Adoptees - Are you from a sealed-records state? If so...?

Question

2 Questions. As an adult adoptee from the closed records era, would you prefer:

1) Do you want your aparents to retain a copy of your original birth certificate and other related records to give to you some day, or would you prefer to legally be able to obtain your own copies?

2) Do you prefer to have to ask your aparents to find your natural family for you, or is that something you would prefer to do on your own, and then later decide what, if anything, to share with them?

Can you explain why please? Thank you.

Answer 1

I am from a sealed-record state (Ohio, to be exact)...

(1) I would want to be able to obtain my own copies of these records.

(2) I would prefer to find my natural family on my own.

The why is two-fold...  

First, I have little confidence in my aparents willingness to actually give me my documents and to actually find my naturally family.  My father hid my non-identifying info for years, and did not give it to me when I asked for it.  He had the information from the time of my adoption, but never gave it to me.  (I found it years later.)

Second, even if my aparents would have done these things for me, why should they have to?  No other adult needs their parents permission to access their documents or to make connections with other adults.  Having my aparents serve as intermediaries maintains my status as dependent child, rather than recognizing my status as independent adult.  In order to be an equal citizen with all my rights protected, I need to be treated like all other adult citizens.  Forcing my aparents to serve as gate-keepers denies me my full rights.

I hope this is clear.  Thanks for the question, Julie.

Answer 2

1. i would want to obtain one for myself. my parents would probably want to 'protect' me, so i have a feeling they woud not give it to me.

2. i would want to find them myself. that way they dont feel responsible if it turns out poorly.

Answer 3

As a 45 year old adopted woman I believe that, when a child reaches the age of 18, they should be given the option of  obtaining their birth records with the permission of the birth parents. This is such a two sided issue. I found my birth parents even though my state has a sealed record policy, I did this through a loophole. Ohio, up until 1964, sent all the original birth records with the adopting parents, therefore, they felt that the adopted individaul should be allowed to have access to these records. I would NEVER ask my mother to find my parents, she knows who they are anyway, she NEVER wanted me to know anything about my biological parents and she is not aware that I found them many years ago. I felt that I wanted to know my heritage, that "completion", if you wanted to call it that. I never felt a "bond" with my adoptive mother, I still don't, she has always been a cold person. I didn't feel a connection with my birth mother, either. I don't know if it was her, me or just a combination of alot of things. I really believe that it is up to the adult adoptee and the biological parents weather contact is made.

Answer 4

1)  I would like to be able to access my own original birth certificate, just the way any other citizen is able to.  

Why?  Because all people should be treated equally under the law and nobody discriminated against because they were adopted.

2) I would like to be free to associate with whomever I choose without the necessity of asking anyone's permission; be it the permission of my parents, the State or anyone else.  

Why? because Freedom of Association is something  everyone living in a democratic country should enjoy without restriction

Denying Adopted individuals these basic rights that everyone else takes for granted places them in the status of second class citizens; people to be feared; people who need to be restrained, without good or proven cause.

EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ADOPTEES!

Answer 5

1. I would want a copy of my OBC just like nonadoptees. My aparents would not have willingly kept any info for me. My asiblings have more rights to their information being born in another country than I do.

2. My aparents would not have helped search and did not give me any info that would have helped me to search. In fact my amother lied about everything.

OPEN RECORDS NOW

Answer 6

I am an adoptee from the closed record era.  And the state has allowed conditional access through a Confidential Intermediary only since 1989.

1.  I would definitely have wanted my aparents to get a copy of my original birth certificate before it was sealed...and your question misses the point that obtaining it then is completely LEGAL.  I believe that they should have then allowed me access to that information throughout my life.  It is MINE, not theirs.  I don't care what they think they might have been saving me from, protecting me from, protecting themselves from...that info is mine.  Only after becoming more informed about adoption in the last year or so did I discovered that my OBC was not sealed until after my adoption was final...I am furious with my aparents that they did not think about ME and what I might want by not getting my OBC for me when they could.

2.  What my aparents want or don't want concerning my search for my heritage is frankly irrelevant.  I love them dearly, care about their feelings, and desire their support.  But I searched (and would search again!) without their knowledge.  It is my information, and I have never felt the need to share it with them or anyone else in my afamily.  I have friends that my aparents have never met and have never even heard of...searching, finding, and reuniting can co-exist at the same time as afamily without needing to intersect.

