Adoptees-Do you ever wish that your biological mum had kept you?

Question

Or do you think that she made the right decision, giving you a better life. I just wated to know, because I have heard both answers and I would like to adopt in the future.

Answer 1

Having met my birth parents and knowing their circumstances I know she made the right decision by placing me for adoption.  Do I wish she kept me...no not really, I think all adoptees think what if's, but I love my parents and I could never imagine my life without them.  

Answer 2

I think I can answer totally honestly for my son who we are adopting from Foster Care!

I WISH MY MOTHER WOULD HAVE KEPT ME, having a better life isn't as good as having my mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (this is my version of him screaming).  At his age, he wouldn't care what a better life would be...he just misses his mommy!

Answer 3

I think all moms want a better life for the child they are giving up, it just doesn't always work out that way.  I wish mine would come and find me cause i can't find her.

Answer 4

no

Answer 5

i would loooooove to be living with my birthmum + sisters right now, but i still would like to visit my 'parents'

x

Answer 6

I didn't have a better or worse life - just a different life.

I wish no mother and child were unnecessarily separated.  My mother and I were separated unnecessarily, even in adulthood the State kept our identities secret from each other!  We found each other anyway.

I love my adoptive parents but if I'd been kept I would never have known them.  Things are good now we are all together but growing up not knowing the truth of my origins sucked.

Answer 7

Growing up, I often times wished I had been kept. That she had wanted me as much as she wanted her other children. And then, I got to know her, slowly over short visits (mainly when she felt enough guilt to come visit me, or when she thought she wanted me back YEARS after having given me up) and I learned something. She did me a favor. I would NEVER want to be like her, I'm glad for the parents I was blessed enough to find my way to. They loved me, they wanted me. They never had to see-saw about if they did or didn't want me the way she did. They never played the mind games that were her specialty. They also never spoke ill of her, my mom and dad, let ME form my own opinions of her without influencing my thoughts one way or another.

Now I'm grown, 30 years old and the woman who calls herself my birth mother, who use to come around while I was little from time to time, won't even speak to me. Why? Because I'm her past, and she doesn't want to face it, or so she has told my siblings that I have by her. Because she's afraid I will want answers. And she's right, I do want some answers, who wouldn't?

Did she make the best choice? YES! A million times yes! She gave me a chance to grow with LOVING parents, to learn from loving parents. Sure, my life hasn't always been easy, but who's is? My only regret, is that I never got the chance to grow with my siblings, to KNOW them. It isn't my fault, or theirs that our "mother" is stuck being a child, rather than becoming the woman motherhood should have made of her.

Did I get a better life? You bet I did! Sure, it wasn't the one she has, with the swimming pool,. and fancy house, and all the super nice little trinkets. But I got something better than all that. I have a Mom, and Dad who love me! Who support me, who will ALWAYS have my back no matter what. And that to me, is worth more than all the material things she holds so near and dear to her.

I would, however suggest.. when you adopt, that you see to it that your child's birth mother supplies a full medical history for the child. As we all know there are illnesses that are inherited and you won't be able to supply your own information and think that will cover it. And, please.. don't allow an open adoption, that just lets women like my birth mother have an excuse to come around and toy with the child.  

Answer 8

I wish my mom would of giving me up. I had a awful childhood and as a 30 yr. old, I still wish I had different parents.

Answer 9

She didn't not keep me. She died. I love my parents and I can't imagine how my life would have been without them.

Answer 10

What is with this assumption that first mothers only had a S****y life to provide for her child?

My goodness. My mother would have been perfectly capable of raising me if the SYSTEM didn't encourage monetary value over a parent's love.

So... obviously, yes, I wish she had raised me. I wish we hadn't been separated, and I wish I could speak the language that my siblings so easily talk to her in, and I wish I could have been with her for all the milestones of my life.

And I'm d**n sure she wishes the same - that she had kept me.

ETA - Spanxalot420: I didn't thumbs you up, I actually gave you a thumbs up. I can understand why you're appreciative of the life you have now.

Answer 11

This is a complicated one for me.  I don't know my bio mom, so I can't make any judgment good or bad about whether she made the right decision or not.  I love my adopted mom so it is not like I would have wanted to live a life without her. So, how can I answer this question?

What I can say is that I have wished that I was genetically related to my adoptive family.  I  have wished that I looked like them, acted like them, etc...I wish my adoptive mother could have had children and I wish my bio mom wasn't in a position to have given me up.  I have wished I wasn't adopted and then felt guilty because I would never want to dream away my current family. I love them.   So, for most of my life I have just chosen to not think about it at all. Why wish, eh?  I have recently allowed myself to wonder, to ask, to search. This is very different from wishing.

I have really been coming to grips with the fact that this thing called adoption is way more complicated than it seems.  WAY more.  

Answer 12

she made the right decision  i live like ONE freakin block from the beach

Answer 13

Yes and no.  I did to the point that I really wish I knew my mother but at the same time I was taken away from her for a reason.

Answer 14

Yeah I do I do wish she kept me, no matter what problems she faced! I was her baby...

Answer 15

I couldn't be more grateful that she put me up for adoption. She was financially unstable, never married, had 6 kids, each by a different father, put them all up for adoption, had numerous medical conditions (as do I), and I would have never gotten the treatment and care with her, that I do with my adoptive parents. It was a great choice for her and I, and if I happen to run into her at some point, I'll be sure to thank her.

Answer 16

LOL, well, since the lady above me answered, I figure I might as well too, even though I haven't been adopted ( but, boy, do I wish I was)

My husband and I also fostered a child, and now he is adopted. When we met him at age 6 he lived in a nursing home ( long term care) facility, and had no parents. His mother lost parental rights when he was just a babe. Not all foster children cry for their mother, or hate the experience. Our son had no family at all. Now he is part of our family, and it is comfort to him, far as I can tell. ( He is 10 years old now)That doesn't mean that there are not psychological effects he has to deal with- there are-and probably so for anyone who has been left by their biological mother.

I have known quite a handful of adopted people, both with good and bad experiences. I guess the best you can do, if you are interested in adopting is see how you can make it a good experience for you and the child. There are so many kids who need a mommy, and a loving, stable home. You'll need a support system in order to do it. Honestly, go for it if it is your desire, it is a wonderful thing, and you will be blessed for it.