Adoptees? And Adopted Parents?

Question

I'm 18 now and since the age of 15, I have been searching for my adopted sister her birthday is 1-12-87, and she was adopted sometime in 0ct. of 87, i think. I finally made contact, with the adoptive parents, but they were all like " she's our family" or something like that. I knew that. I just wanted to be on talking terms. I wasn't trying to take the people's place.

Her name is Amanda jean Connelly her adopted parents are Dennis Dywane Connelly and Garry S Connelly. She has a sister named Kelli. They are from Tx. If you need to know more, just ask and if i have it i'll let you know.

My questions are:

Do any of you know them?

And if you are adopted, would you want to know your birth family siblings?

How do the adopted parents feel bout their adopted child meeting their birth siblings.family,etc.

please explain why.thanks

Answer 1

hi... I don't think you must disturb her and her adopted parents. All u want to know is if she is loved and well taken care of. Now that u know this u should be satisfied. Your trying to contact them may create a lots of confusion both for u and ur sis and her present family...

keep calm and just hope that she will be happy where ever she is now....

Answer 2

good luck on your search!!

I would love for my child to meet his half brother...but unfortunately, his half brother has not been told of his existence and both were removed from their mother...CPS made this a closed adoption, so I doubt my child will ever know his brother ....sad

Answer 3

It must be extremely hard for you to have searched for 3 years and then when you finally find your sister (by birthdate who is 21) and her parents do not allow contact that it must break your heart.  What we do not know is did the parents tell her you were trying to contact her, maybe she is at the point where she does not want contact and she had them tell you this.  

What I would do is write a letter, if you have their phone number then you can get their address.  Mail her a letter introducing yourself.  Just make your existance known and that you would like to have an open line of communication.

Now, as an adopted parents if someone comes onto a site and list my full name along with my spouses and the name of my daughter I would be extremely upset.  You are listing their names and where they are from, I know this probably was to help get in touch with your sister, but not a good move.  If you want them to open a line of communication and respect, I would not be posting that information.

As for knowing birth family siblings I am at a crossroads with this.  My son sees his half-brother all the time, he just lives a few miles from us so they see each other quite often.  He has a half-sister who lives in another state 20 hours away, we go visit her every summer for a week, call on the phone and correspond over emails.  These are the two half-siblings who he sees. I am comfortable with this because we are family and are being raised with the same morals and beliefs as my son.  He does have one more half-brother who is also in another state about 5 hours away and contact with this sibling is very limited, the existance of this brother is rarely brought up.  My son does not know him and when they have seen each other the visits have not been good due to aggression and behaviors from the half-brother.  I know he has a half sibling from his birth father's side, possibly two, but I have no clue who they are, their names, anything, his bfather walked out when he was born.  So since I have no clue on them, I have not even told my son of their existance because all it is is hear say, I can not even verify who they are.  So, my son does have contact with some of his half-siblings.

Answer 4

I found out that my adopted son has an older sister living here in the US.  I found out what agency handled her adoption and asked them to contact this family and let them know about us.  The family sent word back that they didn't want any contact and we'd better not harrass them.  

It would mean everything to my son to know his sister. I can't understand why people try to put fences around their adopted children's hearts and control who gets inside. And why do they think that's going to work?

Answer 5

I am adopted and do want to know my siblings.  Having some connection with my relatives has added to my life.  Having more people in my life who care about me and who I care about has been rewarding.  And I have a lot in common with my siblings.  It has been a lot of fun getting to know them.

I cannot be sure how my adoptive parents feel, deep down, but they have supported me in my search and reunion.  They seem to recognize that it's possible to love many people.

Answer 6

Hi Fluttermeby,

As an adopted parent, I am extremely happy that DD will be meeting her bio-sisters.  The children are innocent and didn't choose this destiny.  I will always encourage them to be close.

Don't give up.  I hope you find your sister soon.  It sounds like sometimes adoptive parents are insecure, don't be discouraged.  Good Luck:)

*Listen to Possum, she always gives great advice and she knows what she is talking about from experience.

Answer 7

Have you looked for her on MySpace and Facebook???

You will need to search her out yourself - and make contact directly.

She's an adult - and should be allowed to make decisions for herself - but sadly - some adoptive parents are delusional &  think that their adoptees should remain forever children.

Be aware - that they will load a whole heap of guilt on your sister - so you may have to tread very very carefully.

Adoptees don't want to take sides - they want to love all - and should be allowed to love all.

But it just rarely ever happens like that.

Sadly - this also happened when I reached out to my older sister - who was adopted out 5 yrs before I was.

(I eventually got around them - she was 43 when I found her - and her a-parents were still being crazy about it - and my sister and I are now very very close)

Sadly - there are many adoptive parents that are so caught up in their own universe & their own insecurities - that they can't understand that adoptees have another family out there - a family that is just as important

Many many adoptees DO want to know their first family.

Many many adoptees DO go out and search.

Too many adoptive parents make it all about them.

Many adoptees are scared to search - scared of being rejected once they find their first family.

You have every right to reach out to your sister.

She will probably be really glad - deep down - that someone came looking for her.

I wish you and her all the very best.

Answer 8

i am not adopted but if I was I would want to know of them

I would want to know if I had more family, I personally believe you can never have too much family...

I am an adoptive parent and I know how I would feel and think that my child would feel the same or similar and that is why we choose to have an open arrangement with her birth parents, siblings and grandparents.