Adoptees & Depression: More as a child or as an adult?

Question

If you ever suffered from adoption related depression, was it when you were a child or as an adult?

Answer 1

It started around 12 and has never gone away completely. It got much worse after I lost my son ( well duh ) but I can't really remember not having some depression related to my adoption. Maybe for a short time immediately after reunion. Most days it is just a grey cloud far off in the distance but some days it is a freaking tornado ripping apart my life.

Haha! I forgot to answer the question. I think it was at it's worst in my mid teens but that could be because I didn't understand why I felt the way I did or what made me the way I was. Now I understand where the emotions come from. I have coping skills that I didn't have as a teen and I am more accepting of my own mental health.

WHOA! HOLD THE PHONE! WTF?

Scapegoat for my issues? Don't know how life would have been with my REAL mother? Looking for something to blame it on?

F**K that. My life is adoption. Every bit of who I have grown to be has something to do with adoption. Yes I may have developed depression without my adoption issues but I really doubt that I would feel anything near as low and alone as I do with them.

Ever walked in my shoes? Lived my life? Breathed my air? Didn't think so, so please refrain from assuming you know anything about anyone's personal story or pain from adoption. You know your own so act like an author and stick to what you know.

Answer 2

I have depression, but I really can't say it relates to my adoption. BUt that is my experince and story, so if others deal with adoption related depression. I'm sorry. No matter what depression, sucks!!! =(

Answer 3

I get depression but it isn't only related to the fact I am adopted. I have a lot of other things and issues in my life that contributes to the depression. But I was depressed as a child after I found out and then after my dad died when I was 12 then it got worse.

Answer 4

yes, it still continues

Answer 5

Yes, I know tons of you will thumbs this down, but please remember that we all have different experiences!

I am adopted and while I've had bouts of sadness, I don't think they are related to my adoption (mine has been a happy one). I would not know how to distinguish "adoption depression" and "depression". I mean, what about all of my friends who are NOT adopted and have depression? Are they supposed to have something to blame it on? Yes, I admit I do not understand some of the answers here. I don't really see why some people assume every travesty (and here come the thumbs-down) can be blamed on adoption. Dang!!  You do not know how life would have been had you NOT been adopted, so why blame life's problems on it? Including depression. News flash! A LOT of teens have depression, and most of them are not adopted. Look, I know I am sort of judging your responses, and we are coming from different places. But the more I read on here, the more I realize some (not all) people seem to be trying to find scapegoats for their problems. I know this will anger you; fine, this a supposed to be a sight where people share. OK, I feel better now, having said my piece. Got your mouse on the thumbs down? CLICK!

ADD: Robin-just read your message--I think it is terrible your adoptive mother said those things. That, to me, is verbal abuse, and make anyone feel awful. I truly wish you had had a better experience.

Answer 6

Well, I was a very morose child.  My aparents commented on this frequently, as it concerned them.  Because of the circumstances of my relinquishment, some of mine was particularly relinquishment related.  Also, depression runs in both lines of my natural family, which I found out later.  My afather was also abusive to my amom, abrother and me.  So, it was hard to know a clear etiology for my depression as a child, as it's a mix of things, including the relinquishment, adoption, genetics, difficulties with afather in our family.

I did find it necessary to seek therapy for this.  I'm 43 now, and I no longer struggle with clinical depression.  Although, I still am known to have my morose times -- I just have some decent tools to deal with them now.

Answer 7

i would say it was around 13/14. i think that is when the true meaning really sets in. probably because society is setting you up for the rest of your life.

i wont make the claim that all of it was due to my adoption. i think that merely gave me a source. that age is so awful for most people, biological or adopted.

i have had bouts of it since. but not attributing to my adoption. more of my lack of assimilation. i wont change to conform to someone else view of what i should or shouldnt be. maybe it does have something to do with being an adoptee. but i dont think so.

i have always felt to be an outsider, not by others hands so much as my own. i think in the back of my mind i put myself there. it is safer and easier. but just once in a while i like to feel a part of something. wholley a part, not because i am the entertainer. (i am the weird friend, the one with all the jokes and witty remarks, not like jump out of the cake. although, i did do a lot of partying in my past!LOL!)

i have learned from having kids of my own, biology has nothing to do with how much c**p a kid puts up with. depression is almost normal at that stage. no one feels they fit in. and the pressure to be something you arent is pretty great.

as an adult, i have regular depression issues. cant pay the bills, work, parenting. the stuff we all sweat on  a day to day basis.

Answer 8

For me it was my mid-teens even though I never realized until I was an adult what the cause of it was.  I truly believe due to the whole adoption issues & my a-mom I ended up with unnecessary issues.

I have never really considered myself as an individual with depression. However, I did go through a 'morbid' stage where it was all about 'death' & didn't really give two s***z about anything & that was all during my teens.  Even though I'm not depressed now I can say that as an adult it still affects me because I refuse to take anybody serious enough to let them bother me...well, except for my daughter.

Answer 9

For me, it started as a young child just after I understood exactly what being adopted meant.  I remember the horrible feeling I got when I realized that not only was I the only one in the family that didn't really 'belong', but also that I had another set of parents out there somewhere that were my actual family.  

The following depression was horrible.  I would lay on my bed sobbing and not understand or be able to explain why I was so incredibly sad.  Up until then I had been a fairly happy child.  

The depression has haunted me all my life and has continued into adulthood.  It is so severe at times that I have often wished I had been aborted rather than have to live with this excruciating pain.

I hate being adopted.  Hate it, hate it, hate it.

Answer 10

well im actually going through it right now and i am 15 years old. it started when i was around 14. i dont know how long it lasts but it really does suck.

Answer 11

Leigh, thank you so much for your words, you really got me thinking.  Maybe one day, when my kids start going through this, I can tell them to just suck it up and move on, because the fact that they don't have their biological family just isn't a good enough reason to be depressed.  Yeah, that would be SOOOOOO helpful. (please note the sarcasm)

Answer 12

I have suffered from depression.  I think the first round I remember was probably around 15?  On & off periodically in my life. Usually triggered by some event, though it might last for several months or linger over a period of years.  (never was medicated for it...just lived with it)

I never connected it to my adoption.  More to the abuse I lived with growing up.  Some pretty harsh, hateful emotional stuff.  But yeah, it could be adoption related.  Like my a. mom telling me I'm a tramp & a w***e "just like your mother" (referring to my birth mother).  Could that be adoption related?  

Or feeling like my own mother didn't want me and THIS mother doesn't want me.  What's wrong with me?  Could that be adoption related?  {{{LOL}}} You know...a bit of sarcasm has always helped me through...

Gee, therapists don't seem to cue into this issue.  Honestly, I never thought about it in the context of my adoption.  What a dolt.  Hey, I'm learning...

ETA: Honestly, I think I was too busy just surviving to think about adoption & what it meant.  It wasn't until I was about 13 or 14 that I began to think "my own mom didn't want me".  Turns out that wasn't true AT ALL...but I didn't find this out until 10 years later.