Adoptees Are you Happy?

Question

I would just like to ask adoptees are they happy, really truly happy ?

I'd like to hear if you have had counseling and are happy or not and if you haven't had counseling and are happy or not

I'd like to know if you are happy and you rarely talk about adoption stuff, or if you are happy and always talk about it ?

Or maybe you are very unhappy and Always talk about it , read about it etc or you are unhappy and never talk about it or feel it

I just wonder the more we feel our feelings about our adoption if it completely turns us inside out ?

For me I feel like it has , when I was oblivious and never thought some of the issues i had were adoption related I was a lot happier.

Now that I know its because I was adopted I am far worse off.

I am, I would say unhappy every day.

Sure I get up every day with a smile on my face and a positive outlook but something will inevitably happen that I take personally and I end up dwelling on it .

So how about you are you happy ? or unhappy and why ?

Answer 1

I am very happy.  My adoption hasn't caused me pain or hurt feelings.  I realize that some it has.  I have had counseling but not in relation to adoption but in relation to my husband's deployment.  The one thing I realized recently in life (I am 30) is that the more you dwell the more you give yourself reasons to be unhappy the more unhappy you will be.  At some point you are the one that has to make you happy.  This is different than saying "suck it up".  For example...my husband was deployed and I felt overwhelmed worrying about him.  My therapist said that what I needed to do was start focusing on myself..go to school...find a hobby.  Now this doesn't directly relate to adoption as far as the therapist solution but the method is the same.  At some point you are an adult and you are the one that decides how your life goes.  I think it is great for those that dislike abortion and who have been adopted to change what they don't like.  There are things I think are wrong about the system and have considered getting involved to change those.  So anyways.  Sometimes dwelling on unhappiness keeps you from living your life.  I really wish you good luck and hope that through time you find the way to heal.

Answer 2

My auntie is very happy

Answer 3

I would say that I am generally happy with who I am, where I came from, etc.  I've never had counseling.  No meds.  My adoption comes up in conversation sometimes...if it does OK, if it doesn't OK.  Although, anyone who knows me also knows that I'm adopted.  It is not a secret, neither is it a topic I wear on my sleeve.

I look to my current relationships to gage my happiness:  relationship with my kids-OK; relationship with my spouse-OK, relationship with family (those I know and have decided that I like)-OK, relationships with friends/neighbors-OK.  

Having said all of that, I will say that I trust NO ONE.  Everyone I have ever known has let me down dramatically.  So, I decided long ago not to trust/count on anyone.  It sounds cynical, bit it isn't.  There is great freedom in knowing that you are the only person on the face of the earth that you can trust, truly, 100%.  So, I'm never disappointed.

Answer 4

mostly happy

Answer 5

Im happy cause if i wasn't adopted then i might be on the streets right now so yeay im happy

Answer 6

Yes, i'm happy with my life. there are times that i'm sad, angry. but most cases i'm happy. adoption doesn't define me. it's a piece of my life. if i dwell on the negative, i become unhappy, so i try not too.

Answer 7

I'm an adoptee and very happy.  I met my "biological parents" and they were messes... alcoholics, drug abusers...and didn't have it together.  Thank goodness for adoption, I am who I am today because of my mom and dad.  I'm happy!

Answer 8

I am happy with the way my life has turned out. I have a loverly husband and 3 beautiful kids. What more could I ask for? I get unhappy about everyday things like bills and stuff, but nothing out the norm. I dont get unhappy about my adoption. I can talk about it, and if anyone asks me questions, I am capeable of answering them with no negative feeling.

I think that if I hadnt of found out about where I came from, then I would have had alot of unanswered questions, but no unhappiness.

I have more important things in my life. The family I am raising is more important and I never get the time to be unhappy.

Answer 9

I'm happy.

Even though my mother gave us up for adoption because her new husband wouldn't accept her children.  Even though my adoptive parents were abusive.

I learned what was the right way to treat our family members, and I love and support my children, and I have finally found the right wife for myself, and I am happy with my wife and my children and with myself.  

