Adoptees: Have you found your natural parents? And if so, how?

Question

I found my natural mother on adoption.com. It was quite a surprise to find she was looking for me actually.

Here's what she wrote:

I gave birth to a baby girl on x*x sometime at x*x in x*x. At the moment of birth, I had a gas mask clamped over my face unexpectedly, and went unconscious. When I awoke, my baby was gone, and no one would give me any information. This was completely unexpected, as I had clearly communicated with my social worker that I wanted to see and hold my baby at birth, and during the time I stayed in the hospital. I was finally able to see my baby the next day. After seeing her beautiful face and holding her precious body to mine, I decided I could not give her up for adoption, even though my circumstances were poor. I was young, uneducated, and without financial resources. I did not want to raise my child in my abusive father's home, but at that moment I decided I would make it work. I called to my family home in xxxxxx to let my parents know I would be returning with my daughter. On a payphone in the hallway outside my maternity ward room I learned that my mother had just been diagnosed with terminal lymphoma. "Keeping that baby is the most selfish thing you could do! You are needed here to help your mother," I was told. I relinquished Baby Girl M with great guilt and remorse. The pain is still there. Please help me find her.

Answer 1

I have two extended family members who have found their birth families in the past few years.  Our extended family was the adoptive family for one, and the birth family for another.  

All parties involved filed interest to find each other with the provincial governing body for adoptions.  It took time but htey found each other.  Both adoptions had been voluntary, and closed.

Answer 2

I'm a birth mother. I found my birthdaughter in 2001 with help of a search angel. She was 29. We have a relationship now. Not mother daughter, but a friendship. I'm glad I found her and she is happy too, we have both been in counciling and that has helpfull.

Answer 3

WOW that seems almost unreal.  I just met my birthparents (well I say just but it's been almost 2 years)  It was a great experience.  Are you sure this is your birthmother.  I don't exactly understand what you are asking.  Email me if you need [e-mail]

Answer 4

I'm so sorry about what your mother went through, Isabel.  What a shame your family did not welcome you despite your grandmother's illness.  Who knows, your grandmother might have lived longer or died happier having you in her life.  How sad.

I did not search for my mother.  She searched for and found me through the agency.  I was elated to know that she wanted to know me, as I wanted to know her.  We had 8 years together - not nearly long enough to make up for 44 years apart.  But I treasure those years and, though knowing her did not "heal" me or her, it certainly moved us farther along our healing paths.  

My mother did not have a choice - her parents would not allow her to bring me home, though she was 22 at the time.  After I was born, she asked to see me again and was told I had already gone to my adoptive home.  That was a lie.  I was still in the hospital.  

Instead of going directly to my adoptive parents' home, I was warehoused for 6 weeks.  In those days, babies frequently died after being separated from their mothers (failure to thrive), so we were kept in a large nursery with no contact but feeding and changing.  If we survived, we were then sent to the adoptive home.

Answer 5

I am sorry i am not an adoptee but I am sorry.I Wish I could help, sorry i feel bad for you.

Answer 6

My search for my natural mother took 20 years. I eventually located her through a genealogy site. My nfather (once she told me his name) took five minutes in the white pages. All is going well!

Answer 7

I haven't found yet.  Congradulations on finding.  Mothers were and still are being treated badly.  It is a very harsh cold experience to relinquish her child.  I suggest that you read the "Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler.  I have also enclosed some links for you both to help with the transition that you are going through.  Read and listen to others who are in reunion.

Answer 8

Yes! I searched for and found them both!!!! It was healing, is still healing and growing. You can never replace the years you missed, but we can build a future on tomorrow and today.

so sorry that was done to you, theres so much corruption in surrenders and adoption...it never ceases to amaze me. What a huge disappointment. So sorry.

editing to add, i found them onlin, via the birth index that used to be available for my states residence. It has since been taken down. Once I had their last names I traced them to classmates.com