Adoptees: Do you blame your adopted parents?

Question

I see negative comments about the indsustry but I am interest in hearing from adoptees on how many blame their adopted parents for their pain and anger.

I have no opinion on this subject but was curious as to the adoptee point of view towards their adoptive parents. Thanks!

Answer 1

Blame them for what?  My bmom couldn't take care of me and she readily admits that; if it weren't for adoptive parents then it would've been foster care.

I love my parents.  They were far from perfect and, even though they've been gone(dead) for almost 20 years, I love them dearly and I know they loved me.

They waited 7 years between the time they got my brother and me (imagine what it might have been like if Roe was decided earlier??); they went through DCFS and did their homestudy, they prayed and waited and eventually (not sure if this is a good thing or not because God knows I wasn't the best kid on the block), they got me.  Like any other family, i was grounded (alot and rightfully so) but I certainly can not blame them for loving me the way they did.

Answer 2

Blame?  No, I don't think so.  My relinquishment was not their fault, so I don't blame them for that.  

My parents were ill-educated by a system that sought to maintain the illusion that adoption is just the same as birthing.  They told me about adoption, and then it was promptly ignored.  It never came up as a topic of discussion.  Could they have handled it better?  Yes.  Do I blame them for it?  No.  Societies attitudes were (and apparently still are) that secrecy is better than openness when it comes to adoption.  My parents were acting on the only information that they were given at the time.

My parents are flawed individuals.  In other words, they are just like every other human being on the planet.  Has that caused me to have a certain level of ambivalence towards them at times?  Yes.  Does it mean I don't love them?  No.

Answer 3

Yeah, I do, I blame all adoptive parents because they are so GD selfish that they never think how not knowing our real parents will destroy us. They see the entire adoption issue through tunnel vison, and only see and care about THEIR side. I also blame adoptive parents becasue it was adoptive parents that were part of getting the closed adoption records laws to begin with and lied about it-THEY wanted privacy from our real moms so they couldn't find us not the other way around-our real mothers never wanted privacy from us adoptees-adoptive parents are  condesending, mocking and self absorbed to the point of non beleif-my adoptive parents are horrible selfish and immature  people and I hate them to this day. They never cared about us, they only cared about their screwed up marriage and having a ton of money to look good to all their loser freinds.I hate all adoptive parents because they are kidnappers and baby stealers. Soliciting other women for a baby SHOULD BE ILLEGAL AND BARREN WOMEN WHO DO THIS ARE THE BIGGEST SCUM ON EARTH.

Answer 4

no i dont blame them its the oppisite without them my life would be c**p, i know who my bio parents are and thank god i have a mum and dad like i do now, as my bio parents are a real let down not just for me but for there other children so im so better off now, i was adoped from birth

Answer 5

Blame them for what ? Giving me a  wonderful home, love and morals and values, I cant understand why parents are blamed for loving their children

Answer 6

no, i don't blame them. They were just as coerced by the industry as my mother who surrendered me was.

Answer 7

Do I blame my adoptive parents for what?

My birth mother gave me up with the best of intentions, that I would have 2 parents that loved me dearly and everything that I would ever need & or want. That was a decision she made.

My adoptive parents put me through years of abuse & when they were done threw me away like a piece of garbage to be raised in foster care.

They were not the norm for adoptive parents. I realize that. Yes I blame them for what they did to me.

However I would like to think that the majority of adoptive parents go into it with a loving heart. I assume that most adoptive parents can't have children of their own & still want the oppurtunity to be parents & to experience the love that raising a child brings.

I believe that children should know about their origins from the start. Adoption is not a dirty lil secret, and should never be treated that way. I've heard this said before.... An adopted child grows in a Mommy's heart instead of her tummy..... that's the way it should be.

Answer 8

I'm angry @ the system that will not allow an adoptee to see something as simple as medical records. I'm not angry at my adoptive parents.

Answer 9

No, I have never blamed any of my pain and anger on my adoption.  I feel extremely fortunate that I was adopted and feel that my parents did the very best job they could.   Does that mean that I didn't have any "pain and anger"  toward my parents?  No.  we did have some very hard times as a family and I was a normal kid who sometimes resented my parents for things that happened.  But these feelings had nothing to do with adoption. I never felt that my life would have been better if I had different parents.  My upbringing was far from perfect but it was the one I was given and I'm thankful for it.

Answer 10

I blame the system that took my identity and moved me around like a chess pawn, not the parents who created me OR the parents who raised me with love.

Answer 11

I don't blame my parents for anything when it comes to being adopted. I was lucky to be adopted at 3 months old but who knows where I would be if they didn't adopt me I could have ended up in foster care for something. I talk to my birth mom a little and I know I wouldn't have made it to where I am today if she had kept me. My parents arn't perfect of course but I have a close relationship with them

Answer 12

No, not at all.  I don't blame my parents in any way for the way I feel toward adoption and the atrocity of sealed records in the USA!  

I love my parents.  Dad died when I was a child but Mum stands right beside me in my search for my origins and the fight for access to my own birth records - I couldn't ask for a better adoptive family.

Answer 13

HI

I have nothing at all to blame my Aparents for. They took my out of a bad situation and I love them dearly. I cant speak for everyone, but my adoption was a good adoption. Its a shame it doesnt all turn out like that.

Answer 14

Hmmm.  Blame the people who rescued me from a nightmare?  Not a snowball's chance in you-know-what!  

My parents took in a scared little girl and helped me to become a confident strong adult.  They are my true heroes.  Not the people who donated my DNA.  

I get that other adoptees have issues, but we aren't all the same.  I hate that a few chosen people here have decided it's ok to speak for me too.  If any one of those people had walked a day in my shoes - from having to sneak out the bedroom window, shimmy down a drainpipe, and run for help to having to face my DNA donors in court, then maybe they would understand that life isn't always fair.  Do their stories count less than mine?  Nah, but I just wish they'd stop lumping all of us adult adoptees in their group.  

It's taken me tons of counseling to get to where I am and I think some of those here could benefit from counseling too. My adoptive parents knew that they had their hands full with me and got me the help I needed.  I love them for opening their hearts & family to me.