but when being treated with discrimination by the state, I can't help but be passionate.

I'm an adopted person who believes that discrimination by the state is wrong.  In 44 states, adopted citizens are denied unconditional access to their own birth records.  Non-adopted citizens have this right.  This is discrimination, plain and simple.

For those who think there is some sort of privacy promised to natural parents, there is not.  Here is why:

The sealing of records does not mean that records seal when parents relinquished their children. They do not. The birth records only seal if and when an adoption is finalized. If an adoption fails and the child is "unadopted," the original birth record unseals and is reinstated as the child's only legal birth certificate. All of the children sitting in foster care who age out of the system have complete access to their original birth certificates, as these are their only legal birth certificates. This is true whether the child was removed by CPS or whether the parent(s) relinquished without the court forcing their hands. This alone shows that their is no anonymity of identity guaranteed to natural parents.

Further, some states allow the adoptive parents or adoptee (if old enough to state) to decide whether or not the original birth record will be sealed.

In the 44 states that currently deny adopted citizens unconditional access their own birth records (like the non-adopted have,) provisions are made for such access to occur if certain conditions are met.

It is clear that there is no promise of anonymity for natural parents, nor can one be promised under our laws as written.  A special privacy provision strictly for persons who have relinquished a child does not exist.  Natural parents already have the very same privacy rights that all other citizens have -- no more, no less.  

Adopted citizens, however, do not have the same rights as their non-adopted counterparts.  I seek to have the same rights as the non-adopted -- no more, no less.

Answer 8

You're kidding!  Some people believe the don't DESERVE their records?

Answer 9

I personally had no desire to have any contact with my birth parents. I had the opportunity to meet my bio father. Refused. My mom offered to help me find my bio mother if I wanted. Didn't have any desire. I was told who my bio parents were even had a relationship with my bio grandparents and an aunt and some cousins. Just no desire to have any with bio parents. I do feel that anyone who wishes this information should have it. But I also feel they must be fully prepared for what can happen if they do meet. For some it has been a good experience, but for some others it was terrible. Some bio's want to meet the child they gave up, others don't. And for those who don't it is a hard thing for the child to be yet again sent away. To me it is a personal choise for those involved. Neither is wrong.