cw

Answer 10

I am a happy adoptee. I never had counseling. I guess I'm good with it because of the way I was raised. I had some problems after the first adoption, but that was because of the abuse we (me & my 2 brothers) be put through. My mom and dad were very loving and patient and got me through them. I guess it is because my parents were very open and honest about what had happened in my life before they got me. I was told everything they knew about my bio's and my 1st adoptive parents. Then when I was in hight school I met my grams and gramps. I had a great relationship with them and still have a good one with my cousins. My grams also told me about my bio parents and it was just like my mom and dad had said. Grams was able to tell me more about the personalities of my bio's, and shared pictures with me. Come to find out when I was little my dad would take me down by where grams lived so that she could see how I was growing and that I was ok. When I told my mom and dad that I had met my cousin and wanted to meet my grams and gramps they were supportive  I was still in school then. When my bio father (use term loosley) was killed I felt nothing but relief, as he was always a threat to me and to his parents. I went through the typical want to know stage, but because my parents were so open and grams and gramps were too that my courisity was satisified. Both offered to help me find my bio mom and I didn't and still don't have a desire to. I have no problem talking about adoption as it is a part of my life that makes me who I am today. The only regrets I have is that my brothers and I were seperated after the 1st adoption. Met one of them wasn't impressed. No one knows where the other one went when he turned 18. So I guess I am one of the lucky ones that grew up well adjusted and don't have problems related to being adopted. My life has not been problem free just not adoption problems.

Answer 11

Why Yes I am... Thanks for asking

Answer 12

my friend was adopted and she says she's really happy. she doesn't want to find her birth parents though. she likes the set she's got.

Answer 13

For the most part I am a happy person; the times I may not be happy has nothing to do with being adopted but other things going on in my life. I have never had counseling due to being adopted. In grade school I did see a therapist but it was to work on my motor skills.  I rarely talk about adoption in RL. To me its just not a big deal, I was adopted just a part of what makes me me. That said I don’t have a problem talking about it if it came up in conversation but it rarely does.

Answer 14

This is totally not the answer you where looking for  but I just want to tell you that by reading the other answers to your question I have gained alot of knowledge about how adopted children feel when they get older.

My Husband and I have a little girl that we are in the process of adopting (GOING ON THREE YEAR NOW) we have had her since she was a little baby 8 months old, she doesn't know any better at the moment but she does play with and know her siblings and she we do tell her they are her brother and sister.  We don't plan on ever hiding the fact that she is adopted, every person needs to know where they came from.  

I hope that you find peace for yourself with this and I so think that you will.  Alot of these answer made perfect since even though I do worry about the time when she wants to let her bios into her life only because they are not the most stable people, I'm not trying to be selfish only concerned for her welfare. I just hope that you will listen to your heart and see what kind of person that you've become and never dwell on what your life was.or would've been, It just doen't matter that much really.

Anyway thanks for asking the question it has also help me.

Answer 15

I'm happy within myself and with the life I lead.  At the same time I'm sad about the losses caused by adoption and I'm also thrilled to be in reuinion with my family in the States.

Life is great.  And I feel a sense of relief for having done the work and getting to the bottom my quirks and neuroses, knowing that adoption DID have an effect on me has cleared up alot of things for me and I'm seeing clearer now.   When I towed the 'adoption had no effect on me' line, I was always wondering why I was so different from my parents natural kids, I just couldn't work it out.  Honestly, I thought I ought to be just like them, because I was raised the same.  What a doorknob I was! duh! wake up Heather :)

Oh and I just wanted to point out a couple of things - just because you want to search for your first family doesn't mean you weren't brought up right or that you are not well-adjusted, as implied by an earlier answerer on more than one occasion!   Just wanted to clear that one up.

Take care adoptedjane and be kind to yourself.  It'll be alright.  At least you're recognising things for what they are and you are working on that.  It's ok to feel sad about sad things and I can't think of anything much sadder than a baby losing her mother ((((adoptedjane)))

Answer 16

Im adopted AND I HAte IT! i was always told i was addopted since i was 6-when i was adopted-(but i had been living with my mum and dad (eg) Aunty nd uncle since i was 3 months becasue social services took me away becasue my birth parents didnt look after me. i only recently found out i was adopted by my mums sister (doesnt sound that bad but my "mum"(aunty) left me with my dad after they divorced when i was 5 after he told me she was "sick" (i dont belive this) My mum burn down my family house now we live in secret.I cant tell my dads name becasue he thinks my mums goin to kill him becasue she said she would hunt him down.Hes lied to me ABOUT everthing! Ever since i found out i was adopted-mostly all my life- i feel i cant tell people because ppl teat me differently ppl dont accept adopted ppl -wher im from- anyway- and theres more to all this 2 shortn it ive suffered from abuce,death,homos,g**s,flames,LIES,death... hit by family and asulted ,being laughed at all becasue ppl wont accept ppl fro the way they act not there past. im now depressed,sucidal,self harm,axnity,cut ect.. All this started from when i found out the truth! I WISH NO ONE TOLD ME THEN i could live my life pretenting it was all ok , if i was adopted and was never told i would think i was normal becasue when you find out about the truth about just a part of you life then EVERYTHING else follows then ppl lie 2 cover it up!Ive had councilin and i stil go now i als have a theripst,doctor yer it doesnt really help 2 talk about t i just wana b normal and talking just brings up old memorys i hate MY LIFE!!!!!!