Answer 7

Records were opened here after my reunion. As a child my adoption papers were always accessible to me and it would have been nice to have my OBC in there as well. However, since it is my OBC and my records we are talking about I would not be happy if I had to depend on someone else deciding when and how I obtained them.  I think the adoptee should be able to decide when they obtain their own records.

I would never have asked my aparents to search for me. If I had needed them to initiate the search or give their permission I would have simply said I wasn't interested. When I found my mom my dad was very supportive and he sees her as an extended family member, my step mom doesn't talk about her often and told a friend of mine she felt abandoned when I moved 6 hours away to be with my nmom. That alone tells me that the guilt adoptees often feel when they decide to search is valid. Search and reunion has almost nothing to do with the aparents. While they may be curious as to the origins of their adopted child those origins are the adoptee's and the adoptee's alone.

Both of these should be left to an adopted person to decide on. After all it is thier life we are talking about, nobody else's.

Answer 8

I would prefer to attain my own information.  I would prefer to make contact on my own.  Its my life and my business.  My adoptive parents know that this is a road that I must travel alone.    Heck I am 42 years old.  I should be able to do so.

Answer 9

i would have of liked to have a copy of my original birth certificate but i think that i would like to include my adoptive family in finding my natural family just because you may get let down and need someone to cry with

Answer 10

I was adopted from a sealed records state, and adopted my son in one.

1) Both.  Because my birthfather is deceased, I have no chance of ever obtaining my own OBC, because both parents have to sign off on it.  If my parents had been able to hold a copy for me, it would have saved me the expense of DNA testing.  My son's mom obtained multiple copies of his OBC, passed some to us, and is keeping several herself, so that he will always have access to it.

2) If I had had to ask my aparents to find my mother for me, I would still be waiting for the search to start.  And I am 40.  I prefer to search myself.  My son will only have to locate his father, his mother is in close contact with us.

Answer 11

yep

Answer 12

I am from California, which is a sealed records state.  I want to be able to obtain my OBC in the same way any other adult citizen can do so.  Equal treatment under the law is something for which we claim to strive in the US.  Adopted citizens should be treated no differently than non-adopted citizens under the law.  I believe my amom would have given me my OBC, but that really isn't the issue.  Non-adopted citizens do not need to rely on their parents in order to obtain this.  As an adult, I expect the state to treat me as other adults.

As far as reuniting with my first family, again I am an adult and should certainly have the same right to freedom of association granted to other adults.  I do not need my parents to arrange and/or monitor my adult relationships.  It is my choice to have or not have relationships with whomever I choose.

Basically, I am expecting the very same rights and treatment received and enjoyed by non-adopted citizens.  I ask for nothing more and expect nothing less.

ETA

Marski wrote:

"As a 45 year old adopted woman I believe that, when a child reaches the age of 18, they should be given the option of obtaining their birth records with the permission of the birth parents."

This is not a two sided issue.  Birth parents have all of the same privacy rights as all other citizens.  Adopted citizens do NOT have all the same rights as other citizens.  Having been adopted is no reason to take away another person's equal rights.

Keep in mind as well that when a parent relinquishes ("gives up") a child for adoption, the original birth certificate remains unsealed and remains the child's only legal birth certificate.  If that child is not adopted, or if that child is adopted and the adoption fails, that birth certificate is unsealed and, again, the only legal birth certificate of that child.  The birth parents' relinquishment has absolutely nothing to do with sealing the OBC.  It is ONLY if an adoption occurs and finalizes through the court that the OBC seals.  The sealing is about the adoptive family, not the birth family.

No one should have a right of anonymity bestowed upon him/her simply for relinquishing a child.  This means all rights have been given up anyway.  No none else in our society has a Constitutional right of anonymity.  However, all non-adopted citizens have a right to unconditional access to their very own records of birth.  Citizens who happen to be adopted, however, do not.  This is discriminatory, unequal treatment under the law.

Answer 13

I wish I had my original birth certificate.

1. I think ideally it would be good for the adopted parents to have the information. I'd also like to be able to get whatever info I want/need through the years. It is information about my life and I should be able to have access to it

2.I think it would be my responsibility to contact my birth parents.

Again..it is my life. I also believe it would be nice if my adopted parents were involved. I said it was "my life"..it is also their life, I am their daughter.